TW: suggested blood. If disturbing images bother you, please do not read. <3
the memories of words touch soundlessly
they stroke my mind
a dove flying above the sunset
sighing like a windy day
this is what the words say
what they say to me
the remnants of that final hope
haunting my swollen heart
the flowers wilting under the dying rays
closing like a finished book
this is what i remember,
remember from that night
the words, they cackle in my mind
the dark knife
the reed stained cloth
they push and prod at my head
trying to break in
they almost succeed
the symphony of the silence
still loops in every step i take
losing you
wishing i could find you
thoughts ricocheting
against the walls of my brain
"no!" i scream. "get out, get out!"
i sob into my pillow
and i sleep
and when i wake
the words are gone
freedom
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Hey there! MapleWay dropping by with that review you requested!
This was a very bittersweet poem. It was very sad but came out with a less sad ending. When the narrator finally feels free from these treacherous thoughts. Speaking of the end you guys did a great job! The way you italicized the word freedom added so much to it!
Otherwise, the poem was very good! Tag me if you guys do another!
- MapleWay
Thank you!
Im so sorry it took so long to get to these! I got busy, then #NaPo came, so I kept forget to get over to my reviewing thread xDD
Thank you for providing and making use of trigger warnings c:
Okay, I really like this line! It allows me to kind of visualize lips moving, mouthing certain words. I can read lips pretty well, so I guess you'd have to read lips to understand them without sound.
[s]I believe you meant ''red''?[s]
I really like your use of dramatic imagery and figurative language! It really changes the mood and tone of your poem upon rereading it and helps your readers make a bit more sense out of what you might be literally or figuratively talking about.
Sorry for the short review. I hope you have a nice [*insert time of day here*]
~Vilnius
Wow, I am in awe. This poem was pretty deep and sad, well to me at least because I have experienced this. First of all I love your use of similes and other language features that really puts some emphasis on the poem. For instance, phrases like "haunting my swollen heart" is a very deep and rather ominous feeling which as a result makes the audience want to read more.
no!" i scream. "get out, get out!"
i sob into my pillow
and i sleep
and when i wake
the words are gone
freedom
This last stanza was quite interesting and very eye catching to me, I loved the phrase "and when i wake, the words are gone" its almost as if the persona was in a nightmare or something.
Overall id say this is a fantastic poem, I loved every bit of it and it left me in shock at the end. Thank you for sharing, keep writing more amazing works!
Thanks so much!!
Hello. ForeverYoung for a review.
You two did a great job collabing with each other
I loved this one. This is too beautiful.
I don't have many things to suggest, but here are a few that I would like you to take a look at.
I am quite unsure of the fact that what reed actually means here. Pls expound.
And yes, one more thing I would like to ask–Is removing the use of caps intentional? If not, then you should change all those... Like after the beginning of a quotation mark then all those ‘i’s.
This was a great read. Keep it up.
Thank you! The de-capitalization is a stylistic choice.
Okay, then. And what about that reed? Was it a typo? Would it be red?
Yes, it was a typo, thank you for pointing that out!
Hey, this is great. And heartbreaking lol
One minor edit: I believe you meant ‘red stained cloth’.
I love the visuals, the mystery, the emotion. Oof
The flowers imagery is especially brilliant, tying it into the ‘words’ theme is really smart.
Thank you!