Note: hey guys! I haven't been posting on YWS lately, but I'm trying to write poetry again xD The more I reread this, the more it seems like one of those love poems I read on tumblr.
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Other note: Umm O__O I was editing it and... Under construction temporarily! Until I can figure out why the spacing isn't working -.-"
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140,543 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
Hi Shina! It's great to see you back and posting on YWS again. For the critique!
I thought it was pretty good, but the line breaks. My god. They distract too much from the poem, and it seems as thought the purpose of this is, "look what I can do!" rather then showcasing your artistic talent. I had to read it through about twice to fully understand it. Although I like the poem, why were they there? They seem to take away rather then add.
PM me if you have questions.
-Elinor
Hi angels-symphony,
Holy...
Throw this away. Just incinerate it. There's a difference between keep your child healthy and stuffing her full of water, ramming the garden hose through her shattered teeth and into her throat, until she screams for mercy but you keep filling up her nostrils and mouth with boiling liquid until it flows out through her torn eyeballs and bleeding moist skin that falls off like limp cheese from her disintegrating skeleton.
You should know better than using so many horrifying gimmicks.
Hope that helped,
Galerius
Err, I apologize for the technical difficulties. If the words aren't in the right shape, it might be because it transferred wrong. I'm working on it -.-"
Beautiful. The way it was arranged was lovely. Almost.... floral. I felt connected to the narrator. I was on their team.