You cling to the innards of my womb, wrapped in
blood and placenta, protected from the world by my
skin and love and cracking bones.
I feel your future in my belly as
the world caves in around me - Detroit crumbles
before my eyes and flames devour Libya and
other near and distant deserts that remain
unnamed because they are not the fabled
Fountains of Oil.
I feel your future in my belly and I want it there,
but my arms clasp round my roundness
the way yours would if you escaped me.
My child, stay there.
See how my hands clutch my belly now,
as they do any time I watch the news or hear
the rumors flying like crows from tree to naked tree.
I love you already.
I am selfish enough to want you here:
To touch your soft skin, your peach-fuzz hair,
and tickle with my lips the tiny hands and feet
and see the smile in your blue eyes whenever I draw near.
But in front of me I can see the world
and how it would wrinkle and callous your smooth skin.
I love you, and I think perhaps I should leave you be.
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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
This is really good. So far, nothing to be fixed. I love how you expressed your feelings toward your child.
One word --beautiful. I really loved this. And although others may be able to find something off or fixable in this poem, I do not see a thing. Mostly because I am far too wrapped up in how you described a mother's love so unique and differently. There was not a single thing that was remotely cliche about it!
I love how you could add certain parts that could be so intense sounding, and yet soften them up still down the line of the poem. A great example here:
This was such a strong and wonderful opening. It's so harshly beautiful. It shows how majestic and magnificent mothers are for carrying their children. It's such an intricate and delicate thing, carrying a child. And I feel that throughout this poem you did a very fair job of describing that. How a bond forms as they hold their child safely within, but to know eventually that they must come out. Only to be exposed to a harsh outside world. For most of us can live through it and survive. But to allow a small, innocent, and defenseless piece of you out into the world is probably one of the toughest things a mother can do in a harsh environment.
I loved the part where you said, "I feel your future in my belly." It's so sweet and simple. And I especially loved the stanza where you described how it seems as though the harsh elements of the mother's surrounding environment seem to be rough against her as she carries this new life within her. Everything was just so well said. I have no harsh criticism to give whatsoever. This was truly a wonderful poem. (: Keep up the great work!
This is wonderful. I LOVE how you(?) think of your baby as a person--so many young mothers are forgetting this. I love the emotion, and the way you describe things.
I'm not sure.
The only thing I noticed: I think you verbed callous.
And I know you want reviews, but that's about all I got. Nice work.
Beautiful!
I didn't find anything to criticize. Great work!