Things Fall Apart: Chapter 19: Frey's Lock-In 1.2

Frey

I hear Juno’s scream from across the Park. Something deep inside me shudders in panic, a searing pain rips through my chest, and for a moment, all I can think of is the sound of Juno’s pure, unadulterated terror.

There are stories about twins and multiples having telepathy or something, but that’s not a thing, at least not with us. Things like this, when we all feel Juno’s pain and fear, when we all feel some of Asteria's tipsiness, when we all (but especially me) feel my nervousness when I’m being bullied by the football team, those things are what happen to us. It’s what’s happening now, I think.

I don’t realize I’m running until I slip in the fountain water, and I don’t hear Adrian ask me what’s happening. I can’t seem to move fast enough, and the pain won't go away. I shove through people who crowd around her, I push people out of the way. I know I shouldn’t, but I have to, have to, absolutely have to get to my sister. I hear my voice, but it doesn't sound like my own voice.

“What did you do to her?” I hear myself growl at Ben. I don’t see Ben’s tortured face. I shake my head to clear it.

“Juno, what’s wrong?” I shout to her, even though she’s inches away.

“Frey, what’s happening to her?” Ben’s voice sounds more like a... a sob. Ben James the Boy With Two Names is crying. That unnerves me almost as much as Juno’s writhing on the ground.

“I don’t know, Ben,” I say, my hand somehow ending up on his shoulder. “But I do know how to snap her out of it,” I assure him. I stand up and get everyone to scatter, including the teachers and Ben. Now it’s just me and my sister, being watched from a few feet away by a wrecked Ben and a few nervous teachers.

“Juno,” I whisper, rubbing her shoulder the way I do when she gets upset. “Juno, hey, come back to me. It’s me, it’s Frey, no one is going to hurt you.”

Juno can’t seem to stop shuddering and I know it’s not from the cold. I know what I have to do will look and sound weird, but it has to be done. I turn Juno so she lays on her side and I lay beside her. I put one arm around her and rock her gently, still rubbing her shoulder. The shoulder-rubbing is how she knows it’s me in her state of panic. The therapist suggested something like that for when she has her attacks. Asteria plays with her hair, and Arinna just hugs her.

After a minute or two, Juno stops shuddering and the pain in my chest goes away. Juno has had these panic attacks before, when she suffers some very mild form of PTSD from The Incident– crap. Now everyone will know. Or at least Ben will, and that alone will kill Juno.

“Frey?” says the tiniest voice.

“Juno!” I nearly shout in her ear. I sit up and help Juno back onto the bench. She looks pale and her skin feels clammy, but other than that, Juno is back with us.

“Juno?” Ben approaches carefully, like he’s been flirting with a snake all night instead of with a human. I decide that this enrages me, but I also decide now is not the time to battle it out with a guy twice my size. Juno shrinks away from Ben’s touch, and the look on his face when she does is part of why I decide not to fight him.

Ben tries to touch her arm again and Juno shrinks away again. That kills Ben, I can see it for just a moment in his eyes, and then it’s gone, replaced with his mask of self-confidence.

“Juno, it’s me, it’s Ben,” he says, his voice begging. I pat Juno’s shoulder.

“It’s Ben, Juno,” I whisper. “He’s not going to hurt you. I promise.”

“I don’t want him to see me this way,” she whispers back.

“What’s she saying, Frey?” Ben pleads. I’m stuck now.

“She says she’s a little tired and wants some space,” I say, trying to sound gentle. Ben backs away a step or two, taking the blow of the words.

“He’s the one who did this to me,” Juno whispers. I can feel the blood in my face drain away.

“What did you do to her?” I’m growling again. Ben’s eyes grow into saucers.

“I-I just leaned in t-to kiss her and–”

“It’s fine,” Juno suddenly says. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” asks Ben, coming closer again. Juno jerks away from his touch.

“Don’t touch me,” she pleads. She buries her head in my shoulder. Ben is completely at a loss.

“I’ll stay with her,” I say. My tone implies, And you should go.

“Okay,” Ben concedes, understanding. He walks away, but not without looking back. I wish Juno could see the way he looks at her.

“I’ll have to tell him now,” Juno says. Little tears run from her dead eyes, but I don’t wipe them away. Juno likes to do it herself.

“You don’t owe him anything,” I remind her. That’s a phrase often used in our house, like a family inside joke. Juno smiles a little. “You don’t have to tell him anything until you’re ready,” I say.

“Maybe I am ready, Frey,” Juno ponders. I can’t help but raise my eyebrows at that.

“Already?”

“I really like him.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to go trading your deepest darkest secrets. I mean, you’ve known the guy– I mean, really known the guy– for a week. I think you should wait a little while longer.”

“The longer I wait, the more it’ll hurt when he decides he prefers Asteria after all,” Juno says miserably.

Well, she does have a point there, I think to myself. I can’t tell her that though.

“If he does choose Asteria– which he won’t,” I say, choosing my words like fine chocolate, “then that’s his loss, sister. He’s the one who’d be missing out on something great.” Juno grins and I hug her carefully. Hugging a blind person is hard.

We sit there for a while, and then Adrian joins us and we talk about nothing until it’s time to go. Ben walks up to take Juno back to the bus. I really believe she’s forgiven him for whatever happened, because she hugs him as best she can and says something into his shoulder, and he laughs.

Adrian sits very close to me on the bus which is grand and I tell him I feel bad for ditching him.

“You were just being a good brother,” he says. “You’re better than I am, anyway. I totally blew off Asteria earlier.”

“She doesn’t care,” I say and I’m right. Adrian shrugs.

“Still. You’re a better guy than I am,” he insists. I flip my nonexistent hair sassily.

“I know,” I say and Adrian laughs his amazing, heart-stopping laugh and, finally, I’m at peace.