Again and again,
At night, I will call your name.
Won't you answer me?
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Canary word: Present
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140,235 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hi there!
I love haikus! Since I am terrible at poetry, I try to improve myself through haikus.
Anyway, this one is just great! My assumption is that it was written for a loved one? If it was, then amazing job giving your emotions to the piece. I really liked it. Keep up with the great work!
This poem may refer to my mother. She calls my name over and over and yet I don't answer back because I am too busy to talk. The poem refers to me in my life and I love that about it. You could also say this is about a ghost in the night calling for someone. Wanting to love someone but there is no one there because the house has not be inhabited for many generations. That's a good idea for a short story or a narrative poem. I don't know how you could improve this poem any better except that you could make more. All in all, great job!
Hey hey hey!
Random Acts of Kindness here to review your marvelous haiku!
In general, I am not a fan of haikus, but this is simply spectacular!
Despite its simplicity and lack of length, this poem is interesting, thought provoking, and generally beautiful ^.^
Ending it with
made me feel as though the poem was directed to me, and that I should do something about it! It's rare that I read a poem that really speaks to me, never mind a 14 word haiku!
With the perfect complexion and beauty of this poem, I don't know how it stayed in the green room for two whole days!
Great work, and keep on writing!
~Random Acts of Kindness
Hello, RachelLeeAnn!
While this is technically a Haiku because of the syllable count, generally, Haiku connect two unlike ideas to form a single idea. Traditionally, nature is incorporated into haiku, though I think that in this day and age, it is not as important to include nature, as there are many more things that are not nature that exist today as opposed to when Haiku were invented.
My point is that you need to have an image in this poem. If we look at the works of the masters (translated from Japanese, so the syllables don't fit), we find that they all have images within.
Try incorporating an image into the poem that makes it stronger. I might write, "The nightingale calls;
you are somewhere in that night.
Won't you answer me?"
We have an image and a sound that go along with loneliness (only unpaired male nightingales sing at night). Try incorporating your own image into the poem, and see how it goes!
I hope this review proves useful to you, and that you enjoyed some of that famous Haiku (the first one is my favorite ^_^)! Happy poeting!