Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,
Mailice back with a short review!
This act had it all. Not only is there a great upgrade for the kids, but they are with a shady guy in a van who wants to help them. I liked how the preparations are brought to the fore here, and new discoveries are made. I liked how Kit still has the upper hand and does everything her own way (Emptying bins to stand on. ). This characterization went well.
In the last act, I was still a bit skeptical about how the man would help the children and whether he wouldn't get too much screentime, but I think they can definitely produce a good teamwork.
What I liked about both acts was that again it felt a bit different from the previous ones. I think the humour took a different path again here, which I liked, and was also more direct in its involvement with the plot.
There are a few times where the letters got lost in the writing, which I noticed here, but it's not that dramatic; you could still read out what it was supposed to mean though. I would just read over it again in the future to eliminate them and tie them up so they don't run away from the vegetables. One thing I noticed while reading was that you didn't put the names in the centre like in the last acts.
Other points I noticed while reading:
The weapons are so cool and powerful, the bad guys won't stand a chance! (bounces up and down excitedly)
I can really imagine the whole van bouncing with the child's joy.
Were, they like that when you foud them?
I would remove the comma here (and at most add it after "that") and write the "foud" to "found".
Because it's VERY rude to kill people.
I like the innocence of the children and also the idea that they are still so good-natured even though they are already something of a guerrilla army.
Well I geuss your right.
Here it should be "Well I guess you're right."
A veggie gun.
This is the cruelest invention in the world since tomatoes. What a cruel man! The kids' reaction is exactly what I imagined. It turned out well. But maybe some might still faint and can only be woken up again with the smell of jellybeans?
You can call me Harry The Namedy.
Well, that was unexpected, meeting HarryHardy and me here. That threw me off a bit when I was reading it. It was a hit right in my head.
Alrighty then, Harry deNamedy! What happens next?
No it's Harry the- (Sighs)
I am flabbergasted.
Okay! (Looks at HARRY) Could you...?
Veggies are forbidden to touch.
Let's make this the biggest, grandest, greatest, planniest of all plans!
I'm literally on board with that.
I will take Sebatians place here
Here's an "s" escaped because of all the talk around veggies.
or sneak them in from the beggining.
I'll be dircting all of you from the van
*I'll be directing. Further, the letters run away from the vegetables. Can understand all too well.
you have the numarical advantage.
(KIDS cheer as dramatic music plays in the background)
(looks around) Hey, where's that music coming from?
(holds up a phone playing music, then puts a finger to her lips) Shh, don't ruin the moment!
This is a great ending for the new alliance and preparation for a great fight!
The chapter is bursting with humour and narrative. I liked how everything played out the way it is, and am also curious to see how many more kids will fall over once they come in contact with vegetables.
Have fun writing!