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Young Writers Society



Through the Seams

by Angels-Symphony


“ It’s a story with dragons and castles,
Of knights and a pretty princess.
With wizardly magic,”
Yet it fell through the seams.

What happened to the stories
That you used to tell?
The ones with faraway places,
With witches and spells?

Did the mermaid find true love?
The one with turquoise hair?
How about that humble servant girl?
Oh won’t you tell me, please?

Remember the world you painted?
And the characters you brought to life?
You can’t let them down.
Their stories aren’t finished yet.

What if you were the character,
Rather than the writer that you are?
Understand what it’s like
To be the puppet in the tale.

Conclude your vivid fairy-tales.
With the enchantment that you own.
Write an ending on those blank pages,
Or, like everything else,
It'll fall through the seams.

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1464 Reviews

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Reviews: 1464

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Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:54 am
Juniper wrote a review...



Hi, Shina!

I think that you definitely have a load of potential with this poem, but as it stands, I feel like it's kind of in a raw-ish state.

I like the beginning of the first stanza, but the last line takes away from it; similarly, I like the second stanza, but the third stanza takes away from it. I feel like it's raising too many questions, when it should be less.

As far as wording goes, I think that's where the only problem lies. Like I just mentioned, I feel like they are too many questions, with no clues that could lead the audience to create any sort of answer for themselves.

I also feel that it was too wordy. Instead of being able to have a steady rhythm here, Shina, I kind of feel like you used too many syllables instead of keeping an even pace.

Nice work here. I really like your theme, Shina.

June





"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore