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The Cosmic Dragon: Chapter 4

by Necromancer14


Inside the Chicago-located I.S.U.E. underground base, Isaac was sitting at a desk, examining some statistics on a computer. He was attempting to find out where Unknown number one would strike next, just like everybody else on level three.

A group of people sped past him. Probably water leaking through on floor four again. I hope it’s not a flood like last time, thought Isaac, noticing their water-tight clothing. After they finished clomping into an elevator with their galoshes, he turned back to his computer and continued studying clues and behavioral patterns of Unknown number one.

After a while, he dramatically flopped backward into his chair, frustrated. There just isn't any pattern to the attacks, he thought dismally. They're at completely random locations.

He jumped as a voice blared through the intercom.

"All personnel who have had gun training on levels two through six go immediately to level one. I repeat, all personnel who have had gun training on levels two through six go immediately to level one," it said loudly.

Huh? I wonder what's happening, thought Isaac. He got up from his computer and headed to the elevator. He crammed himself in, squashed by a bunch of other people. The elevator dropped towards level one as Isaac desperately tried to avoid touching the other people in the elevators. The elevator stopped two more times on the way down, and more and more people shoved their way into the elevator, causing Isaac great discomfort. Finally, on the bottom floor, the elevator doors opened with a final ding.

Isaac hopped out, glad he didn't have to be in such close proximity to so many people at once anymore. He found himself in his boss’s office, a large room with several large video conferencing screens, along with a bunch of fancy-looking computers. On the largest screen was Donnovan Gaver, the owner and founder of I.S.U.E. He had short gray hair and looked about sixty, but his most notable feature was a large scar on his lip.

"Hello, everyone," he began in a gruff voice. "I have some excellent news. The I.S.U.E. unit located in New York has discovered the next target of Unknown number one.”

Everybody looked at each other, excitement on their faces. Of course, they were all much too professional to let any of their emotions show. They forced their excitement down and went back to poker face mode.

Mr. Gaver continued speaking, "Unknown number one's next target is a secret government project in South Dakota. This is a very important classified project that I am not at liberty to tell you about, but I can tell you where it's located so that you can capture Unknown number one before he destroys it"

He went on, "You'll find assault rifles in the Sioux Falls I.S.U.E base. I’ve already scheduled a flight for you at nine thirty A.M. so that you can get there fast enough."

Isaac felt really excited. Though he hadn’t ever been the best at using guns and had only barely passed the training program, he would be with a bunch of other, much more capable people who could do the actual capturing.

Isaac looked away from the screen to the door as his boss entered and began speaking.

“When you arrive at the Sioux Falls located base, you will team up with the South Dakota, Texas, and Utah I.S.U.E. agents already there. This is an incredibly dangerous mission, and I wish you the best of luck,” spoke Freddy Corker, Isaac’s boss.

Everybody left the room, feeling a good bit of trepidation.

Isaac stepped into the underground parking lot and walked over to his vehicle, his tennis shoes occasionally screeching on the smooth concrete.

He leapt into his gray Hyundai Elantra. After exiting the dimly lit garage, he drove to the O'Hare airport. At the airport, he, along with the other twenty I.S.U.E. agents, went over to the I.S.U.E's private airplane. The pilot let them in, and they took off as soon as they had clearance.

During the one hour ride, Isaac thought about the mission he was about to embark on. Nobody really knew much about Unknown number one’s strengths and capabilities, and Isaac’s excitement slowly began to transform into anxiety. When the plane finally landed at the Sioux Falls regional airport, he felt rather uncertain.

Everybody exited the plane, heading over to their base to arm up. The base was an underground, six-leveled bunker, almost identical to the Chicago one. Isaac followed everyone as they went down into it. The weapons were on level six, so Isaac had to endure another torturous elevator ride.

The South Dakota agents were already there and armed up. Isaac and the Illinois agents grabbed a bunch of the assault rifles, and waited for everybody else to show up. How come we don’t have any guns other than a couple of pistols at our base? wondered Isaac, confused by the unequal distribution.

The Texas and Utah agents arrived, and they grabbed the rest of the weapons. After they all finished getting fully armed and decently prepared, they went outside and began securing the perimeter around the “classified government project,” which was inside a large warehouse-type building. Isaac helped by setting up some security cameras. A couple hours went by as everybody completed their tasks.

Isaac was seriously nervous. He knew that Unknown number one was a dangerously powerful extraterrestrial, and that they should be on their guard. He was glad that a lot of the people here knew how to do this sort of thing better than he did. As all the agents got into their positions, he jogged around the building to his designated patrol. Around the huge building was a bunch of farmland growing corn and soy. He wondered if the farmers thought it was strange that there was a huge warehouse in the middle of the country.

Isaac stood on the South side with seven other agents. They looked as nervous as Isaac felt, who was super scared. I could die, he uncomfortably realized. He had no idea why he had been so excited earlier. This wasn't exciting; it was terrifying. It was now two in the afternoon, and as he stood there the blazing sun beat down on his neck, which unfortunately didn't have any sunscreen on it.

Isaac shifted uncomfortably, the rifle getting heavy in his sweaty hands. The only thing left for him to do now was to wait.


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Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:35 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night,(whatever it is in your part of the world),

So Chapter 4 - I'm seeing a bit of a patter here with two POV's.

First Impression: Informative. Gives a good sense of what this alien hinting group is. Tad rushed but okay.

But on with it,

Inside the Chicago-located I.S.U.E. underground base, Isaac was sitting at a desk, examining some statistics on a computer. He was attempting to find out where Unknown number one would strike next, just like everybody else on level three.

I like this style of worldbuilding.

A group of people sped past him. Probably water leaking through on floor four again. I hope it’s not a flood like last time, thought Isaac, noticing their water-tight clothing. After they finished clomping into an elevator with their galoshes, he turned back to his computer and continued studying clues and behavioral patterns of Unknown number one.

Weird thing to mention but okay.

Huh? I wonder what's happening, thought Isaac. He got up from his computer and headed to the elevator. He crammed himself in, squashed by a bunch of other people. The elevator dropped towards level one as Isaac desperately tried to avoid touching the other people in the elevators. The elevator stopped two more times on the way down, and more and more people shoved their way into the elevator, causing Isaac great discomfort. Finally, on the bottom floor, the elevator doors opened with a final ding.

I'd expect a few more things about the character to come out here. So far you've only focused on the whole introvert aspect.

Everybody looked at each other, excitement on their faces. Of course, they were all much too professional to let any of their emotions show. They forced their excitement down and went back to poker face mode.

Love this chapter for some reason. Funny but still conveying important things.

He went on, "You'll find assault rifles in the Sioux Falls I.S.U.E base. I’ve already scheduled a flight for you at nine thirty A.M. so that you can get there fast enough."

Okay why aren't all the bases equipped with guns? I hope there's an explanation.

“When you arrive at the Sioux Falls located base, you will team up with the South Dakota, Texas, and Utah I.S.U.E. agents already there. This is an incredibly dangerous mission, and I wish you the best of luck,” spoke Freddy Corker, Isaac’s boss.(this is implied by what you say in the earlier paragraph.)

He leapt into his gray Hyundai Elantra. After exiting the dimly lit garage, he drove to the O'Hare airport. At the airport, he, along with the other twenty I.S.U.E. agents, went over to the I.S.U.E's private airplane. The pilot let them in, and they took off as soon as they had clearance. (Extreme nitpick but you can't just flash thorough security even if you're a bunch of secret agents. Maybe make it a more out of the way airport.)

During the one hour ride, Isaac thought about the mission he was about to embark on. Nobody really knew much about Unknown number one’s strengths and capabilities, and Isaac’s excitement slowly began to transform into anxiety. When the plane finally landed at the Sioux Falls regional airport, he felt rather uncertain.

I'd say have him do this thinking in the car on the way to the airport rather than after getting on the plane.

The South Dakota agents were already there and armed up. Isaac and the Illinois agents grabbed a bunch of the assault rifles, and waited for everybody else to show up. How come we don’t have any guns other than a couple of pistols at our base? wondered Isaac, confused by the unequal distribution. (My thoughts exactly)

The Texas and Utah agents arrived, and they grabbed the rest of the weapons. After they all finished getting fully armed and decently prepared, they went outside and began securing the perimeter around the “classified government project,” which was inside a large warehouse-type building. Isaac helped by setting up some security cameras. A couple hours went by as everybody completed their tasks. (That was a lot of time. I hope there's an explanation on how this had all of this figured out when in the earlier chapter you say that the Chicago agents had no idea whatsoever)

Isaac was seriously nervous. He knew that Unknown number one was a dangerously powerful extraterrestrial, and that they should be on their guard. He was glad that a lot of the people here knew how to do this sort of thing better than he did. As all the agents got into their positions, he jogged around the building to his designated patrol. Around the huge building was a bunch of farmland growing corn and soy. He wondered if the farmers thought it was strange that there was a huge warehouse in the middle of the country.

I like how you set the stage. This allows for a better fight scene if one happens later.

Isaac stood on the South side with seven other agents. They looked as nervous as Isaac felt, who was super scared. I could die, he uncomfortably realized. He had no idea why he had been so excited earlier. This wasn't exciting; it was terrifying. It was now two in the afternoon, and as he stood there the blazing sun beat down on his neck, which unfortunately didn't have any sunscreen on it.(Out of the blue line but I kinda like it)

Isaac shifted uncomfortably, the rifle getting heavy in his sweaty hands. The only thing left for him to do now was to wait.

Another good ending.

And that's it for this chapter.

Overall I like this chapter the most out of the ones I've read so far. It had the best pacing. I'm really getting invested in the story. Try to convey a few more feelings though. Seems like you skip past through narration a tad too much.

As always not trying to be harsh. Take what you think is useful and forget the rest.

Heading to Chapter 5.

Stay Safe :)
Harry




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Sat May 16, 2020 8:45 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi Necromancer14

Felistia here with another review.

Don't really have any nit-picks for this chapter.

So presume we're going to be swapping from Isaac to Alice ever second chapter now. I like stories that a written like that. It's interesting to see different characters perspectives.

So I'm still presuming Unknown number one is the boy with the glowing eyes. How did they know he'd come here? I guess I'm going to have to find out.

Anyway not much more to say about this chapter.

Keep writing
Felistia.






Thanks for the review!



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Sat Mar 21, 2020 3:21 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



I'll be quick on this once.

I liked this chapter. Very informative BUT like a previous review said, Isaac's characterisation is unclear.

I know it's a story, but of course it's highly unlikely for a sixteen-year-old to be a part of some secret government agency! I think you need to elaborate on how and why he's a part of it. Does he still go to school, where are his family, what happened to allow him to join etc.

It reminds me of this old CBBC show I used to love called M.I.High when teenagers were a part of a secret agency of spies hidden in the basement of the school. It made me a little nostalgic!

Once again, some more detailed description of this I.S.U.E place would have been nice.






Thanks for the review! Also, if I tell you about why they let a 16 year-old work as an investigator, it would give spoilers.



4revgreen says...


Ahh, okay. Maybe you could give some little helps? Like, Isaac himself acknowledged that it's a little weird for him to be working for them?



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Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:26 pm
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Necromancer14! Katja here to review chapter four of your story. As always feel free to disregard comments or suggestions if you find them unhelpful~

Overall Thoughts

This chapter details Isaac and the organization he works for going to South Dakota to trap "Unknown Number One". Isaac is initially excited but soon realizes how dangerous this will be and becomes fearful.

Overall loving the chapters- the story as a whole is great and unique in my opinion. Isaac in this chapter feels more likable since he shows fear and his smug-level self-assurance is no longer the primary motive here.

Suggestions

A lot of Isaac's characterization is unclear so far. I think a little extra attention to his and other characters could help a lot going forward. For example, how is a 16-year-old in a government organization as dangerous as this one? Does he have parents? Why is he so severely introverted? Etc.

That's all I have for suggestions today~

Summary

This chapter was a bit slower and focussed more on Isaac's character and the organization he works for. We got a better look into how the organization operates and how things are run (and by whom). A little focus on characterization and motives going forward will help give readers an attachment and understanding of the characters. Overall, Loving this story! Feel free to tag me in future chapters if you find my reviews helpful! Looking forward to more of the story~

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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Sat Oct 26, 2019 6:11 pm
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Dreamy wrote a review...



Well, that's one way to end a chapter.

Hello, there. This will be a short review. Let's address the typos first.

I hope it’s not a flood like last time, thought Isaac, noticing their water-tight clothing...


I see that your character does a lot of wondering, if his thoughts were in italics it will help the chapter read even more smooth. Just so that it will be distinct from your narration and you don't have to add 'he thought or that he wondered' when they are in italics. Just a suggestion.

The elevator dropped towards level one as Isaac desperately tried to avoid touching the other people in the elevators.


you don't need a "the" after "other people" here

and as he stood there the blazing sun beat down on his neck, which unfortunately didn't have any sunscreen on it.


He's an agent. I know his squad is getting a different treatment here and so it was really interesting and even comical to mention is neck with no sun screen. So futile yet so funny but I feel like you could have worded it better. Right now, all I want say is "REALLY?" but I really see potential with that thought so work on that sentence a bit maybe. I think it's the "unfortunately" that's bothering me; I'm not sure though. You decide.

Also, I'm sure you must have heard about the whole show vs tell part of the narration. If you haven't, here you go: Show vs tell

When Issac is anxious, you tell us that he is but I'd rather you show what he does when he gets anxious so the readers can connect or relate to him. He seems like a fidgety person, if you explain or show us how he behaves we don't have to assume and it'll give us a whole picture of who he is.

Overall, this was a good read. Keep up the good work. Keep writing!

Cheers! :D






Thanks for the review!



Dreamy says...


You're welcome! :D




A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon