Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Script » Humor


A (Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 15

by Spearmint, MapleWay


Setting: The van, where GUS, SEBASTIAN, and KIT and the SPIES are sitting

KIT

So, we found the brothers... and guess what? We found out their awesome spectacular top-secret secret-y secret too!! It's incredible and amazing and will change the whole course of the battle and--

(there's a loud knock on the van door)

SEBASTIAN (Getting up to answer the door)

Hello?

MAN (Looks to be around 30 and has a lot of scruff on his face. Is wearing a white tank-top and jeans. Also looks very tired)

Hey! I saw you kids sneaking into the base. Um... What were you doing?

SEBASTIAN (Looking suspiciously)

Um... (Closes door and looks at KIT and GUS in panic) Do you think he's a part of the brothers team?! A third brother?! A over-sized non-hamster minion?!

KID 1

There are non-hamster minions?! (gasps and looks warily at the door) Hmm...

KID 2

Hey, wait a second... Kit, didn't he look kinda familiar?

KIT

Oh yeah! He's the guy who was eating a veggie sandwich!

GUS

Ew veggies... (Takes a big handful of barbeque chips and jellybeans)

KIT

Oh, that's right! I got interrupted... what I was going to say was, the top-secret secret is... veggies are the cure for the crazy sugar cookies! So that veggie man--

MAN (Knocks again)

Hello? Don't worry! I'm not with them! Nor am I an over-sized non-hamster minion...

KIT

(looks at the team) Okay... I think he's safe... (opens the door) Hi?

MAN

Hey... So you never answered my question... What were you doing in neon clothes and ugly circle glasses?

KIT

Aw man, even a stranger thinks they were ugly... (turns to the MAN) Ahem, anyways, I'll have you know that we were on a very important spy mission into the enemy's territory. Lots and lots of top-secret spy stuff!

MAN

Whadya learn?

GUS

The brothers cookies have a cure! Vegtables! (Smiles)

KIT

(gasps) Ahh nooo Gus, first rule of spying: don't give away our intel to random strangers who eat veggie sandwiches!

GUS

Oh... Sorry!

(Man begins to walk away)

KIT

Hey! Where are you going?

MAN

I'll... Be right back. Stay here.

KIT

Uhh... sure, as long as you're not teaming up with the cookie brothers... But we'll stay here because we want to, not because you told us to! (crosses arms stubbornly)

(A couple of hours later)

SEBASTIAN

I don't think he's coming back. N- not that we want him to come back anyways. (Crosses arms)

(A knock sounds on the door, the kids exchange glances)

MAN (Opens the door)

Follow me.

KIT

(narrows her eyes suspiciously) No way!

MAN

... I've got candy.

GUS

(salivating) Candy...

KIT

(squints at the man again) Well... in that case, as long as it's not yucky vegetable-flavored candy...

MAN

It's not. Follow me.

(GUS, KIT, SEBASTIAN, and three other KIDS get out of the van and follow the man)

(The man shows them the way to another van)

MAN

Come on. (Takes a couple of jellybeans out of his pocket and throws them into the van. (Also on another note if there are any kids reading... Don't do this under any circumstances!))

KIDS (Looking at the MAN)

You're going to need a couple more.

(MAN sighs and grabs another handful and throws them in.)

KIDS

A little more...

(MAN groans and tosses in another handful.)

KIDS

(look at the MAN, then look at each other and shrug) Okay, that's good!

(The KIDS enter the van to see a huge array of different computers and crates full of inventions and supplies to make them. There was also a particularly big crate that had an unpleasant stench coming from it.)

KIT

Eww... What's in that crate? Moldy candy or something?

MAN

It's the solution to all of your problems.

KID 3

Well that's not vague at all...

KIT

(stares at the crate) Is it... v-vegetables? Yuck! (scrunches her face up, then sighs) But I guess they are the cure...

MAN

Are you ready?

KIDS

Yeah...

MAN

ARE. YOU. READY?

KIDS

YEAH!

MAN

Let's save the world... After a few preparations.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
799 Reviews


Points: 83958
Reviews: 799

Donate
Thu Jul 08, 2021 5:00 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

The story takes an unexpected turn in this act and I am very surprised at how it has developed. The fact that a strange man is now present to help them (who can't be trusted yet because he ate a veggie sandwich :D) is a completely new beginning for me. I like how you used this act to highlight two things; firstly that they now know exactly that the antidote is vegetables and it can be used to save the world, as well as the introduction of the man.

It was a fun chapter. I can only ever repeat myself there, but the inclusion of the seriousness and the humour always make a good combination. I just expected maybe someone would reference the Jellybeans series when the man throws the jellybeans in the van, and you get sceptical on that. :D

One point where I'm still in doubt as to whether this was a great idea was the insertion of the man. I think the kids are certainly better off if they're going to manage to defeat the brothers on their own, but I'll have to wait and see how much screentime the man will take up. In that, I also think it would be good if you could give him a name.

Otherwise, it was a well-written chapter. I didn't find anything necessarily in the way of grammar and also for the sake of structure, it read well. As I said, I'm not so sure yet with the man, how he's inserted and if that was good or not, but still, it's great to insert a new character to give the story a new background. Other points that stood out to me:

Hey, I saw you kids sneaking into the base. Um... what were you doing?

That seems like a not-so-bright adult to me, so in restraint he has to ask the kids what they were doing. :D Sebastian's reaction is delicious, how he ignores him and closes the door while asking who he might be. :D

(gasps) Ahh nooo Gus, first rule of spying: don't give away our intel to random strangers who eat veggie sandwiches!

That's the most important rule there is for spies! :D Don't trust anyone, especially anyone who eats veggie sandwiches. :D

... I've got candy.

This sounds creepier than it actually is, but is also probably the most effective way to get the kids docile.

Come on. (Takes a couple of jellybeans out of his pocket and throws them into the van. (Also on another note if there are any kids reading...D Don't do this under any circumstances!))

The question I ask myself here is whether you can catch an adult with them.

It was a great act with the inclusion of a new character without losing the humour. I really liked how the kids find him sceptical and ominous and also don't immediately trust him until the point with the jellybeans and the van.

Have fun writing!

Mailice.




Spearmint says...


Thanks so much for the review, Mailice!! ^-^
I think the kids are certainly better off if they're going to manage to defeat the brothers on their own, but I'll have to wait and see how much screentime the man will take up.

Ooh yes, that's a great point there-- the kids are supposed to be the main characters, so we'll be sure to keep that in mind! C:
The question I ask myself here is whether you can catch an adult with them.

0.0 Perhaps... maybe no one's immune to the power of candy... >.> xD
Thanks again for the review, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!! =D



User avatar
2168 Reviews


Points: 232595
Reviews: 2168

Donate
Thu Jul 08, 2021 10:43 am
View Likes
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaaaack for another review!!!

First Impression: This was quite an interesting development here, a new character being added after all this time....and its a man...ahh...well, it looks like our team here might get some help, either that or they walked into a well laid trap.

Anyway let's get right to it,

KIT

So, we found the brothers... and guess what? We found out their awesome spectacular top-secret secret-y secret too!! It's incredible and amazing and will change the whole course of the battle and--

(there's a loud knock on the van door)


Oooh....that can't be good, anyone that's interrupting a conversation that's just about to get started especially when that conversation is about a super secret thing like this is generally not good...

SEBASTIAN (Getting up to answer the door)

Hello?

MAN (Looks to be around 30 and has a lot of scruff on his face. Is wearing a white tank-top and jeans. Also looks very tired)

Hey! I saw you kids sneaking into the base. Um... What were you doing?


Oh dear...one hand, he doesn't look too suspicious...especially with looking tired...but I have a bad feeling this is someone that the brother's hired to do their work or something...or why would this dude have noticed them sneaking into the base....and aren't most adults supposed to be...wait a minute...the veggies sandwich...could this be???

SEBASTIAN (Looking suspiciously)

Um... (Closes door and looks at KIT and GUS in panic) Do you think he's a part of the brothers team?! A third brother?! A over-sized non-hamster minion?!


He just straight up slammed the door in that guy's face didn't he? That's probably a smart thing to do there as a spy...although they should also by this point be driving away as fast as possible...just in case the man is infact supporting the brothers.

KID 1

There are non-hamster minions?! (gasps and looks warily at the door) Hmm...

KID 2

Hey, wait a second... Kit, didn't he look kinda familiar?

KIT

Oh yeah! He's the guy who was eating a veggie sandwich!


Oooh...yes....that prediction was correct...although that could just mean that he's working for team evil cookies and they told him to eat veggie sandwiches so that he would be able to work for them rather than being useless like the other adults.

GUS

Ew veggies... (Takes a big handful of barbeque chips and jellybeans)

KIT

Oh, that's right! I got interrupted... what I was going to say was, the top-secret secret is... veggies are the cure for the crazy sugar cookies! So that veggie man--


That's probably not the wisest move there...shouting that out right after only shutting the door in the man's face...they have to at least make sure he's gone...ahh...some lax in spy techniques by KIT here I see.

MAN (Knocks again)

Hello? Don't worry! I'm not with them! Nor am I an over-sized non-hamster minion...

KIT

(looks at the team) Okay... I think he's safe... (opens the door) Hi?


That was totally a very convincing denial of him not being a part of team cookies...this is definitely not going to end up with everyone being captured or something horrible like that...

MAN

Hey... So you never answered my question... What were you doing in neon clothes and ugly circle glasses?

KIT

Aw man, even a stranger thinks they were ugly... (turns to the MAN) Ahem, anyways, I'll have you know that we were on a very important spy mission into the enemy's territory. Lots and lots of top-secret spy stuff!


Oh dear...well, on one hand, this man appears to be smart enough to see through the disguises which is quite impressive cause they are very convincing, or perhaps the minions are just not very perceptive...but also...that was indeed a bit of a burn there by the man.

MAN

Whadya learn?

GUS

The brothers cookies have a cure! Vegtables! (Smiles)


Noo...terrible move...one does not gush out valuable intel to strangers that you met literally five seconds ago..

KIT

(gasps) Ahh nooo Gus, first rule of spying: don't give away our intel to random strangers who eat veggie sandwiches!

GUS

Oh... Sorry!


Oh whoops...sorry for stealing your line Kit, did not mean to do that at all...

(Man begins to walk away)

KIT

Hey! Where are you going?

MAN

I'll... Be right back. Stay here.


Oooh...why do I get the feeling he will be returning with a whole pack of minions, the brothers and perhaps some cookie monsters...okay probably not the last one...but I'm still very suspicious of this guy.

KIT

Uhh... sure, as long as you're not teaming up with the cookie brothers... But we'll stay here because we want to, not because you told us to! (crosses arms stubbornly)


Of course it's cause they want to....

(A couple of hours later)

SEBASTIAN

I don't think he's coming back. N- not that we want him to come back anyways. (Crosses arms)


Sebastian making a very convincing denial as well...

(A knock sounds on the door, the kids exchange glances)

MAN (Opens the door)

Follow me.

KIT

(narrows her eyes suspiciously) No way!


I'm with Kit on this one...why would he ask them to follow him for anything besides some kind of super evil plan to trap them all and do some experiments on how to make the cookies work on kids or something...

MAN

... I've got candy.

GUS

(salivating) Candy...


Oh noo...they're fatal weakness is being exploited, team jellybeans is in serious danger, I repeat, team jellybeans is in serious danger.

KIT

(squints at the man again) Well... in that case, as long as it's not yucky vegetable-flavored candy...

MAN

It's not. Follow me.


Hmm, good on her to make sure to clarify that..

(GUS, KIT, SEBASTIAN, and three other KIDS get out of the van and follow the man)

(The man shows them the way to another van)

MAN

Come on. (Takes a couple of jellybeans out of his pocket and throws them into the van. (Also on another note if there are any kids reading... Don't do this under any circumstances!))


xD...the PSA is appreciated...but also...hmm, I have a feeling the jellybeans are somehow a trap...or is he declaring allegiance to team jellybeans....ahh...this is quite mysterious at the moment.

KIDS (Looking at the MAN)

You're going to need a couple more.

(MAN sighs and grabs another handful and throws them in.)

KIDS

A little more...

(MAN groans and tosses in another handful.)


Ahh...this one never fails to make me double over laughing and seriously threaten me falling off of my chair.

KIDS

(look at the MAN, then look at each other and shrug) Okay, that's good!

(The KIDS enter the van to see a huge array of different computers and crates full of inventions and supplies to make them. There was also a particularly big crate that had an unpleasant stench coming from it.)


This has to be some sort of stockpile for creating evil cookies...either than or this man is someone that somehow figured out how to use the vegetable hack and is working on something to defeat the brothers....

KIT

Eww... What's in that crate? Moldy candy or something?

MAN

It's the solution to all of your problems.


Well, that was a very helpful explanation.

KID 3

Well that's not vague at all...


AHhh...I keep stealing lines by accident...I'm so sorry...

KIT

(stares at the crate) Is it... v-vegetables? Yuck! (scrunches her face up, then sighs) But I guess they are the cure...

MAN

Are you ready?


Oh gosh...is this some kind of superhero perhaps? Veggie Man? Okay...now I'm starting to think perhaps I judged this person wrongly on the first try...maybe he is going to help them.

KIDS

Yeah...

MAN

ARE. YOU. READY?

KIDS

YEAH!

MAN

Let's save the world... After a few preparations.


Wooohooo...its official, Veggie Man and Team Jellybeans shall be taking down Team Cookies....ahh...well Imma run right towards that next chapter to see what's going on there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another fun chapter, this time with some even more plans being made to save the world, and with the help of this veggie man, it looks very possible..although...I'm still not a hundred percent sure this man can be trusted...well, gonna hop right to that next one then.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Spearmint says...


Hi Harry, thanks so much for the review!! ^-^
...although that could just mean that he's working for team evil cookies and they told him to eat veggie sandwiches so that he would be able to work for them rather than being useless like the other adults.

Hmm... certainly a good theory, but I think you might be overestimating team evil cookies a bit here... ;)
Oh noo...they're fatal weakness is being exploited, team jellybeans is in serious danger, I repeat, team jellybeans is in serious danger.

XDD yes, their great weakness...
Oh gosh...is this some kind of superhero perhaps? Veggie Man?

Omg, @MapleWay and I had that same thought when we were writing this xD Though we also wondered whether the hypothetical Veggie Man would use his pointy carrots and lettuce grenades to become a supervillain instead... >.>
XD Thanks again for the review, and have a great day/night!! =D



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!

xD...I was going all out on the theorizing.

Also oh dear...that would've certainly been terrifying!




Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li