Mommy, Daddy?
Please lend your ear.
I’d like to play
An instrument.
Perhaps the cello,
With notes so low,
But a sound so sweet.
Maybe the piano
With its lustrous white keys.
But I do like the flute,
And its swift-like sound.
Yet a small, measly harmonica
Is what you bring to me.
What can I play with this thing?
It’s the size of a candy bar.
It’s not even polished,
How shall I play a score?
When I said I wanted an instrument,
“anything but a harmonica”
Was what I meant.
No one cares for that rustic noise,
Only those peasants on the street.
I want a beautiful melody,
A rich, powerful sound,
One that will awe all who listens!
Stop it you metal brick;
Just break in half instead!
Don’t stare at me with
Golden reflection,
And silver glint in your eye.
I wish not to play you, dear.
I’d rather blow a horn.
But you do look a little,
Fascinating.
And your eyes do have a shine.
Perhaps I’ll take a shot with you,
To see if I want you as mine.
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139,471 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Hi Shina!
You've been on a poetry spree, have you not?
This is a rather cute poem, I can definitely see this appreciated as a children's work. There isn't much to comment on here, but--
While I do enjoy the rhythm that the stanzas brought, I have to say I don't totally enjoy he usage of big words like "lustrous". As far as I am concerned, this is narrated by a child; thus, the words should be smaller. I know a child is perfectly capable of big words (my three year old brother told my dad that he "did not appreciate his departure") but, I think the words should just be a bit smaller, you know?
I love how you captured the attitude of a child here, as well. Really nice work with that, a rather cute touch!
Keep writing!
June
hey angels, dogs here i think your poem is great i really like the discription and how you talk to the hermonica. ignore bludragon i understand this perfectly. however in the third stanza i would suggest that you break it up into two satanzas to make it flow better. because to have you talking about the piano and its white keys and than suddenly switch to the flute makes it a little chopy. you could add a little bit say about one or two more lines on both of those stanzas. but any ways it sounds great and i think you should keep up the good work.
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hey!
Great poem. It brought out the little kid in me, when I would complain about practicing the violin..... But back to the point.
I'm a little confused here. First you're talking to the "metal brick", then you're talking about breaking it in half? Are you still talking to the harmonica?
Otherwise, awesome poem. Keep up the good work!!
zOe