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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
hey, it woz the most amazing thing i have ever read.I love the plot,its incredible.I have actually thought about it and decided......mmh i just lOve your work.
The flow and emotion of this poem is excellent. Great imagery throughout! The voice of your narrator is coming through crystal clear, and, although some reviewers have said that the lack of punctuation and capitalization distracts from the poem, I don't have any problem with it. The lack of capitalization and punctuation give the narrator's voice a meandering, apologetic sort of tone.
There were only a couple confusing places for me.
I'm not sure what "all things vivid" means. You don't have to change anything, it's probably just a problem with my understanding of the poem, but maybe clarify that line?
Throughout the whole poem, the voice of your narrator is clear, but these lines don't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe it's the lack of punctuation, or bad line breaks, or something like that. (Your line breaks act as a necessary form of punctuation in the poem.) These lines seem somewhat like nonsense to me, like the narrator is going crazy... was it your intent to be unclear and roundabout?
Maybe take out the word "but"? Maybe saying "but" would make sense to me if I understood the few lines above it, but right now the word seems unnecessary and confusing.
As skorlir already pointed out, "soliloquy's" should be "soliloquies."
But that is all I can nitpick in this poem! (And I usually have so much to critique, in everything. I'm kinda, er, long-winded.) Excellent, excellent poem! Definitely keep writing!
~ jessiethought ~
* soliloquies.
I was wondering if this would have to do with cell phones - and of course, it does. At first I read the title: "everything I touch, cracks like a screen." It still basically means the same thing. (Fragile, fragile screens.)
And it appears we have a necromancer among us. Ah well. Nice poem.
Hey Dream the poem is great and I only have one mistake to point out. "mashed up words pulled though a potato peeler", the "though" should be "through". Now for everything else your wording was great, and there was a nice flow.
I loved this so much. I like how the sentences are just as broken as the things you're describing. I love the idea that she hides the fact that she is breaking under layers of clothes. I just loved it. It's so haunting... I'd can't wait to read more of you writing!
Well Done!
This is great, and you should be proud.
There are a few words I do not undertstand, so I need to check a dictionary, but it's always good to use BIG words.
Make it more.. adulty.
Theres a lack of punctuation :
Full Stops,
Commas,
Capital letters, and there are also no things like ? and !
This always gives it expression, like if you were trying to make something sound exciting you'd do something like :
Come to our themepark, thre's an amazing half price sale!
Something like this.
But, don't let this stop you, I'm sure it won't and please,
WRITE MORE!
This is an amazing poem. I love how you incorporated your title into the poem itself, very clever.
This is very deep and brilliant. I'm sure many can relate to this (I know I sure can) The imagery in this is fantastic. The only thing that bugs me is capitalization!
I prefer to start with the negative and work my way up. The negative is that your lack of grammar distracts the reader from the poem itself. I know that there are technically no grammer rules in poetry (I capitalize the first letter of the first word of every new line), but you may want to at least capitalize your "i's" and ect. But apart from that, I loved the poem. It conveys both simplistic elements as well as more heavy ones. I think what you have here is raw talent that needs grammar. But the poem as a whole is quite good. Keep at it!