Hey guys. I wrote this poem for my mom because, um, er, well,
she thought I didn't care about her birthday today.
It's a long story... But here it is. The Orchid.
Like water,
You nourish my roots,
Caring for me,
Like soil for a seed.
Your inner light,
Bright as a thousand suns,
Warm as desert sand,
And I follow you,
Bursting from beneath the ground,
Magnetized by your magic.
Branches, reaching farther,
Stretching higher,
Learning to stand tall.
You teach me.
The true nature of a star
Is to give hope.
To shine light
On even the darkest of prospects.
And when the rage of the wind
Threatens to uproot
What you’ve so tenderly cherished,
You stand by me,
Never willing to give up.
Even when the rain crashes down,
And the wind whips against your face,
While the world looks down upon you.
You stand, unwavering, and grand.
What gives a person
The ability to endure so much?
To harbor strength beyond imagine?
Courage, its origin still unknown.
Like an orchid,
Your elegance is refined.
Flourishing in shades of deep purple,
Dotted light pink,
And lined with the purest of white.
You stand, beauty everlasting, with a heart of gold.
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140,543 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
I love this poem; it's sweet and elegant. Your use of imagery and metaphors is amazing.
I agree the "isn't it?" seems akward. Perhaps if you said "is it not?"
All of the other minor corrections I see have already been said by others.
This is great. Thank the Lord for mothers like this who stand by us in our darkest hours and never give up on us! Awesome job and keep writing
I thought this poem was adorable! I really liked it, i think it had just enough power and sugary sweetness.
As far as suggestions I think happy-go-lucky touched on everything although I would like to add some of my own suggestions to hers.
as far as this I think that even just adding "guides me through" would be enough. It keeps it kind of vague still and applies it to a unknown number of situations. Because lets be honest whether we acknowledge it or not our moms guide us through a hell of a lot. Each in their own ways at least
maybe try changing the second 'and' to a 'while'? I don't know, I get the repetition here actually because I use it like this in my own poems quite often. So really if you keep it as an and it still works for me, haha.
as far as the last stanza,
I loved it!
I love orchids and think this imagery fits perfectly.
Good job and I think your mom will love it.
sorry for ahead of time if there's any mistakes, I'm in a bit of a hurry again.
Hey Shina!
Such a lovely poem you have here! I'm sure your mum will love it!
I have a few nitpicks for you here:
I think you need a line in between "warm as desert sand" and "and I follow you", otherwise it doesn't make much sense. Perhaps something like "guides me through *insert something poetic here*"?
The "isn't it?" makes it sound a little awkward. Maybe try rephrasing it?
"The" should be "to". Also you've used the caption of "light" already so perhaps change "to shine light" to "to shine brightly"?
Try changing one of the "and"'s to an "or" to avoid repetition.
This doesn't make much sense - maybe cut out the "courage" and make it "it's origin is still unknown"?
No nitpicks here, I just loved the imagery you put into this stanza!
Happy