I"m generating a lot of poems in 30 seconds this month =_=
And it's awful because I can't post anything I'm writing this month because I want to be featured member.
This one is apart of my "in the closet collection" xD Thanks June 
Now I still owe you.
Also, I'm really rusty on poetry punctuation. Please help me O_O
All that you took
Is all that you'll take;
Those sugarcoated numbers
All equal a fake.
Sing songs no longer
You devious bird;
Speak only the truth,
Be fair to your word.
Steal not my heart,
T'is not a toy;
Give genuine love,
not lust like a boy.
For all that you took
is all that you'll take;
You need to be careful
'Cause I was the fake.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,543 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
i like it alot, kinda of an angry poem. i love angry poems, i only have one suggestion, instead of saying "fair to your word", i think it would be better as "true to your word", just my opinion though. you're a good writer, keep up the good work.
xD Thanks Mandeyy
I love the first two lines . They drew me in with their rhythm and made me wonder what's up next . (:
Throughout the poem I have no idea what sugarcoated numbers are . Granted , I'm fairly dumb , but I still would like to know what that is referring to .
This was alright , I didn't care for it .
Ohh , I love t'is in this . It's just an awesome word combination .
I loooove this stanzaaa ! Hahaa again , I adore the first two lines . Again , I have no idea what the last two mean , but overall I still would recommend this poem to other people . (:
Write on , my friend . (:
edited:D
Thanks Selene ^^
Hiya Shina! Selene's here and happy to review!
Nit-Picks (or nit-pick in this case xD)
There's something throwing me off in the last part of this stanza. I think it's the 'a' on the last line. You can either fix it by switching it to 'and' or put a comma after 'equal'. You just need a beat in there.
Rhythm:
I'd like to point out your beats in each stanza, because some were perfect and some could be modified.
1- 4, 4, 7, 5
2- 5, 5, 5, 5
3- 4, 4, 5, 5
4- 5, 5, 6, 5
Stanza-by-Stanza:
1- The beat was why it didn't read right for me. You should shorten the third line.
2- Perfecto! The rhythm stayed constant and what was said got me thinking. I liked your comparison with the bird and companion.
3- I enjoyed reading this stanza. Not only was the rhythm right for it, but it the words that flowed nicely chosen.
4- And you hit the point of your poem off with a bang! A nice finish.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.