Let me die in yours arms
and fall into the night sky
of relentless cold and
unforgettable darkness.
Let me sleep in your arms
and delve into a dreamland
where no one can approach me;
where I cannot be awakened.
Let me cry in your arms,
where I'll be protected
against all physical harm,
but be all too vunerable of heart.
Let me smile in your arms
and laugh until my stomach
can bear no more constriction;
until I am out of breath.
Let me awaken in yours arms,
where I will witness the smile
reflected from my eyes to your own;
where infinite admiration is present.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Adoration and applause to you my good fellow!( And I say that as an Intro because it PROBABLY sounded better in my head, I also imagined it with a 19th century British accent sooooooo) I wouldn't know what love feels like, or, honest to goodness love, true deep love (because I've had a series of less than great relationships). But for a moment, as I read this poem, I could imagine that I did. Which is very powerful, and leads me to say that you deserve high praise. Sometimes imagination is all that we have. The ability and insight to see in such a deep way the feeling of love, which has become so commercialized and cheap and quite simply PLASTIC (aka cheap and worthless), it brings me great pleasure to know that such deep love could still exist somewhere out there. This also made me think of one of my own stories-(I write books/chapters most of the time, a bit of poetry but I'd never be able to write anything this impressive) so you also get points for that ^ ^. All in all, you have my attention and liking (And the attention thing is kind of hard to get from me because I have pretty bad ADHD...If you didn't pick that up already- betcha couldn't >:D.....Nah you probably could....)
Hahaha, thank you!
You're so welcome ^ ^ And it's ok to laugh at me, I'm a ditzy random blonde- I like to make people laugh ^ ^
Haha, okay.
That's a really touching poem! I love the way it started off in a darker mood, referring to death, and ended with awakening in the arms of a lover I assume. Your writing is unbelievably creative! But you also keep it simple which I enjoy, however I wish you would've made more of a connection between all of the emotions you mention! I really love this poem though, and I cant wait to read more of your work!
Thank you!
Hi there! I am to review. Not that you smell or anything but lets say the green room is a gym and the stories are sweaty athletics in desperate need of a shower. So peeeyuu let's get you a shower (review).
I was reading this and I can't help but to wonder how organize this is. You start off the same way then elaborate it further through the rest of the stanza. It is repetitive but nice and simple. To me it sounds like a girl (or maybe boy?) who wants to be with his/her lover forever and to stay within that lover's arms. I may get that totally wrong but that is what it sounds like to me.
I would say keep writing but with all the stuff you have it seems like you have heard this before.... many many times.
~lost
Thank you for the review. You got some of the idea. It's supposed to be about a girl referring to her relationships. You see, how it's backwards? If you read from bottom to top, it goes in chronological order, as such. But, it's backwards which shows that everything is not always rainbows and unicorns. I could explain moreso, but I'd be going on forever.
I see. I was wondering why it was called the backwards tale of a broken dreaM.
Yeah, the title is supposed to be backwards aswell. Hence the full stop at the start and the capital letter at the end.
Hi, so my name is Ossum and this is your review!
So I liked the whole little bit of this piece. It was extremely well organized and it made me think about what I was reading. Which in most cases I would say, "Bad Poet." but in this case it was good. Cause it made it enjoyable trying to understand what was so backwards about this dream.
Then I got it, and I even read it from bottom to top just to get a full clarity. And I will say that this is a fantastic piece that I felt, makes you think about what really goes on in a relationship and a dream of one. And the fact that it may not be a dream and all. And the actual point that a relationship is not all sunshine and daisies and that even as you say:
Laugh until it hurts.
Being held and feeling vulnerable.
Sleep into safety and isolation.
It is a very nice work of art and I hope you continue to make pieces such as this.
(And if I totally didn't get this at all well....yeah. xD)
Thank you for the review! And you understood my point pretty well! I'm glad you read it backwards, I was hoping some people would do that!
^-^ pleasure ^-^