Love shan't be time's fool,
thou shall be no slave to he,
for he be condemned.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I love this. It is very well written. I do not see many haikus on here, so its always awosme when I see one. I love this one in particular because of its meaning. I love how love is almost personified here, as if it has a mind of its own. Well done.
Heya,
So first off, how refreshing! I don't often come across haikus so you immediately seized my attention. I also love the title, probably because I just love the word, 'corrupt'! Such a fantastic word. Love using it!
What I got from this was an eerie and cynical view of love, possibly by one embroiled in a love unrequited, or a heartbroken individual.
The use of 'shan't' instead of 'won't' is particularly effective as it is far more assertive and authoritative, amplifying the impact of the following words. Also it creates a charming assonance with the 'shall' in the next line.
Overall I love this haiku, although maybe 'shall' should be 'shalt'? And it's interesting how love is a 'he'! Or is it time?
Keep writing!
Bethan
Thank you. And the concept behind this is that time causes the corruption of all love and affection.
I think you did a good job. Especially since this is one of your first time writing a Haiku. I'm a little confused though. Are you refusing to be a slave a time? Or is there another person you refuse to be a slave to? If it is about time, then I really like it. It seems almost rebellious. You aren't gonna try and be part of a concept humans created. I just really like it. Good job.
Yes, the 'he' is referring to time. Thank you!
I think the title is brilliant. And for a haiku, that was pretty good. Normally I can't stand short poems, they feel unfinished. This one, however, is good. It's also organized in such a way that it is almost like a riddle and I'm all for riddles!
Keep up the good work!