Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
tell me something I don’t know,
or maybe something grander.
(I sometimes think I could write it down,
everything you’d think I didn’t know you knew I knew.
or maybe you do know, which is why I can’t, so I wont)
truthfully, I’m bored with twining scripture
into languished honey-comb facets, all to thick
and sweet with bees wax; we’re still chewing
on gospel sonnets, sweet sugary phrases meant
to invoke fear with a smile.
(I can see you’re getting tired of my bullshit,
and I’m tired of yours, to be quite frank)
if there’s something you’d like to say
it’d be a crime to leave it buried under 100 sheets
of fuck you; lets just admit we’ve lost our marbles,
scattered underneath the couch just out of reach.
we’re a glass of coke too short of a summer’s evening
spitting tobacco at one another till we’re black with
tar and nicotine. burdened with reasons we
can’t justify.
(But if you’re here to clear things up,
I’d love a chance to drink it till I burst)
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140,137 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey, so I was casually stalking and decided to take a peak at some of your poetry, remembering that you'd been one of the better poets on this site. This piece didn't disappoint.
It feels clever and brooding, frustrated but not angsty. Your words connect with a subtle sense of rhythm that works to give it a bit of an edge. And the opening...I have such a soft spot for the beginning and end of a poem, and "tell me something I don't know/
or maybe something grander" had a lot of dry wit that I inexplicably adore. It was such a promising way to open up this poem.
The concept is great through and through. Your approach works well to evoke a strong sense of emotion and to grant the reader your opinion without it being overbearing. I don't even know how you so seamlessly managed to toss out "fuck you" and every snide little quip without sounding like a ranting teenager, but you did, and it works well.
This was a great piece. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx
Well this poem was delightfully refreshing. It's a great contrast from the flowery love poems and depressing melodramatic prose that is the majority of poetry. I could really feel the hatred oozing out of this piece. I loved the way it was formatted, and the punctuation seems good. The language is solid and the metaphors are amazing. The third stanza was truly breathtaking. This is a work of art!
OUTSTANDING! The language included in this poem is so tragically romantic! You clearly have a real knack for expressing your feelings!
I love this bit;
"I’m bored with twining scripture
into languished honey-comb facets, all to thick
and sweet with bees wax"
it's a beautiful part of the poem, incredibly clever.
Well done
Wow. Hatred city, Population: you.
I found this very intense, and read it about four or five times before even attempting to review it.
I found it kind of confusing, but in a good way. I felt like I was whisked up into a tornado of your emotions, thoughts and feelings. It was so raw. I loved it