Setting: Topeka
(SEBASTIAN and his group drive into the city in rainbow spray-painted tanks and other military equipment. Meanwhile, GUS and his group approach from the other direction with borrowed cars.)
KIT (looks up from where she's trying to calm down two bickering kids)
Oh hey! They're back! (quickly hands some candy to the kids, then turns over a recycling bin and stands on it) Okay, everyone! Gus and Seb are back, so let's all gather at the town hall!
(a couple moments later)
SEBASTIAN
Hey Kit! What do you think of the equipment?! (Gestures his hands to the different colored vehicles)
KIT
The colors are... very bright... (starts to grin) It's perfect! Great work!
SEBASTIAN
(Proudly grins) Thank you!
KIDS IN SEBASTIAN'S GROUP
Hey! We helped too!
SEBASTIAN
Oh ya... Great job! (Points thumbs up and grins again)
KIDS
(smile in satisfaction)
GUS
(Slowly runs over to KIT and SEBASTIAN) Kit! Sebastian! Guess what!
KIT AND SEBASTIAN
What?
GUS
I found out where the cookie villains are!
KIT
Wow! That's great! How did you do it?
GUS
With a little help from my group we found out that the cookies they made had a special type of flour located only in the Southeastern U.S.! We all split up and searched around there and found out they they made a new base at 7 flags! Worst part is they got rid of the cotton candy stands. (Frowns)
KIT
The cotton candy stands? Oh nooo! But still, it's awesome that you found the cookie villains! Okay, so now that we know their location, and we have our fantastic modified weapons, I think we're all set to face them down!
SEBASTIAN
Yes! But first we need to go over our plan. We can't just go in there and hope it goes well. Especially with our country at stake.
KIT
Definitely. I think we need to start with some more intel-- maybe spies? (gasps in excitement) Remember that episode of Fun and Jellybeans when the jellybeans dressed up as black-ninja beans and infiltrated the evil veggie castle? Can you imagine how fun that would be? (eyes sparkle)
GUS
Oh ya! I loved that episode! I don't think I would be a very good black-ninja bean though. Maybe Sebastian and I could stay in a van not to far away while you and your group become the black-ninja beans?
SEBASTIAN
That sounds good. But I think it would be more smart to dress up as minions instead. So that you blend in.
KIT
Ah, right... I was looking forward to being a black-ninja bean... but you're right, blending in makes more sense! I remember what the minion at that bake sale we went to looked like-- kind of hamster-like, but it was wearing glasses. And it had a really bright orange suit, too, for some reason. Hmm, I'm sure we could raid some clothing stores and then use the spray paint your group used for the weapons...
(A few hours later, after the kids in KIT's group have ransacked some clothing stores and come up with minion disguises)
KIT (dressed in a neon-orange suit and wearing oversized fake glasses)
So... what do you think?
SEBASTIAN
(Eyes widen) Um... Great! (Akwardly smiles)
GUS
Yep! Looks great! (Smiles)
KIT
(Looks at SEBASTIAN and GUS and sighs) It's not that great, is it... Oh well, I guess the villains have a terrible sense of fashion, but at least we'll blend in, right...?
SEBASTIAN
Yep!
GUS
If I'm being honest... I think you would look better as a black-ninja bean. But I guess this will work better... Maybe after we save the world we can dress up like that for Halloween!
KIT
Ooh yeah, that'd be awesome! (jumps up and down excitedly)
(GUS smiles proudfully)
SEBASTIAN
Well lets head out! I found a van across the street and got us som walkie talkies and well! (Jumps up and down) I can't wait!
KIT
Yesss walkie talkies! This is gonna be so fun! (to the other kids in her group) You all ready?
KIDS
Yeah!!
(they scramble into cars and head out to spy on the cookie villains)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaaack with another review!!
First Impression: Well, another lovely addition here to this little tale...and it appears the kids are getting ready to march back out and infiltrate team evil cookies here...this should certainly be quite a bit of fun to see here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ahh, those tanks must look awesome!! I can just imagine how crazy this must look...also I wonder what those tanks have been rigged to shoot..xD
Ahh, the classic recycle bin that's easily available in any place...now I just wonder where the mike might be here.
Yes, the colors are most definitely the only important part of those equipment, the rest of it is pretty much just a bonus feature at this point as we all know.
xD....that was a really sweet little touch there...acknowledging the crew that helps out with things like that is certainly a very important detail that no one should be missing in situations like this one here.
Ooooh, what do we have here? Looks like it might be some pretty exciting news here....
Ooooh, will we have ourselves another battle at some point? Things are certainly starting to lean towards that somewhat here...although you can never quite tell with things like that now, can you? xD
Oh no, not the cotton candy stands....but also ahh, more things that are bordering the level of ridiculousness but actually sound like a relatively logical way of actually doing that, certainly seems to be some pretty neat detective work there at any rate.
YES...that would be neat...
Right plans...people plan things out...xD..I forgot about that part...but hmm, certainly sounds like a smart move, this does seems like the sort of thing where you don't want to risk accidentally messing up the attack and losing the battle.
Okay....new idea...we need to see this particular episode of fun and jellybean in a story immediately...xD...but it just sounds utterly hilarious and ahh, these continued references here are a lot of fun.
Black-ninja beans...oh dear, well it appears team jellybeans is about to have its own secret spy service now...
Oooh yes, that would be an awesome plan, not to mention sudden clothing store raids out of nowhere are always a lot of fun, I know a lot of my characters have had to "burrow" things from clothing stores..xD
Ahh...the images right now...excuse me while I try my hardest not to fall off of this chair here.
xD, sometimes when you want to infiltrate the enemy's location you will have to make some sacrifices when it comes to fashion.
Ahh, well that's a great sign there, already planning the post victory celebrations..that's a good sign they're at least confident that this plan of theirs will end up being some sort of a success.
Ah, there's the jellymobile...maybe...I feel like that's a good name for it but I suppose to carry all the kids their going to need more than just one van...xD
Woohoo, team jellybeans is on the move!!
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, the plot is certainly moving forward here little by little. Looks like we're done with the whole regrouping and preparing scenario and things are going to get back into some spy scenes, that should certainly be quite entertaining.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for the review, Harry!! ^-^
Ehehe perhaps... the great showdown of the jellybeans vs. the cookies... ;))
omg yes xD
Thanks again, and I hope you have a fantastic day/night!! =D
You're Welcome!!! ANd you too
Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,
)
Mailice here with a short review!
So with Act 13, we finally have the kids more or less ready to spring into action after finding out where the cookie villains are. I like how this chapter sticks to two sides - first the humour and then the action. It felt good how that mix came together here without dragging anything out too much from either side. Just that in this act the humour is more in dialogue. (I think that's where you always create a great alternation between the actions and the dialogue to create a balance.)
I liked that you got a focus on Kit and co. again after they'd been apart for a while. I also like that so far everything is still holding up as planned and nothing has gone wrong. I love how the children's imaginations are well displayed here, showing off the cars and military equipment spray-painted in colour. (Wouldn't all the armies in the world look better if they were colourful?
Something that confused me at the beginning was just Gus' comment that the flour is grown from an area in southeastern America. I thought it was somewhere in Brazil or Argentina because of the South at the beginning. But I assume that most people will immediately understand that it means the area in the U.S. on the southern Atlantic Ocean.
What else I liked here in the chapter was the structure of the dialogue and how all three kids had enough screentime. It gives the act a good mix and balance here.
I don't have anything really critical to say here. I liked the chapter because the children are together again and you learn an important piece of information from the children. I am now curious to see how the reunion of the two parties will play out.
Other points that stood out to me while reading:
Ah, I like the reference to the "borrowed cars" again. I am very curious to see how many cars are still whole after the battle and can be returned.
The preposition "of" between "a couple" and "moments" is missing here.
I like how you can read a doubt from Kit at the beginning and only after a while, when she is thinking, she comes up with a compliment. It shows me that she's still not really familiar with what makes a leader and how she can inspire the crowd. Great design here!
That's a crime that can't be made right!
I would add a question mark after the three ... in this dialogue. Because it looks (and it reads) like the beginning of a question.
This was a great chapter with funny moments (I love it when a connection to this series is put in that acts like a jumping plot point) and how they are now getting ready. Great job!
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Hi Mailice, thanks for the review!! ^-^
XD For sure!!
Ohh actually that's an excellent point!! I'll change that to U.S. right away-- thanks for catching that!
Have a wonderful day/night!! =D
Check out the other acts too, if you haven't already! ^-^
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 4
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 5
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 6
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 7
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 8
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 9
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 10
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 11
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 12
(This is Act 13!)
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 14