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20 Reviews

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Reviews: 20

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Wed Mar 31, 2021 10:31 am
InJung15 wrote a review...



Wow, this is brilliant, you are really talented writers. I loved every bit of it and it was quite impactful to me seen as I have experienced some of this myself. I loved your use of similes and other figurative language, they matched perfectly. Your rhyming was also quite well done and it really brought a nice flow to the poem. My favorite line/stanza overall was probably this;

"But just like weeds continue to grow

even after they are cut, these thoughts

continue to suffocate me no matter

how hard I try to exterminate them"

The simile used here was quite entertaining to read, I loved how you compared the mind to the ongoing growth of weeds, fits perfectly! The personification of how "thoughts" were suffocating the persona was also well done, although it is rather dark/strong to use such a word, I think it brings a better impact towards the audience, well done!

Overall amazing writing, definitely worth the read, keep writing more great pieces!!




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!



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65 Reviews

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Wed Mar 31, 2021 1:05 am
pineapple321 wrote a review...



Hi, Pineapple here for a little review!

Wow, both of you are very talented writers. You should really be proud of what you created. Your similies are spot on and a good add-on to it.

This is so relatable. We all go through Writers Block and just loss of motivation. This perfectly illustrated it. We listen to the opinions of others instead of just writing.

Your poem is very clean and organized. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. Your word choice was great, too.

I hope you guys keep writing. Tag me if you ever collab on a poem in the future, I'd love to read it!

Signed,

Pineapple




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review! I will definitely tag you if we do one again! :)



pineapple321 says...


:D



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58 Reviews

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Tue Mar 30, 2021 4:39 pm
quitecontrary wrote a review...



Hi @MapleWay and @starlitmind!
I'm just dropping by for a quick suggestion. The narrative of the poem is well done, but I think the metaphors could have been better presented to make the poem even more gripping.

But just like weeds continue to grow
even after they are cut, these thoughts
continue to suffocate me no matter
how hard I try to exterminate them.
Right here the specific metaphor used is a simile. Similes are great when you want to clearly connect two ideas(weeds and thoughts), but sometimes clarity lessens the impact. I think you both should use a full-on metaphor instead of a simile because then the reader is unsure of where the poem will go and there's more punch to every word you use. Here's what I mean: "Weeds clutter the garden of my mind / and though my hands move quickly / to pull them out, they suffocate me" <This metaphor still has clarity but it's much more specific to the situation, and that's what really makes the reader pause and consider the subject("thoughts") and how detrimental they can be.
My hands shake violently,
like kites tangles in hurricanes
This is a simile, but I think it packs more punch than the stanza above because the connection between "kites" and "hands" is not something the reader would immediately pick up on. It's kind of like guessing rhymes(if that makes sense?); if the reader is able to guess the rhyme ahead of time(lol) then the rhyme doesn't add much to the poem. On the same hand, I was able to guess the fourth line of the stanza from above, and that made the last line seem unnecessary.
(actually now that I think about it, maybe just re-organizing that stanza would help> "No matter how hard I try to exterminate them / these thoughts continue to grow after they are cut / and like weeds they suffocate me")
Overall the subject was very powerful, and the way the narrator ties their self-worth to creativity really makes a statement regarding artists(are our works only worth it if they are creative?/who gets to decide if our works are worth it?). This was really great, but look through your third and fourth stanzas and see if it would make the poem more powerful by putting the metaphor in from of the subject("They snap it in two / my strings of hope").

Happy Writing! :D




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the kind review! I might take a look at these later! :D



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Tue Mar 30, 2021 4:17 pm
twiggy wrote a review...



Hi MapleWay! starlitmind! @hannah0528 here for a quick review. I have never written, read or reviewed a collab poem, so this will be interesting! It has been forever since I've written a review, so it might not be the best one I have ever written. Well, enough blabbing. Lets get to it!

Grows:
There aren't many mistakes, but I have a few suggestions:

"Every time I feel a string of hope,
they snap it into two."

Instead of "into" it should be "in".

"they tel me my idea is no good."

You forgot the extra l in "tell"!


Glows:

Wow! This was a wonderful collaborative poem. I like the imagery and how you brought the feelings to life. Great job with the similes!


I hope my review was helpful! I hope to hear more from you! Keep writing and have a great day.




MapleWay says...


Thanks, Hannah! I'll fix those!



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701 Reviews

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Tue Mar 30, 2021 8:17 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello. Here for a review.

You two did a good job collabing such a beautiful poem! It is actually too relatable. The descriptions and metaphors u gave there were actually awesome. Our thoughts are often against us. Those situations are terrible. It also depicts how we have so many ideas in our mind but we can't focus on any of them.

Overall, a very good job! Keep it up!




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the nice review!



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Tue Mar 30, 2021 5:13 am
Spearmint says...



Ahh this poem is so beautiful and relatable, with such amazing descriptions too!! ^-^ An absolutely fantastic collab <333




MapleWay says...


Thanks, mint! :D



Spearmint says...


:D




Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold