Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,
Mailice here with a short review!
It´s so nice to come back to the script and finally seeing the two brothers again. Now that the kids have organized everything and are more or less ready to fight back, I think, it was a good idea, to go back to Vex and Surge. Who would have known that they would be in an amusement park?
It was a pretty short but very funny act, and I had a lot of fun reading it. It made me suspicious that they were on a rollercoaster, since I don´t believe they know what rollercoasters are meant for. I was waiting for this end, that both would be surprised.
We also get an interesting view on their plans, what they are going to do after they have took over the world. Let´s jump to some points, that I found while reading:
Setting: 7 flags, a popular amusement park in mid-western America. The park is filled with adults and children wandering around with slightly-glazed eyes. Instead of offering cotton candy or ice cream, the food booths sell sugar cookies that have been... ahem... "specially manufactured" by the Liburtigibbens.
Indeed, my favourite amusement park so far. I really enjoy reading your description and how even the narrator is a bit strange while telling. I´m not sure here, but I think it is the first time you mentioned Vex and Surge´s race as Liburtigibbens. I think to make it a bit mor obvious for the reader what the Liburtigibbens are, you should add some comments that with the name Vex and Surge are meant. Like in this description, it feels like one should already know what the Liburtigbbens are.
Hmm indeed. What would you suggest, brother? I personally think Vex City, with the full name of Most Magnificent, Fearsome, and Terrific-iying Vex City, would be perfect. (smirks evilly)
Even before reading the rest, I can assume that this name will cause some arguing between the two brothers.
Hmph, no way! Vex is obviously a cooler name. (sticks tongue out at SURGE)
I´m sticking with Vex. His name sounds cooler. Surge City sounds more like a hospital because I make the strange connection of Surge = Surgeon / surgery.
So are you saying... I can finally achieve my dream of dying all the national monuments bright orange? (perks up) Ooh ooh, and eating breakfast while doing a handstand on the Eiffel tower?
I wonder how long the dying of the national monuments will last. His idea is so abstract yet ingenious that I can see it coming. Breakfast on the Eiffel Tower sounds more realistic, especially when there are no tourists.
VEXICAL LIBURTIGIBBEN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?
(VEX and SURGE begin screaming at the top of their lungs while clinging on to each other)
This is exactly the moment I was waiting for, for both of them to hold each other in a cartoony manner, watching with outstretched tongues as they go downhill. I wonder now how they got the idea to go on the roller coaster in the first place. Very ingenious ending.
This was exactly the kind of chapter I would have expected from the brothers. Both are funny and yet purposeful and still have no plan for the future. I just enjoy reading what else they can pull out of the hat.
You two have shown again how funny even short chapters can be and how childish the two brothers are. I like these antagonists, even though I probably wouldn't call them that. More like clumsy try-evil-doers.
Since the chapter is also so short, I can't say much about what could be improved. Only one thing I wonder is if Vex and Surge are on the roller coaster in a single car or one where there are other passengers in it too.
Otherwise, it was another classic, typical episode from the adventure.
Have fun writing!