Hi there!
I see your face, I see it through the trees. Are you spying? start a new line Are you spying on me?
I think the part where you repeat 'are you spying on me?' will sound better as a different line. It seems like an additional thought like that.
I see you moving, that small blur in the periphery of my vision. I know your (should be you're) there.
It'sthea feeling I get. It lets me know your here. It never fails.
I don't know whether to call it a gift or a curse.
*this is a first stanza. It definitely sets the scene and starts off the poem well. I like your style. It's unique and interesting. My favorite line of this stanza was the last one. It's very powerful and gets me thinking.
I see you again, drifting through the woods, floating almost.
You try to hide from view, but our bond is stronger. How does the bond they have have to do with the person hiding from the speaker's view? Just wondering. The line sounds awkward.
It won't leave, it can't. I always know your (again, you're) there.
I can feel the pulsing fear, it radiates from you.
I'm only human, but i'm what scares you most.
Yoursomuch stronger, but I still give you nightmares.
Never, ending nightmares.
This stanza is very, very powerful. I love the words you chose. They flow together well and give off a dark feeling to the poem.
Your watching me again, you watch me as I write this.
You watch me all the time.
You think I dont know. But like I say, the bond is strong. It won't leave.
whoa, now I think he's a stalker! But I know he's not, I think. Anyway, back to the review...
You fear me, but you still stay. Your drawn here. Your drawn to me.
Is this what makes you scared?
The feelings you have?
The feeling, the pull you have towards me?
You can't leave, your stuck.
You fear me, your scared.
You see me, your watching.
Like always, your watching...
Your trying to find out.
Trying to find a clue. A clue to help you.
Help you understand.
Your scared more than before, I can feel it.
I know now, and so do you. That's kinda creepy that the reader knows this person's thoughts Awesome!
You know why your scared, why you fear a human.
Why you fear me.
Your in love, your in love with me.
And its killing you. Yes! I L-O-V-E these two lines. Great emotion.
Your in love with a human.
The cold-hearted, dead, ruthless monster.
That is you {insert semi-colon here} your in love with me.
It scares you, it kills you.
But me, it helps me. I've defeated you. I've won.
I made you fall... I've made you fall to the end, your end.
Bye, no more tricks.
No more fooling humans.
Its the end game, and i won.
I defeated you.
I pushed you into madness.
Again, another powerful stanza. Great job!
You fell in love with me. And its made you insane.
You can't stand it.
You can't live with feeling something other than hate.
But now, you do.
You love.
You love me.
Wow, this poem is really good! I can definitely feel the emotion. It was also an interesting story. You had me guessing the whole time, wondering who this person was. And when I found out they're a vampire, that surprised me even more.
A small thing I know others have mentioned as well: you mixed up your/you're. I put them in bold so you can find them easily and fix them
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417
Donate