Young Writers Society

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

This is a really good poem because I feel it. Every emotion the narrator describes is in me. That takes a high level of poetic skill to pull off, so I must commend you for it. I don't know if this is based on a true story or not, but either way the realism of emotion is impressive, to say the least.

I didn't really like the rhyme in this piece, if I'm totally honest. It felt forced. Sometimes when a poet is so desperate to rhyme, they will do whatever they need to to rhyme. Occasionally it works, but most of the time it ends up crashing the whole poem. (I speak from experience. hehehehehe) I'm not saying to get rid of rhyming in the future, but consider if it makes sense. For a story trying to be deep and emotional (which this piece still was, by the way), rhyming is usually unnecessary. Just tell me the story. No need to add all of these rhymes.

Overall, though great poem. I hope that this short review can help you in at least one way the previous reviews didn't. Keep writing!

-Shey

Yo, Clarity!

I'm digging the narrative you present with this piece, and I appreciate that the rhymes didn't necessarily control the content put out, but rather were manipulated by the content itself. That's usually the opposite, and my biggest qualm with rhyming poetry.

So my biggest qualm IS? Inconsistent meter. The stanzas lend themselves to being self-contained because of their changing meter. Because of this, the flow suffers. My questions on the piece basically boil down to how much can be cut without removing core content. Some bits of the middle stanzas feel unnecessary, or rather that they need to be given more agency? More importance or something of nuance to the poem. I basically want to see each part of the poem have need to be here because it's such a lovely narrative of breaking free from an abusive relationship that you can certainly add more nuance and pull away with more gumption than we currently get.

Finally, there's a decent amount of character development here. Do you feel content with the emotion you present through her eyes? The way you paint both characters of import? Do you think some nuance into the relationship could benefit the piece?

I know this is short, but line-by-lines never particularly helped me. I hope this DOES help when editing.
Ty

Hey, crobbins here for a quick review!
(Sorry it's gonna be so short)!

First I just want to say how much this resonates with me. In such a short form, you were able to stir up so many emotion within me- wow! It was like a roller coaster, and I loved every minute of it! (I wish I could write like that, haha!)

Some of the lines I especially loved are:
"trust was sought
for smiles etched in sand
your deceitful beauty cut through
his haunting, gentle hand"
Everything here flows perfectly. I am in awe of your rhyming scheme, more specifically how natural you made it feel. I found the structure of this piece in the most part to be seamless.

Another part I LOVED was:
"and one day it took her too,
to become who she was before,
something he had stolen
and something he controlled no more."
In a poem that, for the most part, has a sorrowful and sad tone at the beginning, detailing heartbreak, it can be nice to see a happy ending. Instead of feeling sad when I finished reading it, I now feel hopeful!

One part I found to be a little "sticky" was:
her foolish sobs
screaming, you dare
Maybe I just wasn't understanding the last bit, but I just found it to break up the flow a little.

One last thing, I love your word choices! Some more complex words that you incorporate stop the reader, making them think through things, which in my opinion makes them resonate within the readers more. Love it!

I didn't find any spelling or grammar/formatting issues!

Overall I loved this piece! It's been a while since a piece of poetry has made me feel as much as this- and this one is so short! LOVE IT! Keep on writing, I'd love to read more of your work!

Happy Writing!
-crobbins
(And an extra thanks, this really made me calm down before my AP Psych National Exam, thanks SO MUCH IT HELPED ME A LOT!!!!! Really, it let me relax! Thanks!!)