there’s a lump
in the pile of clothes on my bedroom floor
and a bump protruding out between the closet doors
like the clutch of a rock between your fingers -
and you curve your joints to match the smooth hard piece
readying for the toss that will smash his window in,
or that bottle of vodka and a cloth dampened in spirits,
ready to be lit and brandished; a flaming beacon
when you force your change on the world.
but this is conjecture, love
and the spot it grows is soiled from days of laying still.
it breaks its shell, leaving trails in bunched up trousers
or stained shirts all growing damp and worn thin
and I feel used; breached on each inhabited level,
held captive by my own drooping lids that sag
the way the sheets sag on my underused bed.
grow your bones strong,
thick and pearly, like ivory stalks which bend
under no certain change. you’re taller than your mother
and leave nothing behind when you forget this place.
but I will stay, a relic of empty coke cans and dead ambitions,
with a monster I’ve made of my own volition
leaving scorch marks on the hardwood
(a measure made on remaining still
and your own cocktail ready to blow)
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,021 Reviews
DREAMWALKER! 8D *tackles*
I haven't seen or spoken to you in ages! pfff *hands cookies*
Once again you've written an amazing piece of poetry and left me in awe of your awesome writing skills. You really have a way with words which pulls us right in.
I like how this poem really puts your brain to work. It is one of those poems you can keep reading over and over again and not get tired of it. It is a very deep poem and I love the imagery in it. This is one of the writes that will surely stay with me (and I'll keep on trying to understand more and more of it. I love it when a poem gives me that).
There is not really much to criticize on, but here are a few nitpicks:
- I think this read would look a lot better if you used capital first letters. I know you don't use capital first letters in all of your poems, so perhaps it's just your style (if it is, then just ignore this one =P), but I think it would look better with them. =)
- You forgot to place a period here:
That was it for the nitpicks! =) This is a great write and I really enjoyed reading this. ^^ My favorite part was this:
Especially that last sentence. ^^
Hope I was a bit helpful! *hugs and more cookies*
qaralynn
asdflhawefoihwef I don't understand, Dreamwalker, how you can consistently write such brilliant poetry; but you do. I'm extremely jealous...but that's beside the point! This is a very well-written poem, and while perhaps a little wordy at times it still retains a flowing rhythm that makes it roll right off your tongue. I was in love with it beginning to end, despite the fact that I had to try (and most likely fail) to decipher much of it. If nothing else, your poems always sound musical - even the parts I don't quite get. This is probably obvious, but I'm a fan of your poetry; it's leaps and bounds beyond many of the other writers here, and that is saying something.
Keep writing!