Young Writers Society

hello, foxmaster here for a review!
ooooh I am liking this so far, the plot idea is pretty good, and the characters seem like very likeable villains, I am already wondering where this is going....

VEX

(strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...

SURGE

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also give out each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to eat them!

Just from the get-go, I can tell this entire story is going to be so fun. I’m an absolute sucker for silly, nonsensical villains, and I think you absolutely NAILED the execution of the concept. It was such an entertaining little read and I’ll try my hardest to read the rest of them once I have the time. It’s just so fun.

I’m pretty sure there were no grammatical or spelling errors throughout, and the whimsical tone of things adds to the character of the brothers. I enjoyed how well you characterized the two brothers and their relationship in such a short amount of time. I have a great mental image of both. However, a proper noun like “White House” should be capitalized. That is the only error I could spot, though. Other than that, I think both the concept and execution of this piece are FANTASTIC and I am so excited to read more. :]

Heya, Rubes here with a short review.

1st of all, this is a great piece. I can visualize this being performed on stage thanks to the clear dialogue as well as stage directions. This script is also not too difficult and complex: it is both easy and simple to understand. This would mean that readers can imagine this being actually said, even if they don't come into much contact with scripts and playwrights.


"I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach.We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip."


This part is really clear to me what is happening ; the ellipsis tells the reader/actor to pause when reading, to create more suspense. The word choice is great as well!

There isn't really anything to criticize as you have such a continuation to this and there ain't much you could do to improve this, in all honesty!

Overall this is a great bit of work, well done for writing this as well as the other parts, I can tell that you have great joy in producing these scripts!

Good luck and stay safe,
Rubes x

All I could think about while reading this is how this reminds me of that Amazing world of Gumball scene where they are discussing how evil they are. It gives me that type of energy which I enjoy and added to it's comedic affect. Formatting tiny bit confusing but the humor still stands.

This made me laugh SO hard! I could only DREAM of being this funny!! I got a kick out of this play, and it entertained me all the way through! Now THAT'S an impressive feat, considering I get bored every .4 seconds. I think this is my favorite play now! If anybody ever asks me if I have a favorite play, my answer is going to be A Totally Not Evil Bakesale haha. I feel like this is something my irl friends and I would write!!

My enjoyment aside, this was actually written EXTREMELY well!! I don't know if this is just because I don't really write plays so I don't know how they're really formatted, but I really enjoyed the actions the characters did while they were speaking! It added an extra touch of humor and gave my imagination a little boost to imagine the characters. By the way, I LOVE these characters! They're hilarious, and they're my new heroes!!

I'm absolutely obsessed with this whole thing, but if I had to choose a favorite part it would probably be when they say that they can see the pink of the cauldron coming through because they stole it from a toy store. That is the funniest thing I have EVER heard!!!

I'm going to wrap this up by saying that you definitely need to keep writing this! Once I get some free time I'm going to check out the other parts, and I wanted to say KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!

(P.S.-I'm totally going to steal their plan and use it in real life to take over the world😂)

This is SUCH a funny piece! I feel like a lot of works on YWS are there to explain hard things, or troubles going on in the world, so this is a nice change. It was delightfully playful and I love all the skepticism in the... Aliens? that leads to my only question what are they? are they aliens? I think so, because the creatures always refer to our race as "humans". Anyway you are a fantastic writer and I love your touch of sarcastic humor. keep writing!
your friend
Emivanz

Hello. Here for a review. Actually, I wanted to review act 2 but before that I decided to check it out.
I am gonna comment on each paragraph.

Mwah hah ha! Those silly humans will never see it coming. (rubs hands, stirs a large, spiky cauldron) Brother, your idea is genius! We shall bake these super sugary sugar cookies and those humans, being the fools they are, will surely eat them. And then we'll be able to take over the world! Mwah ha hah ha! (continues cackling with delight)

Yes, yes! They won't see it coming! They will be so hung over on sugar they won't care what we do! (Begins to cackle in excitment) We simply need to find a way to plant these cookies into about fivety percent of the population in each state! Vex! Have any ideas?

strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also sell each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to buy them!

salutes) Yes sir! The minions have printed all the banners and stolen enough tables for all the bake sales! Now all that's left is to conquer America! (laughs evilly)

I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach. We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip.

Hi Spearmint and MapleWay!

Mailice here with a short review!

A very funny, and imaginative play. It has a very unusual aura. It has enough humour to be funny, but not too much that it can't be taken seriously in a way.

I like reading scripts because you can often sense the personalities of the characters during them and sometimes it's better to write a story that way. I think you both did that very well.

I just like how Vex starts with his laugh and how he rubs his hands. It seems so classically diabolically endearing. The two of them seem all the more likeable to me because you can't really guess what kind of creatures they are yet. That's why I find it funny and also very well described by you, how you portray the bake sale.

I can't say much about the structure that I didn't like. Only here, I would change something a little bit:

FINALLY! The preparations are complete! (Smiles grimly in excitement) We have successfully baked all of the cookies needed. (He looked at the hundreds of semi-trucks filled to the brim with the sugar filled cookies. Each and every one colored in pinks and blues). Now all we need to do is go over the game plan! Vex! Are all two hundred cookie bake sales ready?

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKay...I don't usually review too much in the way of scripts but lemme take a quick crack at this. This was quite funny and it has a bit of cartoonishness running through the whole thing. That's a fun little touch I think...anyway let's get into more detail.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Setting: A dark, forbidding tower hidden in an abandoned mall

Mwah hah ha! Those silly humans will never see it coming. (rubs hands, stirs a large, spiky cauldron) Brother, your idea is genius! We shall bake these super sugary sugar cookies and those humans, being the fools they are, will surely eat them. And then we'll be able to take over the world! Mwah ha hah ha! (continues cackling with delight)

Yes, yes! They won't see it coming! They will be so hung over on sugar they won't care what we do! (Begins to cackle in excitment) We simply need to find a way to plant these cookies into about fivety percent of the population in each state! Vex! Have any ideas

(strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also sell each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to buy them!

(grins at Surge) Yes, that sounds absolutely perfect! No one can resist free cookies! (rubs hands together) Now our plans are nearly complete... but this cauldronful of cookie batter isn't going to bake itself. Minions! Come here and finish up these cookies. And, eh, give the cauldron a new coat of paint while you're at it. The dreadful pink is starting to show. (mutters) We never should've stolen from a toy store. (raises voice) Anyways, minions, to work!

FINALLY! The preparations are complete! (Smiles grimly in excitement) We have successfully baked all of the cookies needed. (He looked at the hundreds of semi-trucks filled to the brim with the sugar filled cookies. Each and every one colored in pinks and blues.) Now all we need to do is go over the game plan! Vex! Are all two hundred cookie bake sales ready?

(salutes) Yes sir! The minions have printed all the banners and stolen enough tables for all the bake sales! Now all that's left is to conquer America! (laughs evilly)

I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach. We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip.

Bleh, the man has no taste. (grimaces) But anyways, Surge, that is an excellently evil idea! You were always the genius. (claps his brother on the back) And perhaps once we have control of the president, we can convince the entire country to eat our cookies!

Very true! But anyways it is time to execute it! MINIONS! We're heading to the white house!

Here are all of our other acts! :D

(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 4
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 5
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 6
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 7
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 8