Behold, My One True Love:
Eyes, Brown,
As if she has a high concentration of melanin in the stroma of the iris, making light of both longer and shorter wave-lengths.
Look, The Only One I've Ever Loved:
Skin, Tan,
As if she spent a extended amount of time exposed to UV rays, resulting in darkening the the skin with a pigment known as melanin.
My Dear, My Love:
Hair, Yellow,
Primarily found in populations of northern European descent and is believed to have evolved to enable more efficient synthesis of vitamin D, due to northern Europe's lower levels of sunlight.
(Sources, Wikipedia)
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Canary word: Present
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well..this was a really interesting that I'd been wanting to review for a while now and with the checklist challenger, I'm taking my opportunity. As a big ol' nerd, this is very interesting stuff here, and not a concept I believe I've run into before.
Soo...well looks like we're starting off by talking off eye color here, and the science appears to check out, brown eyes is close to being really high in melatonin, its not as high as black, but its pretty high...and well, okay, so looks like this is describing the person's eyes to be..well...brown, but also perhaps indicating they're beautiful...good starting point there.
Hmm, well, and now we're describing the skin, nothing too wrong with that one either...melatonin is used to combat the old UV rays and make sure one does not get thy skin fried via the sun...so, fairly accurate there aand a nice continuation from the earlier talk of eyes.
Aaand we end on hair...I sense a pattern with the whole color thing there, although I love how we've got three super different reasons for those pigments arising..which is well a} some nice bonus facts but also seems to perhaps describe how this person finds this other person beautiful.
So..well, this was interesting, not something you run into often...and perhaps if one could stretch one's imagination this could work as a bit of a cross between a love poem and a vague informational short story...its a bit of a one of a kind...and I think I like it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This is a surprising piece! Thanks for sharing! I like the repetition and the structure you created with it. The way you finished it makes me laugh. It is scientific but romantic and that's a creative approach.
This was a pretty good poem/story, I like the repetition of the form with the top middle starting the next section, before some simply imagery is explained, and then explained with different facts in the following stanza of sorts. Also the general concept behind the poem/story is quite interesting and quite unique subject matter. Also the style of the poem/story works well with the form and content complimenting each other, the repeated groups almost feel like something from a dictionary which in my opinion adds to the tone and feeling of the poem/story. I really like stories and poems that do something a bit different.
Hi! This is the first time I have read a poem like this - science and a form of art together. I liked that you were straight to the point.
But I think you could cut down on a few words to sound more ~ p o e t i c ~ and extend some words to also sound the same. I am not clear behind the science so you can correct me. Eg:-
In the first two stanzas, you have kept it straight to the point. In the last stanza, the words you can cut down are: “due to northern europe’s lower levels of sunlight” Too long. Also in second stanza, you have added an extra ‘the’ in the line.
But it is fine if you want more facts in your poem!
Adding words, I think you should add similies or metaphors in front of describing skin,hair and eyes.
Anyway, these are just little details. Overall, I think you have a very creative idea here. Thanks
Thank you for the review!
why is your one true love a surfer girl
I don't really know how to review this lol.
In a bad way, or a good way? XD
good way I just don't know how to review this!