Young Writers Society

I've only been to a beach once, and even then it was a frightening experience altogether, so I'm technically underqualified to review this and completely understand. :/

positives

Now, I said I despise the beach as a whole, but beach-like themes are actually really interesting. Beaches are places where people can get together and hang out, which is a huge thing for numerous individuals who appreciate spending time with others.

There are endless possibilities for topics; the water, the fish bathing in the waters, the scorching sun, and countless more. From the title and intestines of this, you picked sand. Sand is quite complex, and when I say it's complex, I mean it's smaller than gravel and still very heavy.

adorable sand crabs

Hi LordMomo! I'm here for the requested #RevMo review ~ since you've already gotten quite a few reviews on this poem and I don't want to be too repetitive, this might be on the slightly shorter side.

First impressions
This is a really cute little poem! I'm noticing a lot of similarities between it and "camping" ~ you've taken a fairly simple concept and written about how it makes you feel, you've used all lowercase capitalization, not much punctuation, very short & disjointed lines, and you end the poem with "i love ____".

Imagery
I agree with some of your other reviewers that the touch imagery you use is lovely, especially near the beginning ("squishes, seeps, pushes" and hot/cold descriptions). But while using the sense of touch can be really effective in poetry, I would suggest trying not to only use it. Right now, the reader knows what sand feels like, but they don't know what it looks like, what it smells like, what it sounds like, or even (a bit of a stretch) what it tastes like. (Of course technically your reader probably does know most or all of those things, but for the sake of the poem it's best to pretend they don't.) So if you sprinkle in some other types of descriptions - maybe how the sand sparkles in the sun, how it crinkles beneath your feet as you walk, stuff like that, - then the reader will really be able to imagine that they're there on the beach with you!

Continuity
I like that you've taken one idea - sand! - and stayed completely focused on it throughout the poem. You mention seashells and crabs briefly, but only in the context of how they're in the sand, so you don't get distracted at all. That's really great for a poem like this, especially one which has the title "sand", since then the reader's expectation is to read about sand ~ and you don't disappoint

In conclusion
I like how simple and to-the-point this poem is, and I like that it stays on topic throughout! My main suggestion would be adding some other senses (sight, sound, smell, maybe even taste) to the descriptions so that the reader feels fully immersed. I hope you find this useful, and thank you again for requesting a review!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit


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Hello there, @MomoandAppa! As promised, here's another review!

So, my first impression of this poem is that you give special attention to details when you go to various places, as you displayed in "camping." You've got a knack for the memorization of details.

Like in "camping," there's really a lack in formatting here regarding how your poem is written. However, you have again balanced out your poem by providing an opposite-- in this case, hot and cold.

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

Hey there, MomoandAppa! I'm finally here as requested I skimmed through the other reviews, so I'll try not to repeat anything someone has already said!

This poem gives me a "cute" feel and vibe, if that makes sense xD I love the simple topic of this poem! It's simple, but I don't mind the simple feel the poem gives off. It almost makes sense in a way, because sand is so abundant and just looks the same. So in a way, your poem is reflecting sand. I really enjoyed reading this! There are some things I would like to mention about this poem. These are just suggestions, so feel free to ignore the, if you don't agree!

The first things I would like to mention are line length and stanzas. Your lines are pretty abrupt, and there's nothing wrong with that! But to me, since it gives that abrupt feeling, I don't get the emotion of your love of the sand. Like if this poem was talking about how you hate the sand, the abrupt lines would contribute to that feeling. But since this is about your love of sand, I kind of expected this poem to have a flow-y and easy feeling. You don't have to change your line length if that's what you're happy with; this is merely a suggestion!

I also think your poem would benefit from stanzas. Stanzas are nice in making poems easier to read and a bit less intimidating. I'm going to give you one way you could divide this poem into stanzas. I'm also going to play with the line length bit and add some punctuation. Of course, there are so many ways to divide your poem up, so I'm just going to divide it up one way!

sand

gives shells

sand

gives adorable

sandcrabs

sand

gives

happiness

memories

when wet

it is cold

icky mucky cold

Hey! You wanted a review, so... I'll do the best I can.

This truly is about sand. It describes the textures of sand, how it feels, where it is, even what lives in it. You have some really good imagery in here. I could really get a sense of what you were describing. I especially like how you focused on touch more than more common senses like, say, sight. A lot of times when people are giving out images, they describe just about what they see. There are four other senses! And touch is a good one. So I'm just glad you used that sense a lot.

I especially likes these words in this line:

squishes, seeps, pushes

and sand

means beach

i love the beach

and sand

Hey, I'm back with another review! So... let's get started without further ado.

I felt like this was a huge spray of ideas about one thing you like/hate. I'd suggest maybe sorting it out a little. The idea is there, and so is the foundation. It's the way it's displayed that you need to work on. I mean, it does make sense that your poem is scattered like sand, but it can be just a little more sorted, that's all.

Also, I assume that the fact that there's no capitalization is part of the style intended to be shown. No problem then. Something I like about this poem is the way you've connected the previous idea to the next. That was done well. You could still make it flow smoother. I didn't notice any particular rhythm in the poem, so I'm not going to go into that.

Overall, I think the poem could improve in the areas I specified. Otherwise, it's pretty good and you should express more of your ideas

Yours sincerely,
Myth

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I don't like sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere.

Hello!

VioletFantasy here with the review I promised! This poem may be simple, but it is so beautiful. After reading it, I feel a great need to go to the beach. It is such a wonderful place, and you describe the sand so well! Now, onto some of the specifics.

sand

squishes, seeps, pushes

through my toes

when dry

it is hot

burning hot

when wet

it is cold

icky mucky cold

sand

gets everywhere

even in my

behind

sand

gives shells

sand

gives adorable

sandcrabs

sand

gives

happiness

memories

and sand

means beach

i love the beach

and sand

Hi MomoandAppa,
I'm here with a review. You've already received a pretty complete one so mine is going to be shorter. I personally really like sand and the see. Actually nature in general. I think you captured the idea of the sand well. I found two little grammar mistakes.
"sandcrabs"
It should be sand crabs.
"i love the beach"
It should be I or is it a stylistic choice?
I think your poem is very nice. I hope my review helped you and didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris.

I disagree with part of the previous review. I think that the negative parts are in line with the beginning and flow into the end. The change is somewhat abrupt, maybe use the word "despite" and that could really fix it.

Hi! Your description about being "reverse Anakin" really drew me in, mostly because I'm the exact opposite- I hate sand (it's rough and it's coarse and it gets everywhere). I've even written some poems to that sentiment (complete with Star Wars references) for a creative writing course myself, so the concept of someone being "reverse Anakin" intrigues and baffles me.
I think you did a good job of describing sand, though I did wonder about some of the adjectives you used, like "burning", "icky", and "mucky", which to me have very negative connotations and seemed to contrast the general mood of the poem. It might help to change them or to clarify that these more negative sensations are either part of or exist despite the appeal of sand, and explain how and why that is.
I would also love to see you expand on the concepts of "happiness" and "memories" that you mention, perhaps tying them in with the idea of sand getting everywhere- is the coating of sand akin to a coating of happiness? Or do the memories cling to you like the sand sticking everywhere? Moreover, how does the happiness feel, and what memories does the sand hold for you? You could even dip into a metaphorical territory with the shells and sandcrabs you mention, assigning them attributes of your happiness or your memories- for example, if your memory of sand was associated with your childhood, you could describe the sandcrabs as childlike/innocent, or give them actions like playing or frolicking in the sand as you remember yourself doing. (if that makes any sense)
Though I am still bewildered by your ability to love sand (it's my mortal enemy), I really enjoyed this poem, and I think that you've got a lot here that you could nicely expand on. I think if you keep building on this piece about sand, you can make it into a pearl.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! And don't hesitate to take this with a grain of sand salt.