Young Writers Society

Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. First of all, hats off to your creativity! And second of all, this was inspiring! Some people don't like on YWS how you have to write reviews to publish something but this is shows the good side of it: the more you review, the more weak Lord Nuh-UhSayer and his little alien army WriTerds Blockers. It is a little fantastical, a little realistic and that is what I look for in some books. Good job! Keep writing, I hope to hear more from you, Merry Christmas and have a great day!


Hannah

Hey!

I liked the idea of this story a lot!
I had a lot of fun trying to figure out the names of the the WriTerds Blockers, Lord Nuh-uhSayers and planet Whydoubleyous!

One thing I would say is that it's a bit choppy. I'm not sure if you meant it that way to make suspense, but just thought I'd let you know.

-Gnomish

Hi Horisun!

This was a cute little story that I enjoyed reading! I feel like a lot of the meat of this is good, so a lot of this review will be focused on more grammatical conventions than anything else. I liked the wordplay of "Lord Nuh-UhSayer" and "Castle Green Room" and the encouraging tone that goes throughout. Especially because as writers we all tend to think of the world in literary terms, this felt super like a note you might find in a fantasy story or the like, which I enjoyed. Let's dive into some more grammar and structure!

In your first paragraph, you use a lot of the same sentence structure, which can create a repetitive feeling for readers. I would suggest varying up sentence structure. Since this is such a short piece, it's not a big issue by any means, but a good thing to keep in mind.

"This might sound crazy, but you must believe me"

You could cut this down to "This might sound crazy, but believe me" to tighten it and add clarity (not that much clarity needs to be added here.)

"Their leader, Lord Nuh-UhSayer is raising an army"

Comma after "Lord Nuh-UhSayer" because his name is a clarifying separate clause.

"Lord Nuh-UhSayer has only one weakness. Reviews."

Since "reviews" is the answer to the leadup of the previous sentence, the sentences here can be merged, so it reads as "...one weakness: reviews."

"But when you forge the power of the reviews into a sword"

"the" in "power of the reviews" can be cut. I find that oftentimes, the less words, the easier it is for readers to understand.

"On it's own, reviewing stuff won't do much."

Here, "it's" should be "its" because "it's" shortens into "it is." Since "On it is own..." doesn't work, that apostrophe can be removed. I like the tone that "stuff" has, but it's so vague that it doesn't quite match the legendary tone you have going here.

"Good luck.You will need it."

Just put a space in between those two sentences and you're good to go!

Thanks for letting me read and review! It's been a while since I've reviewed on here, so this might be a bit rough. If you have any questions, let me know!
Anna (aka writervid)

Hello there Horisun. I am dropping by just to give you a little bit of feedback on this creation of yours :}

Since this is a rather short work even with this being labeled as a short story, I am going to be following the YWS Critique Sandwich - one paragraph with what I liked, one paragraph with what I think could be improved, and one paragraph with a summary of the work and my review.

First off, what I liked. I can appreciate the cute side of this little story - especially that it pertains so nicely to the actual YWS website. I also do like the excitement and the encouragement of wanting to clear through the Green Room that is currently stocked with quite a few works still inside the halls. I imagine the more simple vocabulary would also lend itself nicely in connecting with a young writer. ;]

Next, what I think could be improved on. I definitely think that since this is a spoof - of sorts - on either the YWS website itself or typical journey-stories and prophesy-based ideas, that this should be labeled as "satire." In addition, I think this should also be labeled simply as "other" instead of "short story" as it's very short to really have a beginning, middle, and ending. The titles of the characters are a little silly - "Nuh-uh" and spelling out "YWS" reads a little clunkily in the overall text.

Lastly, a nice little summary of this work and my review. Since this was a cute, silly little story parodying YWS actions and all that, I couldn't really go in-depth about what this could mean, in comparison to a more serious "prophesy of doom" topics some fantasy books embellish. Some of these elements do show up here but in a much softer connotation.

Until next time! ^^

I love this!! I'm almost tempted to actually try this aha.
It sounds fun and for the younger writers on this it might actually help them do reviews.
Good thinking!!
There are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes here and there, but other than that its a very fun short story