We’re becoming WriterFeed.
The site will be unavailable for at least 2 hours starting 1pm ET on Sunday, October 25 while we make the name-change updates.
Thanks for your patience! We’ll be back as soon as we can.
Love shan't be time's fool,
thou shall be no slave to he,
for he be condemned.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,228 Literary Works • 677,045 Reviews
I love this. It is very well written. I do not see many haikus on here, so its always awosme when I see one. I love this one in particular because of its meaning. I love how love is almost personified here, as if it has a mind of its own. Well done.
Heya,
So first off, how refreshing! I don't often come across haikus so you immediately seized my attention. I also love the title, probably because I just love the word, 'corrupt'! Such a fantastic word. Love using it!
What I got from this was an eerie and cynical view of love, possibly by one embroiled in a love unrequited, or a heartbroken individual.
The use of 'shan't' instead of 'won't' is particularly effective as it is far more assertive and authoritative, amplifying the impact of the following words. Also it creates a charming assonance with the 'shall' in the next line.
Overall I love this haiku, although maybe 'shall' should be 'shalt'? And it's interesting how love is a 'he'! Or is it time?
Keep writing!
Bethan
Thank you. And the concept behind this is that time causes the corruption of all love and affection.
I think you did a good job. Especially since this is one of your first time writing a Haiku. I'm a little confused though. Are you refusing to be a slave a time? Or is there another person you refuse to be a slave to? If it is about time, then I really like it. It seems almost rebellious. You aren't gonna try and be part of a concept humans created. I just really like it. Good job.
Yes, the 'he' is referring to time. Thank you!
I think the title is brilliant. And for a haiku, that was pretty good. Normally I can't stand short poems, they feel unfinished. This one, however, is good. It's also organized in such a way that it is almost like a riddle and I'm all for riddles!
Keep up the good work!