Alice ran towards the weapons rack, looking for something that she could use. Fortunately, the fake memories that Donnovan had given her were still in her head, even if they felt fake compared to the real ones, and inside of the memory there was the knowledge of using a gun.
Alice grabbed an AR-15 and a couple magazines, and loaded the gun while continuing to run from Randy. Randy also stopped at the weapons rack, but was unable to grab a gun because Alice opened fire, forcing him to run for cover. With her enhanced reflexes, she was able to aim with pinpoint accuracy, which didn’t allow him to get close. Unfortunately, he was too quick with his dodging and she couldn’t land a shot on him.
I don’t want to run out of ammo. But I also need to keep him away from the weapons rack, because if he gets a gun as well then I’m really screwed, she thought, opening fire at him again. Randy turned and began running back the way he came.
Is he running away? She wondered. Her hypothesis proved to be false when Randy stopped at a certain point and ripped a metal plate out of the ground. Alice felt a burst of fear. If he uses that as a shield, I don’t think these bullets will penetrate through.
Sure enough, Randy started barreling towards her, using the metal plate to cover himself. She shot at it, but the bullets only made dents. How do I beat him now? She wondered. She was too injured to try and fight him melee, but if she did nothing he would get to the weapons rack, and she was also too injured to try and dodge bullets, even at a distant range.
She decided to go back to her earlier plan, which was to run away. She reloaded her rifle and then turned and began sprinting as fast as she could away. Randy caught up to the weapons rack and yoinked a semi-automatic rifle for himself.
As Alice ran towards a hallway on the other side of the hanger, she saw someone stroll in from where she was headed. The person was a dude who looked to be in his early twenties, with black hair and was wearing sunglasses. He had a black leather jacket, and was holding an M16 rifle.
“All right, which one of you two is the bad guy?” he asked, brandishing his rifle.
“He is!” shouted Alice, pointing at Randy. She continued to run towards the stranger, hoping to get by him. Randy started firing at her as she ran, and she did her best to dodge, avoiding the bullets. She stared ahead at the stranger, wondering who he could be. As she got closer, he pointed his gun at her.
“Nuh-uh-uh, you can’t leave until I figure out what’s going on here,” he said.
“But he’s trying to kill me!” yelled Alice, ducking as another bullet went past her. The bullet grazed the newcomer’s cheek. He lifted his hand, touching the scratch.
“Ok now I’m mad,” he said in a monotone. He then closed his eyes, and Alice could see a green light shimmering near him. Then, to her utmost surprise, skeletons began materializing around the guy, all of them brandishing what looked to be medieval-style weapons, such as swords, axes and halberds.
What the actual heck is happening. I don’t know what’s real anymore, she thought, as the skeletons ran forwards toward Randy, followed by the guy who apparently summoned them. Randy began firing at them, each hit knocking one into pieces. However, the leather jacket guy just kept materializing more of them, and he himself opened fire with his gun. The moment he began firing, Alice could immediately tell that his gun was no ordinary gun.
Each bullet had the same shimmery green light around it that the guy had when he summoned skeletons, and when they began striking Randy’s metal plate, they started making green and black explosions. Even weirder than that however, was that black tendrils spiraled out of the explosions, honing in on Randy. He tried to dodge, but some of them connected. Randy screamed as his skin disintegrated into dust where the tendrils touched him.
“Do you surrender?” asked the green eyed dude.
“Yes! I surrender!” shouted Randy, staring in horror at a large chunk of his flesh simply missing from his left arm.
“Epic potato sauce. Now, let’s discuss with friendly terms what is happening here. Starting with both of your names,” said the newcomer. “I’ll go first. You can call me X. I am an agent of the Global Defense Agency, now babe, tell me your name.”
Alice stared at him, still trying to process the fact that a bunch of skeletons had just appeared and were still standing there.
“I’m sorry, what?” she said. X sighed.
“I am asking for your name,” he said exasperatedly.
“Oh, my name. My name is Alice. Alice Wilkins,” she said.
“Ah, I heard a bit about you. You are supposed to be the brainwashed one,” he said. Then he turned to Randy. “And what is your name, dirtbag?”
Randy just laughed. “You don’t need to know. Don’t worry, when Donnovan gets down here you’re going down, whoever you are.”
“Oh, I doubt that. Oriella is taking care of things above, and she’s on a whole other level compared to me and you two clowns,” said X. “Now… although you haven’t given me your name, you have given me other valuable information. If you are working for Donnovan, why were you attacking this young lady here then?”
“Like I’d tell you,” spoke Randy rebelliously.
X brandished his gun and gave Randy a look. Randy’s tough expression melted back into fear.
“She was brainwashed by Unknown number one, and Donnovan ordered me to kill her,” said Randy quickly.
“Ah, so Shadowscale must have fixed her memories then. I see,” said X. “No doubt your memories require fixing as well. Alright you two, come with me. Oh, and don’t bring your guns, I wouldn’t want you to cause any trouble.”
Alice numbly followed X, along with Randy, both of them escorted by skeletons. What is going on? Is this a dream? It doesn’t feel like a dream, thought Alice.
She slapped herself just to make sure. Nope this is definitely real. What the heck.
End of chapter
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140,862 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Ok so first off I love the idea that Alice can use the knowledge in her fake memories to her advantage and that she can use skills she doesn't know but knew in those memories. I wonder how muscle memory plays into it though. I've never used a gun, but I know that you can get quite a recoil on some of them if you don't know what you're doing... so would Alice be prepared for that or would it hurt her? It's an interesting line to walk, and I'd love to see you explore some of these things a bit further.
This all happens quite suddenly, which made it hard for me to process. I think I'd like some more of a play by play for this element of the fight as it's easing the reader into the action for the rest of the chapter.
I found it a bit surprising that she was willing to give her full name so readily!
I also have to agree with Nate on the pacing. There was so much happening and despite lots of it being exciting, the sheer volume made it more tricky for me to follow along. I accept part of this is likely because I haven't read the full novel and so don't have all the background, but I feel like I missed out on experiencing some of the things you'd written because they were over so quickly. I'd love to have some of the parts within this a bit more fleshed out and slowed down so I can experience them all!
I loved the way you ended this chapter, it was a good balance of tension and humour and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!
Icy
I feel like Alice! Definitely some strange stuff going on.
Just to reiterate what I said earlier, I like how you're switching back and forth between beats in the action. We've got the Shadowscale vs Redslash fight in one corner, and we've got the Alice vs Randy fight in another corner. This helps to paint an overall picture of a huge, epic fight, and it introduces some break points where the reader can take a couple breaths.
I feel like this chapter was rushed though. Between the gun fight and Agent X, there's a lot going on, and that means there's a lot to process. At the same time, events are being wrapped up just a little too quickly. For example, we go from Agent X seemingly being just another soldier to summoning skeletons and vanquishing Randy then back to a soldier all in three paragraphs. That's a lot to take in! In a movie, that's fine because events move in real time and you can't linger for too long. However the advantage of a book is that you can take three pages to describe a split second. I'd like for more descriptions of the skeletons, and more atmospheric descriptions as well. Is this all taking place under fluorescent lights, or does the summoning of the skeletons change the lighting? Are there shadows flickering against the wall? Do goosebumps appear on Alice's arms because the air got colder, or does sweat break out across her brow because it gets warmer?
But, I also like the mysteriousness of it all. In the middle of this large fight, we now have a third actor clearly involved: the Global Defense Agency. They appear to have their own agenda, and to not be on either side (at least so far). I'm interested to read where events go next.