A Telegram

First off, I just want to say your creative idea of writing a poem in the form of a telegram and using each STOP as part of the poem is awesome.
Also, I copied this into Word and put it in Courier New to see how it looks. It does look kind of like a telegram.
Okay, so nitpicks:
to learn guitar, to apologize, just
STOP for a second,
and quit worrying about the cross-traffic,
the people without red lights or stop signs,
rushing through life
as if whoever finishes it first wins a cash prize
instead of a funeral,
just STOP
I noticed you put just before STOP in the second part, but not in the first. Try to stay consistent.
This isn't really a nitpick, but more criticism of the content. The first paragraph was a lot more general than the rest, and wasn't really relevant to anything after it. If you just took it out and started with STOP, for that woman you love, guy you hate, etc. it would be more consistent. However, if you do insist on keeping that first stanza, I have a suggestion.
I know when you said "all that crap", you probably didn't mean it to sound offensive. It does, however, because you just made a dramatic entrance that I think you intended to be meaningful, and then dismissed it all as "crap" rather disrespectfully.
I liked the idea, and the whole life sort of broad take on it. I also liked the way you went from big things to small things in a strange sort of pattern/ratio (i.e. to look at the stars:an algebra problem)
Overall rating: 8/10
Keep writing!
+1

Thanks for your comments!

In the line about stopping for the person staring at you from the wrong side of the bathroom mirror - I was trying to say that you have to love yourself, not that you have to be self-centered, lol. The person being spoken TO (the one who needs to stop) is an alcoholic/druggie, so the speaker is saying (among other things) that he needs to cut that crap and do more for himself. Is there a way I could make that clearer?

This is a cool poem!
I like the idea, but I agree with the previous comment that, apart from the periodical 'STOP,' there are no telegram connotations. The poem still works well, but it does seem a pointless title; at the moment 'Speechifying' might be a better title, since this can easily read like a passionate speech. The line breaks were great, imho. As far as changing font here, I think that's not possible (although you can attach a picture showing the file to give the reader an idea of what you meant). ^^

Nice piece, keep writing!

BlueAfrica wrote:This looks a lot cooler on Word; I have it in Courier New so it actually kind of looks like a telegram...but I'm too technologically challenged to figure out how to do that when posting online!

STOP
in the name of peace, the name of life, Is this the same thing? The other lines you seem to have separated ideas by having a new line which makes it seem as if you are cramming peace and life together. Personally I find those very different things, but you can take it how you please.
the interest of ending world hunger and poverty and war,
clean air and water, Ha! So true. We need more of that these days.
higher wages, better working conditions, equality
and all that crap This makes it seem like the rest of the stuff you are talking about is negative: "crap" has a connotation of something foul.
STOP
for that woman you love, One good thing to stop for, the rest bad. Any reason?
that guy you hate,
that snotty kid who annoys you,
that irascible old man whom you annoy,
that dog that just ran out in front of your car,
that spider whose web you just destroyed,
that mouse caught in your trap,
that person gazing at you from the wrong side of the bathroom mirror Contrasting idea here since that person in the mirror happens to be you. Now you're saying be self-centered?
STOP
drinking, smoking, getting high, losing your mind, forgetting yourself,
blowing up at everyone who means something to you just because you’ve got issues,
cutting, sleeping, thinking of running away, getting wasted,
insulting that cashier at the grocery store
because her scanner broke and kept you waiting at the register for half an hour
STOP
passing yourself off as someone you’re not,
following the crowd just because it’s easy,
telling yourself you failed because you were born a second-rate loser
and there’s nothing you can do about it
STOP
just to look at the stars, to take a walk on the beach,
to hold someone’s hand,
to blow bubbles, to laugh, to remember,
to see a play, to read a novel, to hear a poem,
to solve an algebra problem,
to learn guitar, to apologize, just
STOP for a second,
and quit worrying about the cross-traffic,
the people without red lights or stop signs, I like this comparison here--indeed it seems we hardly pay attention to people who don't make us do just that.
rushing through life
as if whoever finishes it first wins a cash prize
instead of a funeral,
just STOP
and let me tell you how great you are already,
how much better you could be
if you just took the time
to
STOP Explain this--why do I want to stop? You just told me a whole bunch of things I should stop for or stop doing... but I could use a bit more incentive. How are you convincing me to stop shouting at people?