we’re the tomorrows page, clipped and pressed
and darkened still by the passing turns.
I think about her when I write -
the way she clung to seventeen years
and forgot only once how the pain doesn’t fade,
only once when the light flickers too close to the edge
of her paper skin, her inky heart.
I thought, ‘to be old is a tragedy still’
and she smiled because she knew.
we’re not so different, not so blind,
that the radiation hasn’t cupped her sunlight and made it night.
it doused her flames like a rolling tide
too swollen with grief, but more so with age
(with him, with chemicals, with cancer, with time).
I thought ‘what is light when you lose it’
and she cried because she knew that too.
we’re the tomorrows page, burdened with the thought
that our light is one that will not last.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,516 Reviews
it is a heart touching.....i appreciate the writer...and when your heart cries, your pen weave gold words on an empty paper...a kind of your relaxation but may become a lesson for some one else...
I love this poem! It really makes sense, and it ... HIT me. You know how some words manage to strike you until you feel like your heart's crying? Yeah, this was one of them. Words and pages are meant to be, and they carry the burden of the world on their shoulders; all that hope and hopelessness that drifts from our mind's blurry edges to our fingers, and then finally to our words. Every word of this poem haunts me, tears me up and then gives me hope again. This part especially:
is beautiful. At least, according to me it is.The repetition of "and she cried because she knew that too" really makes an effect on the reader.
The only thing I have to critique is that it seems sorta clumsy when you add "the" to "tomorrows." When it's just "tomorrow's," it gives a feeling of personification, that our tomorrows have character as well. I think removing the "the" would make the poem better. Also there should be an apostrophe when you say: "tomorrows."
Keep it up! Keep writing!
Cheers,
~Pompadour.
This is a riveting poem that carried a sad tune. Your word use was eloquent and the rhyming worked great. Like Ibounce said, "her paper skin, her inky heart" was my favorite part. It really communicated what you wanted to say about that character. I would say to do a little more editing; capitalize the beginning of new lines and maybe break up the stanzas into smaller ones. This would help the individual lines to "carry more weight", if you get what I mean. Overall, a great poem that could be made even better through some editing.
I like this a lot, the rhythm, the choice of words, it is all very beautiful. The part 'her paper skin, her inky heart' is my favorite. The third stanza takes a little while to make sense, and the second line of the third stanza is a bit lengthy, but other than that I really like it.