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"Help! My Heads Stuck in the Clouds!"

by Horisun


Mrs. Q loved her job. Anyone could see that teaching was her passion, and she loved passing that love to her students.

She didn't believe that any students head was truly empty. She saw something in everyone. That's what made her a great teacher.

The only problem with her logic was that some students, while their brains were far from empty, their attentions were not on the history of the Cauliflower King, or whatever they were learning.

I forgot. 

See, I'm one of those students, I want to focus, I really do, but, for example, I wanted to use some sticky notes to write down what the teacher was saying, but I realized I didn't have any, so I started thinking about how I'd have to remember to bring sticky notes to school tomorrow. Then I started to consider asking the person next to me if they had any, but Mrs. Q didn't like people talking in her class, even if they were asking someone for something, so I probably shouldn't do that. I thought I could just use my paper, except I my notebook in my locker. So maybe I simply shouldn't take notes? That wouldn't do, I'm so forgetful, and-

"Eve, what did George Washington cross on Christmas, during the American Revolution?" Mrs. Q had said, giving me the most piercing stare.

I didn't know, so I stared back at her for a moment, than said, "He crossed the line!"

Everyone laughed, and it was fine. I started thinking about how lucky I was, and then I wondered if thinking that you were lucky would make you more lucky, because you'd get more excited when lucky things did happen. But then again, I thought, when something bad happen, wouldn't I notice it more, and start feeling unlucky? So superstition is more complicated than I thought. So then I wondered...

What the Fruitcake the teacher was talking about.


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26 Reviews


Points: 256
Reviews: 26

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Sun Jul 28, 2019 8:44 pm
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DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...



Heyy, I’m here with a review! Honestly, for some reason I think you’d make an amazing kids author.

This story flowed pretty well, despite the few run on sentences. You captured the feeling of getting distracted easily fantastically! I don’t think the title was very good though, it should’ve been something more eye catching. Also, there was one or two grammatical errors I found while reading this. It didn’t effect the story much though.

Aside from that, this is not a bad story at all! Not anyone can establish thoughts, imagery, and dialogue so effectively c:
So I guess what I’m saying is you crushed it!! :2

Always keep writing short stories :>

-Daria




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364 Reviews


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Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:25 pm
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Dreamy wrote a review...



Hey, Horisun!

Let's get the review started. So I read in your description that this was written based on a prompt which was an interesting prompt, I liked how clever and simple and apt this short story was. One thing though, the title should be "Help! My Head is Stuck in the Clouds!"

As I said, this was a clever take, students often have their heads in the clouds and I liked how you've depicted it with this Eve character. She did sound confused at the beginning which perfectly states the state of her mind. Let me give you an example of what I mean:

Mrs. Q loved her job. Anyone could see that teaching was her passion, and she loved passing that love to her students.


When you say Mrs. Q loved to pass that love to her students, did you mean that she loves for all her students to become a teacher as well? Because it's one thing to say that she loves her job so she's lovely to the students but another to say she loved her job and she passed her love.

I thought I could just use my paper, except I my notebook in my locker.


... except my notebook is in my locker"

Is Eve really in a class without her notebooks, man, she has really got her head in the clouds. Haha.

I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!

Cheers!




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Tue Jul 16, 2019 5:02 pm
Daughter wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm Daughter, here to leave you a review!
Let's jump right into it!

Mrs. Q loved her job. Anyone could see that teaching was her passion, and she loved passing that love to her students.

She didn't believe that any students head was truly empty. She saw something in everyone. That's what made her a great teacher.

I very much enjoyed this intro, as simple as it was. It wasn't too much or too little, and it introduced the character very well. Quite honestly, it reeled me in; I was intrigued on why I was being told this and what might get in the way of Mrs. Q's ideals. Very well done.
It also led very well into what was to come next, which would counter the character's beliefs; a student that did, indeed, feel very empty-headed. Or, rather, very full-headed.

See, I'm one of those students, I want to focus, I really do, but, for example, I wanted to use some sticky notes to write down what the teacher was saying, but I realized I didn't have any, so I started thinking about how I'd have to remember to bring sticky notes to school tomorrow. Then I started to consider asking the person next to me if they had any, but Mrs. Q didn't like people talking in her class, even if they were asking someone for something, so I probably shouldn't do that. I thought I could just use my paper, except I my notebook in my locker. So maybe I simply shouldn't take notes? That wouldn't do, I'm so forgetful, and-

This is a flawless insight to what goes on the brain of the average student. We've developed these sort of anxieties and rules in our heads that prevent us from thinking properly (with the help of technology) and leave our minds..well, a cluttered mess.
Or, as you put it, "stuck in the clouds".
I can very much relate to that sort of disorganization, and you did a brilliant job of portraying it. Well done.

I didn't know, so I stared back at her for a moment, than said, "He crossed the line!"

This was funny, and it made me smile. Eve seems like a typical class clown, and just a hint of that in this short story really helped me shape her character a little better. Tiny little sprinkles of detail can really help your work move along more smoothly.
I did find a slight technical issue, however, that I wanted to point out for you.
than said,

"Than" should instead be "Then".
In case you're confused, here's a quick grammar lesson!

The difference between "than" and "then"
1. Than is usually used when making some sort of comparison.
ex: "I like blue better than yellow!"
2. Then is used in a reference to time.
ex: "I did a lot of sports back then.

Everyone laughed, and it was fine. I started thinking about how lucky I was, and then I wondered if thinking that you were lucky would make you more lucky, because you'd get more excited when lucky things did happen. But then again, I thought, when something bad happen, wouldn't I notice it more, and start feeling unlucky? So superstition is more complicated than I thought. So then I wondered...
What the Fruitcake the teacher was talking about.

The repetition of the cluttered thoughts here is clever and I appreciated it. It does often repeat itself, doesn't it? The never-ending disorganization..
Anyway, you've done a very good job here! This was short and sweet, and extremely relatable.
Thank you for sharing!

Daughter




Horisun says...


:D Thanks for the review!




The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
— H. L. Mencken