Setting: Outside the gates of a Military Camp
SEBASTIAN
We're here!
KID 1
Cool! So, where do we start?
SEBASTIAN
Well we should probably start with geting in for now. I hear these types of places have super high survalence systems but I bet we'll be fine!
KID 2
Okay! Besides, the adults here are probably too busy being cookie-crazy that they won't even be paying attention to us!
SEBASTIAN
Exaclty! (Peers up at the gianormous electric fence) I- don't think we should climb that. Or else we might get overcooked like the jellybeans did in Fun and Jellybeans season three, episode six. And if there is one thing I know, it's that Fun and Jellybeans is NEVER wrong!
KID 3
(nods enthusiastically) Yup! I've learned all my life lessons from Fun and Jellybeans. (smiles proudly)
KID 4
(glances worriedly at KID 3) ...Okay... Anyways, if we're not going to climb over, then what do we do?
SEBASTIAN
I have an idea! (Walks over to the door and opens it) Yes! It worked! (Jumps up and down in excitment)
KID 1
Wow! Those adults must be seriously affected by the sugar for it to be that easy. But I'm not complaining!
SEBASTIAN
Yep! Now lets head inside and modify the weapons!
KID 5
Whoo-hoo! (skips through the door)
(A couple of minutes later they found the armory)
SEBASTIAN
Bingo! Now it's time to modify them!
KID 3
(rubs hands together and cackles like a mad scientist) Those villains won't stand a chance!
SEBASTIAN (To KID 2)
Glitter!
KID 2
On it! (produces a stash of glitter from his backpack)
SEBASTIAN (To KID 1)
Soap!
KID 1
Yippee! (Starts taking out bars of soap from her backpack) By the time I'm done, those'll be the slipperiest soap guns ever!
SEBASTIAN
Perfect!
SEBASTIAN (To KID 4)
Food!
KID 4
Ah- yup! (Opens his backpack and takes out a half-eaten apple, some crackers, and a sandwich with a bite taken out of it) Uh... hehe... No idea what happened... (looks away and scratches his head)
SEBASTIAN
Hmmmm... (Scratches head in suspiction) (Begins to smile) I totally belive you!
SEBASTIAN (To KID 3)
Sandwich!
KID 3
(clutching her sandwich tighter) B-but you already have enough food for the food guns!
SEBASTIAN
Oh it's not for the food guns. It's for my tummy! It's like my grandpa always says! You can't work on an empty stomach! And you have two anyways!
KID 3
(pouts) Fine...
SEBASTIAN
Thank you!
(After hours and hours of hard work all of the weapons were finally finished)
SEBASTIAN
And we're done! Good job everyone! (Smiles happily)
KID 1
Awesome! (looks at the weapons again) Hmm, but I think these need... a little more color. Who's with me?
KID 5
Ooh, I am! (grins excitedly) And I know the perfect solution...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,
Mailice back with another review!
I like how the two chapters differ in contrast. Maybe I underestimate Vex and Surge a bit or Sebastian and the others overestimate them. I'm curious to see what happens next.
I liked the insight you got as a reader and how the chapter was structured. Above all, it felt like some kind of operation as they worked on modifying the weapons.
I also like the lightness that you can read in the text and the enthusiasm with which the children go about their work. They are determined to save the world from the two brothers. I really like the way you set this up and how it still seems serious and funny at the same time. I can't really say which track is the right one from either literary direction, but the fact that you've gone down both roads is a big plus in this one. If the story was too serious, you wouldn't be able to take it seriously as a reader, and if it was too humorous, you wouldn't have found it funny as a reader and the plot would be too strict with the actual meaning. But you have your good mixture, which is spreading here and makes me eager like a sore thumb every time to see what will happen next. I am really, really motivated and curious to see how the confrontation between the two parties will take place (and where!).
Let´s jump into the act:
Yeah, I think too, that they will be fine. I really love this naiveté and determination.
That Sebastian even knows from which episode he knows this is astonishing.
I really want to watch this TV Show and see which life lessons I can learn.
Just like a real operation. I enjoyed this part of the chapter.
That they managed to modify the weapons as children is really fabulous. Of course, it would have been easier if they had just borrowed some water pistols from a toy shop, but I much prefer this idea and how they prepare to go into battle.
There was nothing wrong here. Furthermore, you have proven that you are good at anchoring humour and seriousness in the plot, thus moving the story forward.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Thank you so much for the review! I'll fix that typo right now! Thanks for catching it!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Greetings!! I hath returned to bestow a review upon thee!!
First Impression: Well, this act was pretty much everything that I expected it to be...and well, I can't wait to see these weapons once they're properly colorful enough to be used in a war.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Woohoo...time to rig up some of them jellybean canons...I can already tell this is going to be an awesome chapter.
Yeah, of course they'll have no problems...those surveillance systems are overrated anyway...
And there's that too...no one will be able to actually stop them, even if they tried.
Certainly a very important life lesson that they've learnt there. Not even jellybeans will save you from climbing on top of an active electric fence.
Hmm...good question...they've gotta find the door I suppose...and I'm sure picking the lock will be a piece of cake, either that or the adults inside will just open it for them and welcome them inside.
Orr...that could happen...xD...the door just happens to be completely unlocked....those evil cookies are certainly quite a powerful weapon.
Ahh just a bunch of kids skipping their way into a military base and looking for the armory, just like a regular old Tuesday...ahh..well i can't wait too see what all these modifications are going to end up looking like.
Oh they most certainly won't, not when they're fighting with weapons as powerful as the mighty glitter guns....they truly are the bane of many a washing machine.
And of course they're starting off with the glitter guns...these kids certainly know to begin with the deadliest of the weapons.
Hmm...to be honest, I've never been shot with soap...
yes I have been shot with all the other projectiles...don't ask when or why...and so I don't know how effective it might be, but well, I can only imagine how crazy things might get.Hmm...now the deadliness of this depends solely on what food they manage to choose.
Of course, random bites get taken out of delicious foods all the time, its an ongoing unsolved mystery that I don't think anyone will ever fully solve.
Of course...he must believe him...its certainly true...
Uh oh...sandwich troubles....
Hmm...well that was resolved without too much of an issue, and also looks some very smart advice by the grandpa there.
The weapons of mass destruction are finished...woo
Oooh...yes the black only design of most guns is certainly not fun enough to be fighting in a war with, we need rainbow guns, in every color that they produce jellybeans...cause of course...this is team jellybeans...xD
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Another awesome act comes to an end...and so...I begin my wait for more once more...well...that sentence came out weirder than anticipated. Anyway...that's all I've gotta say here
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for the review! I enjoyed reading it!
You're Welcome!!
Glad you enjoyed it!!
Here are all of the previous acts!
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3
(A Totally Not Evil) BakeSale, Act 4
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 5
(A Totally Not Evil) BakeSale, Act 6
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 7
(A Totally Not Evil) Bake-Sale, Act 8
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 9
(A Totally Not Evil) Bake-Sale, Act 10
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 11