A New Life

I think the second stanza does not really go with the rhyme scheme which makes it sound a bit odd when reading the poem. I just love poems with a positive feel about them and yours is so simple and positive. I am glad you kept it that way and avoided using too complex images. I certainly felt the inspiration. Again towards the ending rhyme scheme changes a bit but I don't want to cry about it simply because of the message that you want to convey. Some of the words in the poem can be replaced with other ones, but what the hell. Great poem. Cheers

Very interesting and I like the progression. But like any poem that relies on a fancy little narrative trick, this has problems, because you have to keep that trick up the whole time, and then at the end im like "well this was just a trick". Like that book Cloud Atlas, all trick, no trade. Anyway, there are spelling mistakes (i won't tell you where) find 'em yourself! I am actually a really nice person.

Anyway, I think stanza by stanza would be nice. Great start, unlike justlittle... down there, i really like weird word choices, and i like to use archaic words like 'yon or o'vr in my poems, anything that picks it up and gives it some sort of spin is cool, though you have to be careful, here is good though, and it gives the poem a character. Second is good, though weaker.

It sort of falls apart from there, there are so many words you can use, before it starts to hurt my head.

I actually really like the concept of both form and theme here. Return to it, grow a little, return to it again. Keep it up. (and the last line is horrible)

This is a fine little bit of writing but it has a few problems. For one, your word use is a little awkward, for example:

"will my mind remember all of them decietful lies"

Them is not only awkward but bad grammar. "All of those deceitful lies," "All of your deceitful lies" <- see, both of these would work, don't be afraid to work with your lines and find what works perfectly, be creative and don't cage yourself to awkward sentence structure.

Another line:

"Try to help others regain from their strain." I would use a different word than regain, it isn't bad grammar but it does seem awkward here. Maybe, rest from their strain, or heal from their strain,

Or even, "Share your story, relieve the strain, and try to help others heal from their pain" See? You could write this about a hundred ways and it would still make good sense.


But then this just me, honestly I don't like critiquing poems because they are so personal.

Anyway, I hope this critique was of some help, this story is just fine as it but it would be a wonderful one with a little tweaking.

Keep writing.

Clarity;

Good Morning (well, where I am at least!). I'm going to start off with saying that I really don't pay very much attention to grammatical errors to much myself, so do not expect that in this review. Thank you.

Any-who. One of the biggest problems I seemed to notice though was the strain on your rhyming. To be honest it felt forced especially in the beginning.
"will my mind remember of of them [?] deceitful lies
that took you only seconds to devise?"

I'm not sure these lines make all that much sense either. Your next stanza also has a very awkward scheme going. The poem just seems very off in a way. That was really the only technical stuff I saw.

Other than that, you're poem was very nice. I actually like the ending very much:
"But [now] there is only a matter of time
for a new life to meet you."

I find it very heart warming and very traditional. Good job, and keep writing!