Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,
Mailice back with another review! 
I like how the two chapters differ in contrast. Maybe I underestimate Vex and Surge a bit or Sebastian and the others overestimate them. I'm curious to see what happens next.
I liked the insight you got as a reader and how the chapter was structured. Above all, it felt like some kind of operation as they worked on modifying the weapons.
I also like the lightness that you can read in the text and the enthusiasm with which the children go about their work. They are determined to save the world from the two brothers. I really like the way you set this up and how it still seems serious and funny at the same time. I can't really say which track is the right one from either literary direction, but the fact that you've gone down both roads is a big plus in this one. If the story was too serious, you wouldn't be able to take it seriously as a reader, and if it was too humorous, you wouldn't have found it funny as a reader and the plot would be too strict with the actual meaning. But you have your good mixture, which is spreading here and makes me eager like a sore thumb every time to see what will happen next. I am really, really motivated and curious to see how the confrontation between the two parties will take place (and where!).
Let´s jump into the act:
SEBASTIAN
Well we should probably start with geting in for now. I here these types of places have super high survalence systems but I bet we'll be fine!
Yeah, I think too, that they will be fine. I really love this naiveté and determination.
Just a little typo here in the second sentence: I has to be “I hear” instead of “I here”Or else we might get overcooked like the jellybeans did in Fun and Jellybeans season three, episode six.
That Sebastian even knows from which episode he knows this is astonishing.
Yup! I've learned all my life lessons from Fun and Jellybeans. (smiles proudly)
I really want to watch this TV Show and see which life lessons I can learn.
I like that this series is still spoken of in the script, which gives the whole text a certain continuity.KID 3
(rubs hands together and cackles like a mad scientist) Those villains won't stand a chance!
SEBASTIAN (To KID 2)
Glitter!
KID 2
On it! (produces a stash of glitter from his backpack)
SEBASTIAN (To KID 1)
Soap!
Just like a real operation. I enjoyed this part of the chapter.
That they managed to modify the weapons as children is really fabulous. Of course, it would have been easier if they had just borrowed some water pistols from a toy shop, but I much prefer this idea and how they prepare to go into battle.
There was nothing wrong here. Furthermore, you have proven that you are good at anchoring humour and seriousness in the plot, thus moving the story forward.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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