She dove into the Baltic just to feel
the frigid water smooth against her skin
and scaled the Ural Mountains like the bear:
to see what she could see on the other side
of Narodnaya.
She hiked the Balkans next,
hiding small secret things in
their woods and creeks, dark with summer:
silk-furred mink and padding lynx.
And then she trekked the Serengeti,
keeping company with
giraffes who watched for danger
and straddled the water's edge for a drink.
In Melbourne she listened
to the legend of Baiame
and the creation of the world and all beings
during Dreamtime;
in Tiwanaku she watched the Aymara yatiri
raise their palms to the solstice sun
after the longest night of the southern year;
then took a canoe down the Amazon River
to swim with pink dolphins.
But when she came home,
she slept wrapped in sheets like
the mummies she'd seen in Cairo:
alone, beautiful, and perfectly preserved.
Instead of mountain paths and woodland trails
she walked the city streets,
her hair blown back by diesel winds.
She came home only to leave again.
Only to rest on cotton sheets
when she would have preferred a bed
with the swift green scent of grass.
I just found this poem, and I really, really liked it! (That's high praise; I only rarely "love" anything I read. I think modern culture absolutely "loves" too many things.) Anyway, the imagery you use in this poem is excellent... for a short poem with so many images to get across, that's done very well. I do enjoy when the descriptions of the places and what she did are combined with why she does it. (I suppose, now, this poem is too old for you to edit it, and it's pretty perfect as is, but if you did, I'd love to hear more about why she does this, just because that's so interesting to me.)
~ jessiethought ~
Thank you! I haven't focused on my poetry much in a while (except for writing a few for NaPoWriMo in April), but I'm always pleased to hear someone's thoughts on it. (Also, I agree with you on the overuse of "love," but I think in part it's the fact that we only have one word for "love" in English and it applies to literally every kind of love we experience.)
BlueAfrica,
This is a pristine example of why I love your poetry. It's active. It catches me at the first line and pulls me in so deep that I am disappointed there's not more at the end. Your images are alive with places that beg me to visit them through your words and I get so caught up in their beauty that I seldom think twice about the structural workings of your poetry. It just works, beautifully so.
Please keep writing. You should compose an anthology of this sort of beauty.
June
what a wonderful poem!!! i was stunned by it honestly.
i honestly loved the imagery in this poem. i love poems where i can really visualize the whole picture.
looking through your poem i could not find any punctuation, or grammar errors.
but i will piggy back on what lyssiekins said about the last stanza being a little too long
when you are working with imagery you dont want to be too detailed for the fact that you want the reader to paint a little of there own picture. ya know??
but again great job. i hope to see more work from you- you amazing poet!
I'm still trying to understand the deeper meaning of poetry. I have a friend who loves poetry but when she shows it to me I don't understand. Then she explains it to me and I see the deeper meaning and how beautiful it really is. Or sometimes how it shows deep personal encounters. Or you just express your feelings. Could you please leave a short description for me?
A beautiful poem about being stifled by your surroundings, trying to find yourself by changing them.
The third stanza is a little long. In poems with this much descriptive imagery it is better to keep it short. Maybe like 4 - 7 -7 -7 - 4 would be nicer? I do like the overall length.