I close my eyes,
and I open my mind
to the revelations
happening around me.
My mind is what guides me,
because my eyes are lost to sight.
I close my eyes,
and listen
to the ground
breathing beneath me.
My ears are what teach me,
because my eyes are lost to sight.
I close my eyes,
and tune my senses
to the world;
I see beauty.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Timmy here for a review!!
I am so happy! You wrote something! Yay!! I will just say that you wrote it because I complained.
Nitpicks
Now this is me being overnitpicky on this wonderful piece, but this poem is kind of a repetitive poem, and many of the lines repeat throughout... What if you changed the second part I quoted to match the first? Like this:
Like I said. Quite silly nitpick, but you will get used to me.
Ok, so this is just me being nitpicky again, but your poem is a repetitive, just like I said earlier. After each longer stanza, there is a shorter one that adds to it... But not the last one! What if you added a two line stanza to it?
Faving time and Style
This was such a beautiful poem... It was simply written, without words that are a mile long and florid descriptions, but that is one of the reasons why is it so wonderful... Your words describe everything so wonderfully, and you do it in few words, but in such a.... hopeful way.
I have heard that people who are blind see the world just like we do, except in a different way... How do they know the difference, anyway? They see a rose by its wonderful smell. They see a person by their voice... I think that is such a beautiful thing. We are never left destitute.
My favorite part would have to be...
Ground breathing is just so... I dunno how to describe it... This is a pretty redundant word, but it is so beautiful of a description.
This was beautiful. Keep writing! You have alot of talent.
~Timmyjake
O.O
Hey there! How are you? Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started
Wow this is a beautifully written piece.
I love what you did with the lines "My eyes are lost to sight". It has an even deeper meaning than these revelations about nature. It's like sometimes we are distracted by how something appears and need to take a step back and realize the truth. I'm just in love with that line, haha.
This has a lot of great imagery and descriptive lines that make the reader feel exactly what you're saying. Great job! keep up the fantastic work!
~Purple
Hey, I have a review, first time in a while for me, so I may be a bit rusty...
I really liked reading this! The idea was good and I followed it easily, I didn't really get confused as it went on, which is good because I am easily lost in some poems.
Also, upon another read, it flowed really well.
There was just one thing I wanted to ask, and perhaps recommend to you, nothing major to fault otherwise:
In the first paragraph/stanza, you said this -
- 'I close my eyes, and I open my mind to the revelations'
I'm not sure if 'and' was needed, since I found it sounded better just saying - 'I close my eyes, opening my mind to the revelations'
This I think just sounded better, but either way is good
The same may apply to the middle and last stanzas, where you could say 'listening' and 'tuning my senses' instead of using 'and', since I found it sounded and flowed better like that.
Well that's just my opinion on this, but I really like it, I am going to read your other poems now!