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Dear Young Writer

by Horisun

Dear Young Writer,

This might sound crazy, but you must believe me, the fate of the planet depends on you. YOU are the chosen one, destined to save our world. You were the writer, chosen to defeat our greatest threat yet, the alien army known as WriTerds Blockers. Their leader, Lord Nuh-UhSayer is raising an army to blow up our happy little planet known as Whydoubleyous. He has completed his weapon, and is soaring through the internet towards our planet as you read this. Depending on when this letter reaches you, you have a week, maybe less, to stop him. Lord Nuh-UhSayer has only one weakness. Reviews.

On it's own, reviewing stuff won't do much. But when you forge the power of the reviews into a sword, you can strike down Lord Nuh-UhSayer.

One review will weaken him.

Five reviews will knock him down.

And ten will stop him. 

Hurry, now. Rescue ten works from the Castle Green Room, march through the uncharted land of Storybooks, and climb to the top of Mount Spotlight. There, you will find a blacksmith who has the power to forge the sword.

Good luck.You will need it.


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107 Reviews

Points: 1690
Reviews: 107

Sun Aug 25, 2019 1:20 am
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Gnomish wrote a review...


I liked the idea of this story a lot!
I had a lot of fun trying to figure out the names of the the WriTerds Blockers, Lord Nuh-uhSayers and planet Whydoubleyous!

One thing I would say is that it's a bit choppy. I'm not sure if you meant it that way to make suspense, but just thought I'd let you know.


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44 Reviews

Points: 1590
Reviews: 44

Wed Aug 14, 2019 11:44 pm
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writervid wrote a review...

Hi Horisun!

This was a cute little story that I enjoyed reading! I feel like a lot of the meat of this is good, so a lot of this review will be focused on more grammatical conventions than anything else. I liked the wordplay of "Lord Nuh-UhSayer" and "Castle Green Room" and the encouraging tone that goes throughout. Especially because as writers we all tend to think of the world in literary terms, this felt super like a note you might find in a fantasy story or the like, which I enjoyed. Let's dive into some more grammar and structure!

In your first paragraph, you use a lot of the same sentence structure, which can create a repetitive feeling for readers. I would suggest varying up sentence structure. Since this is such a short piece, it's not a big issue by any means, but a good thing to keep in mind.

"This might sound crazy, but you must believe me"

You could cut this down to "This might sound crazy, but believe me" to tighten it and add clarity (not that much clarity needs to be added here.)

"Their leader, Lord Nuh-UhSayer is raising an army"

Comma after "Lord Nuh-UhSayer" because his name is a clarifying separate clause.

"Lord Nuh-UhSayer has only one weakness. Reviews."

Since "reviews" is the answer to the leadup of the previous sentence, the sentences here can be merged, so it reads as " weakness: reviews."

"But when you forge the power of the reviews into a sword"

"the" in "power of the reviews" can be cut. I find that oftentimes, the less words, the easier it is for readers to understand.

"On it's own, reviewing stuff won't do much."

Here, "it's" should be "its" because "it's" shortens into "it is." Since "On it is own..." doesn't work, that apostrophe can be removed. I like the tone that "stuff" has, but it's so vague that it doesn't quite match the legendary tone you have going here.

"Good luck.You will need it."

Just put a space in between those two sentences and you're good to go!

Thanks for letting me read and review! It's been a while since I've reviewed on here, so this might be a bit rough. If you have any questions, let me know!
Anna (aka writervid)

Horisun says...

Thank you for the review! Thanks for pointing that all out for me!

writervid says...

Of course! Happy to help!

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354 Reviews

Points: 29155
Reviews: 354

Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:38 pm
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EditorAndPerks wrote a review...

Hello there Horisun. I am dropping by just to give you a little bit of feedback on this creation of yours :}

Since this is a rather short work even with this being labeled as a short story, I am going to be following the YWS Critique Sandwich - one paragraph with what I liked, one paragraph with what I think could be improved, and one paragraph with a summary of the work and my review.

First off, what I liked. I can appreciate the cute side of this little story - especially that it pertains so nicely to the actual YWS website. I also do like the excitement and the encouragement of wanting to clear through the Green Room that is currently stocked with quite a few works still inside the halls. I imagine the more simple vocabulary would also lend itself nicely in connecting with a young writer. ;]

Next, what I think could be improved on. I definitely think that since this is a spoof - of sorts - on either the YWS website itself or typical journey-stories and prophesy-based ideas, that this should be labeled as "satire." In addition, I think this should also be labeled simply as "other" instead of "short story" as it's very short to really have a beginning, middle, and ending. The titles of the characters are a little silly - "Nuh-uh" and spelling out "YWS" reads a little clunkily in the overall text.

Lastly, a nice little summary of this work and my review. Since this was a cute, silly little story parodying YWS actions and all that, I couldn't really go in-depth about what this could mean, in comparison to a more serious "prophesy of doom" topics some fantasy books embellish. Some of these elements do show up here but in a much softer connotation.

Until next time! ^^

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12 Reviews

Points: 17
Reviews: 12

Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:12 am
saint1y says...

I love this!! I'm almost tempted to actually try this aha.
It sounds fun and for the younger writers on this it might actually help them do reviews.
Good thinking!!
There are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes here and there, but other than that its a very fun short story

Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
— James R. Cook