z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A (Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 10

by MapleWay, Spearmint


Setting: Topeka, outside the city hall

(All of the cars from the three groups gathered along the city hall street in a semi-organized line that could be comparable to a line of ants. All of the kids all gathered outside and KIT, SEBASTIAN, and GUS stood at the top of the long line of stairs.)

(KIT stands on top of a trashcan found on the side of the road)

KIT

So! (waves her arms for a second to keep her balance) Thanks for coming, everyone! I'm sure you must all be tired from the long drives, so--

KID IN THE CROWD (Shouting)

WE CAN'T HEAR YOU! Talk louder or something!

KIT

Huh?

ALL THE KIDS IN THE CROWD

WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!

KIT

Oh. Uh...

SEBASTIAN

I think I saw a microphone in the back! I'll go get it! (Runs off)

(KIT smiles nervously at the crowd)

SEBASTIAN (A couple of minutes later)

Here we go! (Plugs in microphone and gives it to KIT)

KIT (To Sebastian)

Thanks, Seb! (turns to the crowd, taps mic) Can you all hear me now?

(microphone squeals, everyone winces)

SEBASTIAN

Oh sorry! Let me fix that! (Messes around with the settings)

KIT

(tries the mic again) Hello, hello? Oh phew, that's better. (wipes forehead) So, as I was saying... uh... wait. What was I saying? (thinks for a moment) Ah, that's right! You all must be exhausted, so I'll try to keep this short. First off, thank you so much for coming! Second, Gus, Seb, and I still need to finalize our plans, so why don't you all rest for now! There's a candy store around the corner and a playground a few blocks away. And tonight we'll be staying in the Justinian Hotel, so if you have any luggage, make sure to put it there. Hmm, and since we are trying to save the world, I'm sure the staff won't mind if you bring snacks in there too! (grins at the crowd)

(The crowd happily goes running off to the hotel and candy store while the three go inside to make some plans.)

GUS

Ok! So what are we planning on doing? (Stuffs a handfull of barbeque chips in his mouth)

SEBASTIAN

Hmm... One thought I had was that if we are going to go to war then we are going to need weapons. (Opens up his computer and begins typing) Ok. I'm pretty sure there is a military base that supplies a whole bunch of them in... (Points south) That direction!

KIT

Perfect! You can take a squad of kids and head over in the morning to get the weapons. Then we'll just have to locate the villains and attack! Oh, but no killing though, my mom says that's very rude. (nods seriously)

GUS

Maybe we could modify them so they shoot food or something?

KIT

Ooh or glitter! Especially pink glitter; that's my favorite.

SEBASTIAN

In some of the Fun and Jellybeans episodes, they have soap guns that help them trap the evil veggies.

KIT

Oh yeah, that's right! Seb, do you think your group can modify the weapons to shoot food, glitter, or soap?

SEBASTIAN

Yep! I'm sure there are some videos on UsTube!

KIT

Awesome! Yeah, UsTube has everything! Alrighty then, Gus, can you and some other kids try to find the cookie villains' location?

GUS

Can do! I already have a plan!

KIT

Great, thanks! I'll start working on what we're going to do when we get there... Oh, and keep everyone out of trouble, of course. We can't have everyone getting into food comas before we launch our attack... Okay, but I think that's about it for this meeting! Hands in, everyone! (sticks her hand out in the middle of the group)

(SEBASTIAN and GUS put their hands in)

KIDS

One, two, three! Go team jellybeans!

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Sat May 29, 2021 9:14 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

Let's start with what I noticed while reading:

All of the kids all gathered outside and KIT, SEBASTIAN, and GUS all stood at the top of the long line of stairs).


I would remove the second "all" here. Otherwise, I like that combined with the first sentence you have created a connection with the sentence beginnings. ("All of the cars" - "All of the kids.) It reads very well.

And tonight we'll be staying in the Justinian Hotel, so if you have any luggage, make sure to put it there. Hmm, and since we are trying to save the world, I'm sure the staff won't mind if you bring snacks in there too! (grins at the crowd)


Is this a five-star hotel with a spa? I can already see all the crumbs lying around. :D

Then we'll just have to locate the villains and attack! Oh, but no killing though, my mom says that's very rude. (nods seriously)


That's the most important rule in such fights! Kudos to Kit (and Kit's mum for teaching her that).

Maybe we could modify them so they shoot food or something?


That's an exciting idea. Would also minimise world hunger if they shot food out of the guns. :D I also hope they can modify the weapons so they can carry them. I can just imagine some of the kids flying half a mile away with a bazooka after one shot. :D

Ooh or glitter! Especially pink glitter; that's my favourite.


:D

Yep! I'm sure there are some videos on UsTube!


I know this is supposed to be a comedic form of YouTube, but I'm not sure if UsTube is referring to U.S. Tube, or a communist version of YouTube (Us - Tube) :D Either way, it's funny.

Oh, and keep everyone out of trouble, of course. We can't have everyone getting into food comas before we launch our attack....


This comes a little too late, now that the kids are already looking for snacks and probably can't hold back. :D

One, two, three! Go team jellybeans!


That's a rallying cry! I hope the kids will find some graffiti cans somewhere and spray "Team Jellybeans" on the cars. I hope they become a real military unit. :D

Let's start off by saying I like how the kids are driving back and forth across half the US. It seems like a fun road trip to me. :D You two always manage to build up some tension, in combination with the humour. I like that and it doesn't seem repetitive or too much either.

One point where I think (will probably only be the case at the moment) is how Kit's friends take more of a back seat and have very little screentime. Most of them only have one sentence or so, which I think is a bit of a shame. I think there could definitely be some brief comments in there from Seb and co. every now and then, like what happened during the drive that the reader doesn't see. ("Kit talks about food comas now, but when we were driving through Colorado, she was in the back seat with a sugar shock and we went off the road several times.") or something like that.

Still, it was a very great chapter! I am now excited to see how Team Jellybean will save the world!

Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review! I%u2019ll definitely check out some of your suggestions! :D



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Sat May 29, 2021 6:09 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaaack for yet another installment...yes I'm trying to change these up here and there cause I've said the same thing entirely too many times on this crazy adventure we got here

First Impression: OKay....well this is headed in an awesome direction...can't wait to see a giant battle involving guns shooting pink glitter...and also ahhh...team jellybeans is CANON now...and I love it....

Anyway let's get right to it,

Setting: Topeka, outside the city hall

(All of the cars from the three groups gathered along the city hall street in a semi-organized line that could be comparable to a line of ants. All of the kids all gathered outside and KIT, SEBASTIAN, and GUS all stood at the top of the long line of stairs.)

(KIT stands on top of a trashcan found on the side of the road)

KIT


Hmm..well Kit seems to have really enjoyed her trashcan dive earlier cause she is totally setting herself up for the sequel to that particular kind of trashcan dive already.

So! (waves her arms for a second to keep her balance) Thanks for coming, everyone! I'm sure you must all be tired from the long drives, so--

KID IN THE CROWD

WE CAN'T HEAR YOU! Talk louder or something!


Hmm...well that's an interesting problem...hopefully there's going to be a convenient microphone located somewhere close by...I mean of course, this is an apocalypse, everything you need has to be just around the corner somewhere.

KIT

Huh?

ALL THE KIDS IN THE CROWD

WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!


Hmm...well that must have been a deafening sound...phew...when sixty kids yell at the top of their voices...now that's what you call a deadly weapon.

KIT

Oh. Uh...

SEBASTIAN

I think I saw a microphone in the back! I'll go get it! (Runs off)


Aaand there comes the microphone, that one was surprisingly further away than I expected it to be. I half expected them to find a fully functioning microphone already inside the trashcan...but that would have been a bit too convenient I suppose...xD

(KIT smiles nervously at the crowd)

SEBASTIAN (A couple of minutes later)

Here we go! (Plugs in microphone and gives it to KIT)


Okay...let's hope this microphone works out...xD

KIT (To Sebastian)

Thanks, Seb! (turns to the crowd, taps mic) Can you all hear me now?

(microphone squeals, everyone winces)


Oof I hate those feedback sounds....its always horribly annoying when a microphone keeps doing that when someone's speaking with those things.

(tries the mic again) Hello, hello? Oh phew, that's better. (wipes forehead) So, as I was saying... uh... wait. What was I saying? (thinks for a moment) Ah, that's right! You all must be exhausted, so I'll try to keep this short. First off, thank you so much for coming! Second, Gus, Seb, and I still need to finalize our plans, so why don't you all rest for now! There's a candy store around the corner and a playground a few blocks away. And tonight we'll be staying in the Justinian Hotel, so if you have any luggage, make sure to put it there. Hmm, and since we are trying to save the world, I'm sure the staff won't mind if you bring snacks in there too! (grins at the crowd)


Well a candy store sounds like the perfect place to catch a quick rest there....definitely the best place for this gang to take a break....well let's see what kind of plan team jellybeans manages to come up with here.

(The crowd happily goes running off to the hotel and candy store while the three go inside to make some plans.)

GUS

Ok! So what are we planning on doing? (Stuffs a handfull of barbeque chips in his mouth)


Well he has cracked the code for how to effectively plan things out...snacks are definitely the key on that sort of thing.

SEBASTIAN

Hmm... One thought I had was that if we are going to go to war then we are going to need weapons. (Opens up his computer and begins typing) Ok. I'm pretty sure there is a military base that supplies a whole bunch of them in... (Points south) That direction!


Ooooh...team jellybeans is about to get armored...oohh this is going to be interesting...wonder what weapons they're going to end up using...and if they can even lift most of the weapons in the first place..that's not going to be terribly easy either.

KIT

Perfect! You can take a squad of kids and head over in the morning to get the weapons. Then we'll just have to locate the villains and attack! Oh, but no killing though, my mom says that's very rude. (nods seriously)


Killing is definitely rude, I'm pretty sure the best option is to get a hold of like water guns and shoot whipped cream or something...or maybe food canons....those have to be a thing...

GUS

Maybe we could modify them so they shoot food or something?

KIT

Ooh or glitter! Especially pink glitter; that's my favorite.


Ahhhhh...how did I predict that....well...didn't predict the glitter xD....pink glitter would definitely be an awesome weapon.

SEBASTIAN

In some of the Fun and Jellybeans episodes, they have soap guns that help them trap the evil veggies.

KIT

Oh yeah, that's right! Seb, do you think your group can modify the weapons to shoot food, glitter, or soap?


This is going to be an awesome army....

SEBASTIAN

Yep! I'm sure there are some videos on UsTube!

KIT

Awesome! Yeah, UsTube has everything! Alrighty then, Gus, can you and some other kids try to find the cookie villains' location?


Well if that's anything like youtube...those videos would definitely be very easy to find...:D

GUS

Can do! I already have a plan!

KIT

Great, thanks! I'll start working on what we're going to do when we get there... Oh, and keep everyone out of trouble, of course. We can't have everyone getting into food comas before we launch our attack... Okay, but I think that's about it for this meeting! Hands in, everyone! (sticks her hand out in the middle of the group)


Oooh good point, sixty kids loose in a candy store can definitely lead to a few food comas.

(SEBASTIAN and GUS put their hands in)

KIDS

One, two, three! Go team jellybeans!


Yay!!!

Team Jellybeans is officially canon and I LOVE that name. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Well...another lovely addition to this crazy skit...I will patiently await the arrival of more..and until then....that's it for now. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




MapleWay says...


I%u2019m glad you liked it! And also funny enough YOU inspired the name Team Jellybeans! You kept using it so we decided to include it! :D



KateHardy says...


WHOA...that's awesome :D




Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author