Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,
Mailice here with a short review! 
Glad to get back to my favourite play. Let's just get right into what funny or not so funny things I noticed while reading:
If you see any comfortable-looking cars along the way, use them to pick up some new recruits and drive them back here! Don't worry, we'll return the cars once we save the world.
Two comments here: Good that Kit says they are looking for comfortable-looking cars and that they want to return them later. That shows forward planning. Also, it's just the right way to borrow a car when the world seems to be coming to an end.
(Begins to climb on top of upside down trashcan)
I think there is a "the" or an "an" missing here between "of" and "upside".
So for all of you who haven't met me yet my name is Kit!
I would add a comma after the "haven't met me yet", or perhaps a colon to make the solemnity of Kit introducing herself more solemn.
I am seven and a quarter years old.
I've never met a child who introduced their age as X and a quarter years.
I like that idea though.(Jumps a few inches off the ground but lands on the back side of it and falls into a pile of trash.) Oof! Hey! Is that a half eaten lollipop?! Sweet! (All of the kids begin to laugh.)
My highlight of this chapter.
So anyways, as you heard Seb say, we have quite the situation. And we need your help! So! What do you all say!
Of course, I can quickly jump to the last act here and look up what Seb said, but I would perhaps insert a little scene where some children whisper what Seb said because they can't remember.
That's the spirit! Now, let's all rest for the night (I think I saw a hotel a few blocks away), and then get ready for an awesome road trip tomorrow! Woo-hoo!! (jumps up and down excitedly (this time without falling!), then leads the other kids to the hotel)
Here are also two points I'd like to make: On the first sentence in brackets, I don't know to what extent it belongs in brackets, as I guess that's what Kit thinks. I would mark it in italic or otherwise, as the current brackets describe actions. The second comment is that I like that you made the second part in brackets and added the brief comment that Kit didn't fall this time.
One on pedal duty. One on steering wheel duty. One on gas duty. And one on snack duty.
I thought that snack duty was the most important and would be listed first from the children's side.
I liked the chapter a lot. It was short and sweet. It had the right amount of humour inserted again, where I think Kit was the humorous highlight here. I like how she tries to appear as a leader and yet gets into more or less awkward situations that she elegantly works around.
I also like that the story is now moving towards action and how it seems that the final errands have been run. (Not that I would mind dwelling on that point any longer
). One point where I think that is not really a criticism was that the chapter was too short. But since you both always publish the acts in double pact, that's not so bad. I wouldn't know how to lengthen it here either as it was a very straightforward chapter.In summary, it was a great chapter with a lot of humour that put a bigger smile on my lips at the breakfast table than the sun finally showing itself today.
Have a great time writing it!
Mailice.
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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