A thousand white feathers
fly into the air
as I rip my pillow in half.
Its contents floated
softly with the breeze,
scattering among the cty.
For I was standing
atop a skyscraper,
and this was a lesson
I was being taught;
For spreading rumors,
for telling gossip,
and for speaking of others
behind their backs.
My mother knew
what I had done
and had intended
for me to learn a lesson.
I did as she asked,
and came back down.
I asked her
what was the reason.
She told me
this was my lesson,
and that I was
to now collect
each and every
feather that fell
from my pillow .
I looked to her in horror,
and told her
such a thing was impossible.
She said to me
that collecting all the feathers
is as impossible
as it is to remove
all the damage my
scandaling,
gossiping,
and rumoring has done;
but I will do it
because that
is the lesson
I shall learn.
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140,537 Literary Works • 673,408 Reviews
I absolutely love the idea behind this poem.
These three stanzas are strong. I like the initial imagery in the first one and how you explained it with the next two stanzas. Good story telling I think.
However, the next stanza I don't like at all.
It's important that you tell us your mother made you do it, but that doesn't mean I want to hear the "ripping up of the pillow" part again.
This is what I would do---merge stanza 3 with a new stanza 4. Something like---
"My mother knew
what I had done
and had intended
for me to learn a lesson.
She told me to scatter
a thousand feathers from the
city's highest height."
Continuing on.
This entire poem is constructed of simple words revealing a wonderful truth. In these last two stanzas, there are only simple words. At this point, I feel like the poem has lost that sparkle that was in the first half of it. I'm not sure how to advise you here except to say go back and edit this portion. Keep the last line though "I shall learn". That's a powerful closer.
Great idea for a poem. It needs some work, but I think you can make it a good one.
oooh, this is much, much deeper than it appears at first,
I have been in a similar situation, so I know the effort it takes to try and repair things once you have screwed them all up, so I can relate a bit.
and well, you start out the poem in a nice way, nto really letting on what the poem is about, but building a strong foundation for it.
the featheres are symbolic, for... I dont know... something...
people? mistakes? something or the other...
this poem is about lessons learned in life, aout friendships lost, love thrown away, and whatnot,
it is a good poem, in the fact that it shows a strong message,
I somehow seem to think the rhythm sort of spirals down to teh end, almost like a feather falling, if you look at the lines, they get smaller as they go down, almost like the rings that a feather would float through as it made its way to the earth, starting wiht large, open circles, ending with short, tight circles,
do you see it? or am I jumping at shadows here? meh, I don't know, good poem,
Peace,
God