I am from dandelions growing on the septic mound.
They dotted the grass yellow and smelled like summer,
and I am from so many places that I am scattered cotton-white like their seeds.
I am from 4-H fairs and MSU,
from bare feet on sun-warmed concrete,
kayaking and mini-golf and Unbirthday Parties.
I am from The Alligator and His Uncle Tooth,
A Novel of the Sea,
read aloud by my mother in the back of our old Ram.
I am from pocket hankies and magic tricks,
an office cluttered with Bibles and pages scrawled in skip-lined cursive,
old Writer’s Digests and the framed photo of a gator grinning in the Florida sun.
I am from the Shop, from the roar of machinery, the iron and sawdust,
and I am from the U.S. Patent Office and Thomas L. Cooley Law School.
I am from sisters sneaking downstairs on Christmas morning,
from the Christmas pickle and Christmas pajamas,
monkey bread and winter soup,
and hand-stitched stockings hung on the mantle.
I am from Christmas Eve dinners at Nana and Grandpa’s,
new Easter dresses in bright floral prints,
from donut Sundays and choir with Mom
and the silence retreats where Jesuit bread smelled warm like home.
I am from Springborn and Starville and Marine City High School,
from Water Street, the little parks and the turquoise waters of the St. Clair River.
I am from ferry rides to Sarnia and the Blue Water Bridge,
and the 29 Capitol Limited snaking through the hills of Virginia.
I am from the number 30 groaning into Union Station,
from the Metro clacking over King Street,
and I am from the Alexandria apartment that I have never lived in
but call home anyway.
Separate and scattered cotton-white,
my selves settle in the soil, the cracks in the Toledo pavement.
They are from many places but they grow,
becoming Ohio, Lenny’s wife,
FoodTown, Learning Club, and two cats,
(black and orange like Halloween),
the apartment in Oregon, walks at Wildwood and my favorite oak,
my azalea and cactus and Norfolk pine,
green and strong like I might someday be.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Yo Blue,
Long time, isn't it? I read the poem in the link and I understand what the poet was going for there, and I understand what you're going for here. However, he nails it in a way you haven't got down yet.
Firstly, I think it's too long. You're mentioning things and events and people and things and places and spaces and while I know they're all important as "where you're from" they are still overwhelming to me. I feel like my eyes wanted to skip over sections and wander away and return, even as I read every line. Do you think you could experiment with cutting it to 12 lines and then expanding again? Looking at the different, or in what you chose to keep and what you chose to add then afterward? It might be an interesting exercise, one which doesn't ask for too much but which might expose a lot.
Your language is solid and your rhythm is as well, there's nothing technically wrong with this (I understand the glitchy stanza deal, try adding an X or the like between lines and turning it white, and then you have a sketch but existing break). I love the places and I enjoy the references and such but I feel like it says that where you come from is scattered and loose and you're still not sure what you are to define more clearly where you are from. Or concisely. I am a bear and thinking only in terms of short poems, of course. Long poems exist and even this isn't too long but I do still think there is a looseness here that begs to be tightened.
Thank you for posting this, I've missed your words, your language and the sound of your poems.
- Pen.
That is precisely the point and also precisely why I loathe writing these poems, yet all my professors keep making me do it and it never gets any easier or better.
hey there!
I recall writing a poem in a similar style to this for school one year.
You seem to be quite the experienced writer and poet. I love your rhythm; it's easy enough to follow even without the stanzas:) I'm sorry it's not working with YWS. I hate that problem.
Does it work if you add a . or ~ or anything between them?
I don't have much to suggest editing here. Conventions at a glance were spot on.
The only thing I might say is to add a bit more imagery here and there, especially in the beginning. It took a while for me to get into this, but once I was reeled in, you had me stuck there. Love the overall feeling this gives. Very...well, like home. Warm. I love writing that makes me feel this way. Gets my senses going. I think you could do this even more if you wanted. And a question: were you required to title this "Where I'm From"? Because, if not, I think a more original title is in order.
thank you for sharing:) really great.
I was not required to title it, which is just as well since I'm generally terrible at titles. Thanks for the review!