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(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1

by Spearmint, MapleWay


Setting: A dark, forbidding tower hidden in an abandoned mall

VEXICAL (VEX) LIBURTIGIBBEN

Mwah hah ha! Those silly humans will never see it coming. (rubs hands, stirs a large, spiky cauldron) Brother, your idea is genius! We shall bake these super sugary sugar cookies and those humans, being the fools they are, will surely eat them. And then we'll be able to take over the world! Mwah ha hah ha! (continues cackling with delight)

SURGE LIBURTIGIBBEN

Yes, yes! They won't see it coming! They will be so hung over on sugar they won't care what we do! (Begins to cackle in excitment) We simply need to find a way to plant these cookies into about fivety percent of the population in each state! Vex! Have any ideas?

VEX

(strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...

SURGE

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also sell each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to buy them!

VEX

(grins at Surge) Yes, that sounds absolutely perfect! No one can resist free cookies! (rubs hands together) Now our plans are nearly complete... but this cauldronful of cookie batter isn't going to bake itself. Minions! Come here and finish up these cookies. And, eh, give the cauldron a new coat of paint while you're at it. The dreadful pink is starting to show. (mutters) We never should've stolen from a toy store. (raises voice) Anyways, minions, to work!

A few weeks later...

SURGE

FINALLY! The preparations are complete! (Smiles grimly in excitement) We have successfully baked all of the cookies needed. (He looked at the hundreds of semi-trucks filled to the brim with the sugar filled cookies. Each and every one colored in pinks and blues.) Now all we need to do is go over the game plan! Vex! Are all two hundred cookie bake sales ready?

VEX

(salutes) Yes sir! The minions have printed all the banners and stolen enough tables for all the bake sales! Now all that's left is to conquer America! (laughs evilly)

SURGE

Great! Have you found out where the president currently is so we can give him this, special cookie?

VEX

(nods) Yes, I believe he's in the White House right now. But what does the special cookie do?

SURGE

I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach. We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip.

VEX

Bleh, the man has no taste. (grimaces) But anyways, Surge, that is an excellently evil idea! You were always the genius. (claps his brother on the back) And perhaps once we have control of the president, we can convince the entire country to eat our cookies!

SURGE

Very true! But anyways it is time to execute it! MINIONS! We're heading to the white house!


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Wed Apr 07, 2021 4:24 am
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WishIHadASword wrote a review...



This made me laugh SO hard! I could only DREAM of being this funny!! I got a kick out of this play, and it entertained me all the way through! Now THAT'S an impressive feat, considering I get bored every .4 seconds. I think this is my favorite play now! If anybody ever asks me if I have a favorite play, my answer is going to be A Totally Not Evil Bakesale haha. I feel like this is something my irl friends and I would write!!

My enjoyment aside, this was actually written EXTREMELY well!! I don't know if this is just because I don't really write plays so I don't know how they're really formatted, but I really enjoyed the actions the characters did while they were speaking! It added an extra touch of humor and gave my imagination a little boost to imagine the characters. By the way, I LOVE these characters! They're hilarious, and they're my new heroes!!

I'm absolutely obsessed with this whole thing, but if I had to choose a favorite part it would probably be when they say that they can see the pink of the cauldron coming through because they stole it from a toy store. That is the funniest thing I have EVER heard!!!

I'm going to wrap this up by saying that you definitely need to keep writing this! Once I get some free time I'm going to check out the other parts, and I wanted to say KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!

(P.S.-I'm totally going to steal their plan and use it in real life to take over the world😂)




Spearmint says...


Ahh thanks so much for the review and encouragement!! ^-^ @MapleWay and I are definitely going to keep up the awesome work, and I'm super glad this made you laugh!!
If anybody ever asks me if I have a favorite play, my answer is going to be A Totally Not Evil Bakesale haha.

Aww haha thank you, that means a ton!! :DDD

...when they say that they can see the pink of the cauldron...

Yay I'm so happy you found that funny! XD Thanks again for the review!!
(P.S. Haha guess I'd better be on the lookout for some suspicious bakesales!! XDD)



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Wed Mar 31, 2021 3:15 am
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Emivanz1 wrote a review...



This is SUCH a funny piece! I feel like a lot of works on YWS are there to explain hard things, or troubles going on in the world, so this is a nice change. It was delightfully playful and I love all the skepticism in the... Aliens? that leads to my only question what are they? are they aliens? I think so, because the creatures always refer to our race as "humans". Anyway you are a fantastic writer and I love your touch of sarcastic humor. keep writing!
your friend
Emivanz




Spearmint says...


Thanks for the kind review, Emivanz! And haha yeah, we probably should describe Vex and Surge more, good point. C: @MapleWay and I are working hard on the next acts! ^-^



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Wed Mar 24, 2021 6:19 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello. Here for a review. Actually, I wanted to review act 2 but before that I decided to check it out.
I am gonna comment on each paragraph.

Mwah hah ha! Those silly humans will never see it coming. (rubs hands, stirs a large, spiky cauldron) Brother, your idea is genius! We shall bake these super sugary sugar cookies and those humans, being the fools they are, will surely eat them. And then we'll be able to take over the world! Mwah ha hah ha! (continues cackling with delight)

This is quite an impressive start. Enough to hook the readers. And who are they basically? I guess they aren't humans! Seems suspicious.

Yes, yes! They won't see it coming! They will be so hung over on sugar they won't care what we do! (Begins to cackle in excitment) We simply need to find a way to plant these cookies into about fivety percent of the population in each state! Vex! Have any ideas?

Quite interesting. What will they don't see coming? And yes, there are two spelling mistakes. One is excitement– the e is missing. And the other is fifty– it's written fivety.

strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...

Heard from their newspaper things? How can one hear from newspaper? Then, instead of ridiculous, is what I think, you could write Ridiculous! I think!

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also sell each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to buy them!

Grammatical mistake– the idea is marvellous. And why will they sell each cookie for free!!!????

salutes) Yes sir! The minions have printed all the banners and stolen enough tables for all the bake sales! Now all that's left is to conquer America! (laughs evilly)

They are going to conquer America!!!!! STOP. DON'T CONQUER.

I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach. We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip.

Hmm. So funny. Full of fantasy and imagination.

Overall, it was extremely good. Can't wait to read the next part but unfortunately I don't have much time right now. You and @MapleWay did a great job. Keep writing.




Spearmint says...


Hi ForeverYoung! Thanks for the review!
Seems suspicious.

Ahaha yes, definitely suspicious. XD

One is excitement%u2013 the e is missing. And the other is fifty%u2013 it's written fivety.

Oh nice catch here, thanks!

So funny. Full of fantasy and imagination.

Ah I'm glad you think so! @MapleWay and I are working on the third act right now C: Once again, thank you for the review and I hope you have a great day/night! ^-^





No problem. Glad that I could help



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Fri Mar 19, 2021 7:17 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Spearmint and MapleWay!

Mailice here with a short review!

A very funny, and imaginative play. It has a very unusual aura. It has enough humour to be funny, but not too much that it can't be taken seriously in a way.

I like reading scripts because you can often sense the personalities of the characters during them and sometimes it's better to write a story that way. I think you both did that very well.

I just like how Vex starts with his laugh and how he rubs his hands. It seems so classically diabolically endearing. The two of them seem all the more likeable to me because you can't really guess what kind of creatures they are yet. That's why I find it funny and also very well described by you, how you portray the bake sale.

I can't say much about the structure that I didn't like. Only here, I would change something a little bit:

FINALLY! The preparations are complete! (Smiles grimly in excitement) We have successfully baked all of the cookies needed. (He looked at the hundreds of semi-trucks filled to the brim with the sugar filled cookies. Each and every one colored in pinks and blues). Now all we need to do is go over the game plan! Vex! Are all two hundred cookie bake sales ready?


Since more than half of this section is a description, I would separate the sentences from Surge. Even though it seems like Surge is talking three times in a row, it gives the reader a little pause to imagine the semi-trucks better.

I'm not familiar with the rules in English-language scripts, but perhaps the descriptions in brackets could be emphasised somehow (written in bold or italics). But I think that's a matter of taste! :D Also, I can't get rid of the thought of imagining Vex and Surge like two characters from a puppet theatre, presenting their baking plans in front of a running audience, much to their displeasure. :D

A very great collaboration!

A cookie for me please! :D

Mailice.




Spearmint says...


Hi Mailice, thanks for all the helpful comments here! You're doing awesome with your thoughtful and kind reviews, and I really appreciated reading your thoughts on our script! ^-^

It has enough humour to be funny, but not too much that it can't be taken seriously in a way.

Ahhh yay that's great! I'm so glad you found it funny, but not completely frivolous! c:

It seems so classically diabolically endearing.

And ooh "diabolically endearing" is such a beautiful description :>

Since more than half of this section is a description, I would separate the sentences from Surge. Even though it seems like Surge is talking three times in a row, it gives the reader a little pause to imagine the semi-trucks better.

Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for the suggestion! :]

A cookie for me please! :D

Haha yes definitely!! You deserve an entire platter of (non-evil) cookies for this awesome review! Thank you!! :D



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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKay...I don't usually review too much in the way of scripts but lemme take a quick crack at this. This was quite funny and it has a bit of cartoonishness running through the whole thing. That's a fun little touch I think...anyway let's get into more detail.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Setting: A dark, forbidding tower hidden in an abandoned mall


OOooh...nice spooky little setting, loving that so far...

Mwah hah ha! Those silly humans will never see it coming. (rubs hands, stirs a large, spiky cauldron) Brother, your idea is genius! We shall bake these super sugary sugar cookies and those humans, being the fools they are, will surely eat them. And then we'll be able to take over the world! Mwah ha hah ha! (continues cackling with delight)


Sounds terribly cartoonish there but if that was the whole effect you were going for...well good job...if not...well whoops it became a little cartoonish. Let's investigate further then...

Yes, yes! They won't see it coming! They will be so hung over on sugar they won't care what we do! (Begins to cackle in excitment) We simply need to find a way to plant these cookies into about fivety percent of the population in each state! Vex! Have any ideas


Okay...evil plan in development I see...well this sounds highly amusing so far...which bodes well for this little script so let's see how it goes.

(strokes chin thoughtfully) I believe humans have these strange events called... bake sales. From the little I've heard from their "newspaper" things, some of the humans make food and the others line up to buy it. Ridiculous, is what I think! Why wait in line when you can just send your evil minions to steal everything before the bake sale starts? (sniffs haughtily) But, Surge, I believe they may be an effective way to get the humans to eat our cookies...


Hmm...that actually sounds fairly logical...that seems to be done quite well, not the most cartoonish of directions to take there....anyway....I'll stop referring to that now...

BAKE SALES? What a silly name! But still... The ideas is marvelous! (Cackles insanely) But what should we call it? Hmmmmm. How about... A Totally Not Evil Bakesale! Oh yes it's perfect! People are so gullible that they will believe us without a doubt! But I feel our looks could use a little work. (Looks down at their current evil outfits) Minions! I need you to make two frie- frie- friendly looking suits. (Shivers in disgust) I know it's disgusting but it's the only way! We should also sell each cookie for free! This way each and every human will have no choice but to buy them!


Oh dear...free cookies...yup humanity is 100% doomed isn't it?

(grins at Surge) Yes, that sounds absolutely perfect! No one can resist free cookies! (rubs hands together) Now our plans are nearly complete... but this cauldronful of cookie batter isn't going to bake itself. Minions! Come here and finish up these cookies. And, eh, give the cauldron a new coat of paint while you're at it. The dreadful pink is starting to show. (mutters) We never should've stolen from a toy store. (raises voice) Anyways, minions, to work!


Oh yes...a pink cauldron is the best vessel to use for evil plans...I am loving that already

FINALLY! The preparations are complete! (Smiles grimly in excitement) We have successfully baked all of the cookies needed. (He looked at the hundreds of semi-trucks filled to the brim with the sugar filled cookies. Each and every one colored in pinks and blues.) Now all we need to do is go over the game plan! Vex! Are all two hundred cookie bake sales ready?


That is a lot of cookies....

(salutes) Yes sir! The minions have printed all the banners and stolen enough tables for all the bake sales! Now all that's left is to conquer America! (laughs evilly)


Here we go!!

I'm glad you asked! Well this specific cookie is a bit... Technical! Basically after he eats it a little technological bug will be placed into his stomach. We will then be able to control his movements and words! (Cackles with insanity) I've even dug around to find out his absolute favorite cookie! If you are wondering he is a simple man. It's chocolate chip.


Little bit of rather obvious talking for the benefit of the audience but no harm done...I mean its not terrible and it does help to know this but its a little cringy just how obvious it is that its for the benefit of the audience. You should try to be a little bit more subtle here.

Bleh, the man has no taste. (grimaces) But anyways, Surge, that is an excellently evil idea! You were always the genius. (claps his brother on the back) And perhaps once we have control of the president, we can convince the entire country to eat our cookies!


That might actually not work out quite as well as the free cookies plan.

Very true! But anyways it is time to execute it! MINIONS! We're heading to the white house!


Lovely exit there...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was quite fun to read. It has a couple of minor issues but for the most part its really well done. Anyway that's all I gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Spearmint says...


Hi Harry, thanks for the review! I'm glad you thought our script was pretty funny; your review was fun to read too! ^-^

Oh dear...free cookies...yup humanity is 100% doomed isn't it?

Lol indeed, humanity is most definitely doomed... XDD (or is it? :eyes:)

Oh yes...a pink cauldron is the best vessel to use for evil plans...

Haha of course, pink can be quite a vile color if you haven't noticed! Although I suppose Vex isn't too fond of it... :p

Little bit of rather obvious talking for the benefit of the audience but no harm done...

Oh yeah, we'll work on that, thanks for pointing it out! c:

Once again, thanks for the review, and you stay safe too! :D



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Spearmint says...



Act 2 is here :D





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