Peaceful Destruction

Hello Clarity,

While I appreciate that this is a metaphorical river and not a real river, I think you've made something of a mistake in drawing too far into the metaphor. I cannot seem to identify what the river is a metaphor for in this poem. That being said, I'll leave it alone and move on to something else to talk about.

I think you did a great job in keeping the same syncopation and pace in the poem. The rhythm is very smooth and it really does sound like something that is recited daily. You break it up a few times, like "nor nothing I shouldn't know." dun dadun da dadund dun instead of "and observe the rivers flow;" which is dun dadun da dunda dun. That being said I really don't mind it. I think there's something a little bigger in this poem that needs some work.

While I like that you've kept the same metaphor throughout the poem, I'm not sure what it is trying to say, as I said before. You've managed to take us so far into this idea of the river's flow, that it almost seems like it's teasing us to figure out what you're trying to say instead of saying it. One way that you could show what this is a metaphor for is by saying something closer to reality, or even putting in a simile at the beginning.
Knowledge is like a river.
"I throw a stone into the water..."
With something simple like that, we start to see what you're trying to say. You could even do this with the title.
Peaceful Destruction only makes me think of a river because, while they're not always peaceful [look at rapids] they are a continuous destructive force which people find peace in.

I'll give you a few examples of what I think this metaphor could be about and you will see the wide variety I'm trying to narrow down with the very limited information.

This could be about knowledge. The pebbles could be the speaker's input in conversation. I get this idea from "nor nothing I shouldn't know."
For me this line says that the speaker has to know everything before they've been given a chance to learn everything. It makes it really hard to be correct and thus warrants daily apologies. Also you can observe other people learning and discussions going on around you without participating. At the same time, you can watch knowledge come to a close when people are unwilling to learn.

This poem could be about life. The pebbles could be throwing away hours of their time sitting absentmindedly as they watch other people live. "leave for another day" gives me this idea. Also some of the words like "low" and "alone" make me think that this is an extrovert who cannot seem to break out of their depression because they're not actually connecting with the energy they need, other people.

This poem could be Death's perspective on the living. A lot of people feel that Death is very destructive and so "I know I should not stay," could be Death saying that s/he's been lingering around the living to watch them go through their lives without really taking care of the dead.

So, with that, I'd love to know what it was supposed to be.

Hi!
First things first, I think that if this is a metaphorical river, not a real river, you should not need to clarify that it is. You should be able to capture that particular meaning from the poem alone. I haven't read the poem yet because I had to write this down first, but I will now and continue with this review.
Now that I've finished the poem, I think I need to point out that I'm not sure what the meaning is behind this. If the river is metaphorical, what exactly is it representing? I sense that it might be the speaker's life, mind, or their past, but can it really be all those things? Normally poems are meant to be understood by the reader's observations, but it is also what you want to convey to the reader. Do you want it to be all those things I mentioned or something specific? If the latter is true, I think you should elaborate on ideas to shape this poem into what you want the reader to think the river is.
Another note, I like the pattern of writing you made with seeing and observing. The speaker spends most of their time watching this river, practically obsessing over this river, and I think you could better capture this if you continued speaking about the way the speaker is watching over it. Also, I feel like there could be more description to the river and how destroyed it is.
I'm not sure what is going on at the end, though. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me because there isn't a reason why the speaker is visiting the river and why he/she is apologizing to it.
This poem could use some work, but I think it shows a lot of promise.
Keep writing and good luck,
Dianne E.C.E.

Wow, I have to say that I really enjoyed this poem and I think your use of metaphors is amazing. Great job!

So to start off with, I really enjoyed your subtle rhyme scheme, it is not super obvious, but when you begin to read the poem, you start to notice it. It is very refreshing seeing a rhyme scheme that is not forcing itself to the center of the poem and demanding everyones attention. I loved that about this poem.

I have to say, that the metaphors are very well used and are not obvious, I would of never of guessed what this poem is really about without your note in the beginning. I loved your use of nature and throwing a rock in a pond to represent society and what happens when you disturb the balance of something.

One thing you might want to think of in a poem like this, is you could use allusions to your advantage since everything is a big metaphor anyway. Allusions could add something very powerful to your poem while also being subtle and shows your reader how detailed and intricate you can write.

All in all, this is an amazing poem and I loved it very much. I hope to read more from you soon and as always keep writing and have an amazing day!