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A (Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 9

by Spearmint, MapleWay


Setting: Salt Lake City, outside the grocery market

KIT (to the treehouse kids, as they all munch on candy)

All right, so we need to find the kids who came to this city to help us fight the evil cookie brothers. (pauses to lick her lollipop) We'll be separating into groups of two or three, and each picking a direction to search! If you see any comfortable-looking cars along the way, use them to pick up some new recruits and drive them back here! Don't worry, we'll return the cars once we save the world. Okay, got it, everyone?

TREEHOUSE KIDS

Yeah! (scramble to find their groups and start running around Salt Lake City)

(a few hours later, a large crowd of kids and an assortment of cars are gathered in front of the grocery store)

KIT

Wow! There's got to be... (Begins to count) Um... sixty people here! (Begins to climb on top of an upside-down trashcan) Ok! So for all of you who haven't met me yet, my name is Kit! I am seven and a quarter years old. Am four feet tall. Love the show Fun and Jellybeans. Annnd let's see... Oh! I can jump this high! (Jumps a few inches off the ground but lands on the back side of it and falls into a pile of trash.) Oof! Hey! Is that a half eaten lollipop?! Sweet! (All of the kids begin to laugh.)

KIT (Continuing)

So anyways, as you heard Seb say on TV, we have quite the situation with these evil cookie brothers. And we need your help! So! What do you all say!

THE CROWD (Quietly)

Ya...

KIT (Even louder)

I can't hear you!

THE CROWD

(Sighs) YA!

KIT

That's the spirit! Now, let's all rest for the night-- I think I saw a hotel a few blocks away-- and then get ready for an awesome road trip tomorrow! Woo-hoo!! (jumps up and down excitedly (this time without falling!), then leads the other kids to the hotel)

(the next morning, back outside the grocery store)

KIT

(ushering the other kids towards the entrance) Okay, okay, listen up! Use the bathroom everyone, put the shopping carts back where they were, and don't forget to grab some snacks!

(The party unloaded into a little over 20 cars, each with four kids in them. One on pedal duty. One on steering wheel duty. One on gas duty. And one on snack duty. They would each rotate every hour or so. It took a couple days, counting potty breaks. But they eventually made it to Topeka along with Gus and Seb's parties.)


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Sat May 29, 2021 8:51 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Spearmint and MapleWay,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Glad to get back to my favourite play. :D Let's just get right into what funny or not so funny things I noticed while reading:

If you see any comfortable-looking cars along the way, use them to pick up some new recruits and drive them back here! Don't worry, we'll return the cars once we save the world.


Two comments here: Good that Kit says they are looking for comfortable-looking cars and that they want to return them later. That shows forward planning. Also, it's just the right way to borrow a car when the world seems to be coming to an end. :D

(Begins to climb on top of upside down trashcan)


I think there is a "the" or an "an" missing here between "of" and "upside".

So for all of you who haven't met me yet my name is Kit!


I would add a comma after the "haven't met me yet", or perhaps a colon to make the solemnity of Kit introducing herself more solemn.

I am seven and a quarter years old.


I've never met a child who introduced their age as X and a quarter years. :D I like that idea though.

(Jumps a few inches off the ground but lands on the back side of it and falls into a pile of trash.) Oof! Hey! Is that a half eaten lollipop?! Sweet! (All of the kids begin to laugh.)


My highlight of this chapter. :D

So anyways, as you heard Seb say, we have quite the situation. And we need your help! So! What do you all say!


Of course, I can quickly jump to the last act here and look up what Seb said, but I would perhaps insert a little scene where some children whisper what Seb said because they can't remember.

That's the spirit! Now, let's all rest for the night (I think I saw a hotel a few blocks away), and then get ready for an awesome road trip tomorrow! Woo-hoo!! (jumps up and down excitedly (this time without falling!), then leads the other kids to the hotel)


Here are also two points I'd like to make: On the first sentence in brackets, I don't know to what extent it belongs in brackets, as I guess that's what Kit thinks. I would mark it in italic or otherwise, as the current brackets describe actions. The second comment is that I like that you made the second part in brackets and added the brief comment that Kit didn't fall this time.

One on pedal duty. One on steering wheel duty. One on gas duty. And one on snack duty.


I thought that snack duty was the most important and would be listed first from the children's side. :D

I liked the chapter a lot. It was short and sweet. It had the right amount of humour inserted again, where I think Kit was the humorous highlight here. I like how she tries to appear as a leader and yet gets into more or less awkward situations that she elegantly works around.

I also like that the story is now moving towards action and how it seems that the final errands have been run. (Not that I would mind dwelling on that point any longer :D). One point where I think that is not really a criticism was that the chapter was too short. But since you both always publish the acts in double pact, that's not so bad. I wouldn't know how to lengthen it here either as it was a very straightforward chapter.

In summary, it was a great chapter with a lot of humour that put a bigger smile on my lips at the breakfast table than the sun finally showing itself today. :D

Have a great time writing it!

Mailice.




Spearmint says...


Hi Mailice, thanks for the review!! =DD You brought up a ton of great points here-- I'll fix the grammar ones right away!
On the first sentence in brackets, I don't know to what extent it belongs in brackets, as I guess that's what Kit thinks. I would mark it in italic or otherwise, as the current brackets describe actions.

AH I didn't think of that! You're completely right; we'll have to make sure to keep the brackets for just actions to make it consistent. :D
...it was a great chapter with a lot of humour that put a bigger smile on my lips at the breakfast table than the sun finally showing itself today. :D

Aww that's so sweet, and I'm super happy our play made you smile!! ^-^
Thank you again for such a helpful and encouraging review, and I hope you have an absolutely wonderful day/night!! =D



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Sat May 29, 2021 4:58 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaaack for the battle between the jellybeans and the evil cookies....I was so happy to see this pop up this morning....its been such a fun little skit to follow :D

First Impression: Well...this was exactly what I was hoping for from the next instalment in this crazy adventure...and well...you know the drill by now...more details down below :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

KIT (to the treehouse kids, as they all munch on candy)

All right, so we need to find the kids who came to this city to help us fight the evil cookie brothers. (pauses to lick her lollipop) We'll be separating into groups of two or three, and each picking a direction to search! If you see any comfortable-looking cars along the way, use them to pick up some new recruits and drive them back here! Don't worry, we'll return the cars once we save the world. Okay, got it, everyone?


Of course...cars during the apocalypse are definitely meant to be stolen...I mean saving the world is of course far more important that not stealing those...and when they ultimately get blown in up in some sort of catastrophe you can't possibly be held responsible for that kind of destruction...

TREEHOUSE KIDS

Yeah! (scramble to find their groups and start running around Salt Lake City)

(a few hours later, a large crowd of kids and an assortment of cars are gathered in front of the grocery store)


Hmm...well the jellybean army has assembled I see....looks like the leader is about to deliver their epic speech here to rally the troops, well, let's see how this particular one ends up going for them.

Wow! There's got to be... (Begins to count) Um... sixty people here! (Begins to climb on top of upside down trashcan) Ok! So for all of you who haven't met me yet my name is Kit! I am seven and a quarter years old. Am four feet tall. Love the show Fun and Jellybeans. Annnd let's see... Oh! I can jump this high! (Jumps a few inches off the ground but lands on the back side of it and falls into a pile of trash.) Oof! Hey! Is that a half eaten lollipop?! Sweet! (All of the kids begin to laugh.)


Hmm...well Kit has covered all the essential points of introducing someone...jump height is definitely a very important measure to see in a leader....also...xD...half eaten lollipop in the trash..ahh this story cracks me up far too much...I'm convinced its not healthy for me to be laughing this hard so early in the morning.

KIT (Continuing)

So anyways, as you heard Seb say, we have quite the situation. And we need your help! So! What do you all say!

THE CROWD (Quietly)

Ya...


Well that's pretty much every crowd of children ever since the beginning of time when someone's talking about that sort of thing....

KIT (Even louder)

I can't hear you!

THE CROWD

(Sighs) YA!


Ahh...this somehow brings back memories now...

KIT

That's the spirit! Now, let's all rest for the night (I think I saw a hotel a few blocks away), and then get ready for an awesome road trip tomorrow! Woo-hoo!! (jumps up and down excitedly (this time without falling!), then leads the other kids to the hotel)


Hmm...well hopefully that hotel has enough rooms to fit all of these kids....sixty is a pretty small number I suppose....they'll do fine....xD

(the next morning, back outside the grocery store)

KIT

(ushering the other kids towards the entrance) Okay, okay, listen up! Use the bathroom everyone, put the shopping carts back where they were, and don't forget to grab some snacks!


The snacks might seem like the most important thing here but I can tell you going to bathroom is the number one most important thing you should never forget to do while in an apocalypse scenario to save the world like this...it can come to back to bite you otherwise.

(The party unloaded into a little over 20 cars, each with four kids in them. One on pedal duty. One on steering wheel duty. One on gas duty. And one on snack duty. They would each rotate every hour or so. It took a couple days, counting potty breaks. But they eventually made it to Topeka along with Gus and Seb's parties.)


OH gosh....*falls of chair*

*dusts himself off*

Well...this was a truly hilarious image to try and conjure up here...and the worst part of the whole thing is that this is somewhat logically possible...its not completely out of the realm of possibility that this could happen and that just makes it even more funny in my opinion. Ahh...I do love this.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall another wonderful and truly hilarious chapter here...now excuse me while I run over to review the next part :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Spearmint says...


Haha thanks for another great review, Harry!! It's awesome to see you're enjoying our play ^-^
Of course...cars during the apocalypse are definitely meant to be stolen ... ....and when they ultimately get blown in up in some sort of catastrophe you can't possibly be held responsible for that kind of destruction...

>.> of course not... who'd ever dream of holding the kids who saved the world responsible for stealing cars?? Even if those cars aren't in the best shape afterwards... >.>
The snacks might seem like the most important thing here but I can tell you going to bathroom is the number one most important thing you should never forget to do while in an apocalypse scenario to save the world like this...

Hm... why do I get the feeling that you're speaking from experience here? But indeed, using the bathroom before saving the world is definitely important... XD
Once again, thanks for the review, and have a fantastic day/night!! =DD



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!

xD :D




My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew