A box of gold
Holding a candle of light.
It flickers
It flutters
It duels the night sky.
I saw a silhouette moving
With that precious jewel in hand
Illuminating the path,
Removing the darkness
Bringing the light
And making it seem
like a grand concert
Where the man
has a great role to play!
Perhaps the main one.
I follow him and his great aura of light,
Sneaking ever so quietly.
It is impossible to lose him though.
I could sense him from a mile away.
Suddenly, he stops,
I hide behind a bush,
My heart thumping.
He puts down his lantern
and pulls something out of his pocket.
I slowly come closer to get a better look.
It looks like...
A letter?
He puts it in the nearby mailbox and leaves.
I return home but a couple of days later I find something outside my door.
Is that...
The letter?
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137,699 Literary Works • 672,061 Reviews
Hey, MapleWay, sorry this is late, but I just came across this piece of writing!
This was such a great poem! I really liked how it was so thrilling. The reader could feel like they were actually following the man. You built up so much suspense and added a cliff-hanger at the end, which I really enjoyed. It left me on edge!
My absolute favorite lines were "And making it seem/like a grand concert/Where the man/has a great role to play!" That was an excellent analogy and put an image in my head on what this person was like.
Overall great job, keep up the great work
Signed,
Pineapple
Thanks for the review!
When poems tell a story, it is so enchanting and this piece is a perfect example of this. I love the feeling that we are practically following this figure, one with a lantern and letter in hand. Careful word choice and variation within each line make for a satisfying read. Meanwhile, the first person narrator and descriptions of his or her experiences bring us from wherever we are and into the world that is created within this work. Personally, I like to see separation between stanzas but in poetry, punctuation and spacing really depends on what the author is trying to convey. I believe a very strong sequel could be written to this poem as well. It simply has such a feeling of peace and relaxation.
Thanks for the review! And I tried to do stanzas but it wouldn't let me...
Ok! That's good to know for the future.
Hey Maple!! So I noticed that you wanted to do stanzas? Here's a video that explains one way to do it; basically I think you hit shift enter for smaller spaces and enter for regular spaces. I had the same problem too before, and this helped me, so hopefully it works for you too!! ^-^
Thanks, @Spearmint! It worked!
Hello! Book_Dragon here for a really quick review.
First of all, this is a very nice poem. I love the suspense and how the reader is left with unanswered questions! My favorite bit is definitely:
A box of gold
Holding a candle of light.
It flickers
It flutters
It duels the night sky.
It just sounds so beautiful and kind of haunting as well, I think. Wow, I just really like that part. I can't think of any critiques at the moment, so good job both of you!
Keep writing,
-Book_Dragon
Thanks for the kind review!
Hello Boo’s
It’s Berry!
I loved the descriptive words in this and how it flowed so smoothly. The suspense of if the main character in this poem is going to be killed or not is a main point that brought this whole poem together! I loved the description of the lantern and how it flickers aswell. Good job you guys!
Thanks Berry!