Due to my lack of inspiration, I had to write a poem on something random ><
I decided to write about one of thoes misunderstood kids again xD they're my favorite type of character.
My Glasses
Call me four eyes
Or label me a nerd
I don’t listen to your insults
Not a single damn word.
Your statements are of jealousy
Of envy and of hate
Get yourself some better insults
Because with “geek” you’re a bit late.
Without my glass enhancers
The world is just a blur.
Blended images aren’t sightly
So my spectacles I do prefer.
Break them if you want to,
I really don't care.
Shatter them to pieces
You don't have anything to spare.
I'll say it doesn’t matter
because I don't lack common sense.
I’ll be frank and just say it
I’ll spare you the suspense.
You’re all damn bullies
Stupid, moronic jerks.
Take those dumb looks off your faces.
I don’t want to see your foolish smirks.
You’ve all caused me enough pain
So the least you could do is shut up.
Zip your lips and move onto to another kid.
Or better, lend a hand rather than remain corrupt.
My eyes are not needed to see things for what they are.
In fact without my glasses, I can see better and much more.
I'll always be the smarter person
with two eyes or with four.
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Maybe change it to you're a bit too late?
But the most important thing is that it flows with her emotion. This sudden break in flow makes her poem seem so much more real.
I liked it but the ryhme scheme needs work. The imagery is there. The flow is there. It's good. Shina keep it high. ^^
Wow. This is exactly the kind of thing I'd like to tell some of the people who go to my school, and exactly the kind of thing every kid would like to tell whoever bullies them. (And yes, every kid DOES have someone who knocks them down and tells them they are worthless, whether they are a bully or the nerdy kid that lives down the street.) I even want to tell my inner critic something along these lines every once in a while. Anyway, some things I would change are,
1. Don't cuss so much. We understand that you are angry. A few cuss words will work just fine.
2. You might reference the glasses again at the end. Maybe something symbolic like taping them back together and putting them back on would work. Just a sugestion.
That's about it. Great job otherwise. This was very symbolic and easy to relate to.
Hey there. I'm Aushy, and I'll be reviewing your poem today.
I really enjoyed that. You certainly have a way with words.
But certaintly you didn't post this up just to hear postive remarks?
So, it's all flowly and nice and beautiful and then...
It doesn't flow anymore. the words still rythmn, but you just curse them out too much.
For example:
I'm not an idiot lacking common sense...
Wow. Wayyyy to long. It rythmns, but doesn't flow. Try cutting it down, rewording it, or simply making another idea.
Again, this peice was great. Just work with the word flow.
Oh I really liked this and can totally relate. I don't have glasses, but I'm basically one of those people that isn't even on the social pyramid, much less on the bottom of it. I haven't been bullied that much, but I see how people act, and I know what they think of me and my friends. I've seen the people who aren't brave enough to say something to your face, but will stand in the corner and jeer.
Personal opinions aside, I thought this was good. I liked the idea (obviously), and the writing was good as well. I couldn't really find any of those little nit-picks everyone searches for. Wait, I lied, I do have one little thing. Some of your lines seemed noticeably longer than others. Or at least to me anyway. They didn't horribly throw off the flow, but they were a but distracting. Kinda like just a little ringing noise in your ear (yes, I know, I have weird analogies). Other than that however, great job! Gold star!