Setting: 7 flags, a popular amusement park in mid-western America. The park is filled with adults and children wandering around with slightly-glazed eyes. Instead of offering cotton candy or ice cream, the food booths sell sugar cookies that have been... ahem... "specially manufactured" by the Liburtigibbens.
VEX
Ah, 7 flags... I've always dreamed of coming here... and causing chaos among all those clueless tourists. (laughs evilly) And looking down on everyone from this roller-coaster car is just so satisfying! (evil grin)
SURGE
Ah yes Vex. You couldn't be more right. But the name... 7 Flags. I think it could use some... Work. (Begins grinning evily)
VEX
Hmm indeed. What would you suggest, brother? I personally think Vex City, with the full name of Most Magnificent, Fearsome, and Terrific-iying Vex City, would be perfect. (smirks evilly)
SURGE
No! If anyone's going to have their name in it it's going to be me! Besides. Surge City sounds so much better.
VEX
Hmph, no way! Vex is obviously a cooler name. (sticks tongue out at SURGE)
SURGE
Nu-uh! (Sticks tongue out back)
VEX
(frowns evilly actually rather childishly) Well, then... (shoves Surge) Take that! Mweheh-oohhh no (the roller-coaster car leans forward precariously, VEX leans back then tries not to move) Ah-actually, was there something else we needed to talk about?
SURGE (Still a little mad at VEX)
Oh yes... So what are our plans to take over the world?
VEX
Uhh the cookies, right? (scratches head) I kinda forgot what came next...
SURGE
Hmmmm... Same... Well we don't have anybody to help us take over other countries besides our little minions and our army of useless sugar-filled humans so I think we just kind of do whatever we want!
VEX
So are you saying... I can finally achieve my dream of dying all the national monuments bright orange? (perks up) Ooh ooh, and eating breakfast while doing a handstand on the Eiffel tower?
SURGE
Yep!
VEX
Wonderful! Well, uh, except that I can't do a handstand... but ahem! So, when do we start?
SURGE
Right now!
VEX
Whoo-hoo! (jumps up and down in excitement, causing the rollercoaster car to tip forwards and start going down the tracks) Oooops...
SURGE
VEXICAL LIBURTIGIBBEN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?
(VEX and SURGE begin screaming at the top of their lungs while clinging on to each other)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,
Mailice here with a short review!
It´s so nice to come back to the script and finally seeing the two brothers again. Now that the kids have organized everything and are more or less ready to fight back, I think, it was a good idea, to go back to Vex and Surge. Who would have known that they would be in an amusement park?
It was a pretty short but very funny act, and I had a lot of fun reading it. It made me suspicious that they were on a rollercoaster, since I don´t believe they know what rollercoasters are meant for. I was waiting for this end, that both would be surprised.
We also get an interesting view on their plans, what they are going to do after they have took over the world. Let´s jump to some points, that I found while reading:
Indeed, my favourite amusement park so far.
Even before reading the rest, I can assume that this name will cause some arguing between the two brothers.
I´m sticking with Vex. His name sounds cooler. Surge City sounds more like a hospital because I make the strange connection of Surge = Surgeon / surgery.
I wonder how long the dying of the national monuments will last. His idea is so abstract yet ingenious that I can see it coming. Breakfast on the Eiffel Tower sounds more realistic, especially when there are no tourists.
This is exactly the moment I was waiting for, for both of them to hold each other in a cartoony manner, watching with outstretched tongues as they go downhill. I wonder now how they got the idea to go on the roller coaster in the first place.
This was exactly the kind of chapter I would have expected from the brothers. Both are funny and yet purposeful and still have no plan for the future. I just enjoy reading what else they can pull out of the hat.
You two have shown again how funny even short chapters can be and how childish the two brothers are. I like these antagonists, even though I probably wouldn't call them that. More like clumsy try-evil-doers.
Since the chapter is also so short, I can't say much about what could be improved. Only one thing I wonder is if Vex and Surge are on the roller coaster in a single car or one where there are other passengers in it too.
Otherwise, it was another classic, typical episode from the adventure.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Hi Mailice, thanks for the review!! ^-^
Ah yeah, that's a good point! We meant for "Liburtigibben" to be Surge and Vex's last name, but looking back I realize that wasn't too clear. Thanks for pointing it out! C:
XD Yup!!
You have fun writing too, and I hope you have a fantastic day/night!! =D
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaack again...woohoo....xD..I should change up this opening now or it'll be too boring.
First Impression: Well...as always, another lovely act...I love that we're giving some screen time to team evil cookies here so that we can get a sense of what their plans are going to be like going forward, and just check in with the crazy duo.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh...looks like we're going to have a scene from team evil cookies after a long time...this should be fun to check in with them and see how they're responding to the things that have been going around.
I love the double reinforcement there for maximum evilness, cause otherwise its very hard to tell who the villains are...xD
Certainly a very evil name there Vex, except when you want to use it in a trademark villain monologue, you might find that to be a bit too much of a mouthful to properly terrify people, they will be too confused trying to figure out the best way to pronounce it.
Hmm...as a minecraft player, the name Vex is infinitely more terrifying, if you know what I mean..xD...but also Surge City just sounds like a detergent brand, let's be honest, you've gotta go with Vex city here.
Well these guys do a pretty good job of showing that the fight between them and the kids will be quite evenly matched considering they are also basically acting like 8 year olds.
Ooof....they almost took themselves out there, that would certainly have been a major setback for team evil cookies.
Oh dear...well...they've fallen into the same problem I get when planning out a story, there's just this cool opening idea and then its just...uhh...what next?
Hmm...so are they gonna take over the other countries or just play around with this particular one...this is going to be very interesting...
Dying everything orange...there are truly more evil than I could have ever imagined....hmm...although breakfast while doing a handstand on the Eiffel Tower sounds kinda cool, not gonna lie.
I'm sure that's only going to be a minor inconvenience towards achieving that particular goal.
Uh oh...they're in for a bit of a ride...
shameless pun intendedAhh....a wonderfully hilarious image to end things on...the perfect start to a day
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, another hilariously awesome addition to this little play...Imma quickly run over to the next one then.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for the review, Harry!! ^-^
XD Definitely! The kids might even have a slight advantage. >.>
Yes, the neon shade of orange Vex is imagining is an especially evil color. XD As for the Eiffel Tower-handstand-breakfast combo, I'm sure Surge and Vex would like to think of themselves as the coolest villains ever! Stuff like that would be pretty common while they've taken over America. :PP
Thanks again, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!! =D
The kids certainly have an advantageYou're Welcome!!!
Check out the other acts too, if you haven't already! ^-^
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 4
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 5
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 6
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 7
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 8
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 9
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 10
(This is Act 11!)