Things Fall Apart: Chapter 21: Juno's Lock-In 1.3 (The Last)

Juno

I wake up the next morning, feeling the warm breath of someone else on my face. It must be Emma, judging from the smell. Only Emma would eat horseradish on a hamburger. She’s weird like that. I put out a hand, feeling for her shoulder to roll her over. I can’t think straight with that smell in my face.

I remember what happened last night and groan aloud. Ben knows now. He didn’t ask anything of me on the ride back to school but I could feel the suspicion roll off his skin like too much cologne. So I had to tell him.

I was seven. My family and I were at this dinner party in New York for New Year’s Eve with all our family friends. There was a boy there that nobody seemed to know, a nineteen year old that started to talk to me and Asteria and Frey. He seemed totally nice, the way all strangers seem nice before they strike. We talked for a while about little-kid things; the way adults talk down to children. Everything was fine. He offered me some water, which turned out to be concentrated methanol. (I’ll spare you the details, but from what happened with Ben, I’m sure you can imagine what went down eleven years ago.) The next thing I know, I am on the floor of the garage, virginity-less and losing consciousness. The last things I remember are the screams of the adults and Frey’s hand on my shoulder. Apparently the guy ran away only to get caught by the police the very next day and thrown into jail for life. He was a thrice-convicted felon, as it happens.

I was rushed to the hospital but it was too late. The methanol was already in my bloodstream, killing what Frey and Asteria called my “seeing cells,” when they translated for me what the doctors told Mom and Dad. I would never see again and there was nothing they could do.

I went to therapy for about a year. Being seven, I didn’t fully understand what had happened to me, so therapy came and went without complaint. The doctors gave me some drugs to help me forget as much as possible, so it wasn’t hard to move on but what was hard was everyone’s reactions at school after it happened. I was called horrible, horrible things every day, and even the teachers whispered when I walked in.

The hardest part was dealing with the blindness itself. That took two or three years to really get used to, and even now, it’s still frustrating. I remember just getting so angry, and throwing things around my room, hoping something would break and give me some kind of closure.

Nothing ever did.

There were a lot of nights when Frey or Asteria had to sit with me until I fell asleep, a lot of nights when one of them had to calm me down. A few times, my parents would come in, but they thought sibling bonding during this period was crucial so it was usually Frey or Asteria and even once, little Arinna.

My parents moved us down here to Georgia, where no one would know our story and believe that I was born blind.

Emma and now Ben are the only people who know. And I’d like it to stay that way.

Ben seemed to take it well. After I explained the whole thing in the privacy of a supply closet, he hugged me for a long time. I’ll have to see how he’s doing today. I hear a few whispers preceding me as I rise and fumble my way with my stick through the mass of sleeping bags on the ground.

“Slut,” I hear someone whisper behind me. I must be hearing things.

“Can you believe...?” a girl’s voice is hushed by other voices before she can say any more. What’s going on?

“She was seven?” This time, it’s unmistakable.

I remember a little girl, freshly blinded, getting called those same names. I remember the soft whispers of teachers behind aged hands; I remember wondering whether they knew I could still hear them say those things about me.

I don’t know where I am in the auditorium now, thanks to the distractions. I can feel myself reeling, losing balance... I let out a little shriek.

If you hate falling as a seeing person, try falling as a blind person. You don’t know when to put out your hands to catch yourself.

So you don’t.

I can smell the age of the auditorium carpet and a few girls close by snigger as I try to get up. But I can’t get up because I can’t seem to think about anything but the pain in my face and the things I had just heard. I feel a hand on my back.

“Juno, are you okay?” It’s Emma’s voice.

“Bathroom,” I whisper, “now.”

She helps me to my feet and propels me out of the whispering room. A few seconds later, she holds the bathroom door while I feel my way inside without hitting anything. I can’t breathe.

“Th-they,” I stutter, “know ab-bout th-the thing.”

“What thing?” I hear Emma getting paper towels and wetting them. She puts one wad against my forehead and another against the back of my neck. Emma specializes in Calming People Down.

“How I g-got blind,” I say, trying to get a deep breath. “How do they know?”

“Whoa, whoa, wait, what makes you think they know?”

“I heard– Oh, God,” I slide down the wall to sit. Emma sits beside me. “I heard someone call me a... And another girl said something about seven... While I was walking to find Ben...” Someone walks in.

“Mrs. Highlander,” Emma says, “Juno is freaking out.”

“As she should,” says Mom. She sits on my other side, putting one arm around me and drawing me into a hug. “It’s okay, honey. It’s all going to be okay.”

For the first time in a long time, I start to cry a little.

“How did they know, Mom?” My voice sounds and feels ragged.

“I don’t know, sweetie,” she says, but something in her tone says, “I do know but I don’t want to tell you.” Maybe it’s better that I don’t know.

“All we can do is wait to see if it blows over,” Mom says, stroking my hair.

“Someone told them,” I say suddenly, wiping my stupid tears away furiously. “Only two people know...”

“I didn’t, Juno, I swear,” Emma pleads. My sixth sense tells me she’s not lying.

“I know you didn’t, Emma,” I say. I feel my eyebrows scrunch together. “Only one other person...” I try to stand up, but fall over. I groan and Mom helps me up before I can let the pain sink in.

“Who else knows, Juno?” Mom asks.

“I told Ben last night,” I say, feeling my way towards the door. “He triggered a major panic attack, so I had to tell him.” Mom doesn’t say anything, which means she doesn’t approve.

“You don’t think...” Emma says, holding the door open.

“I don’t know,” I say miserably. “I don’t want to think but no one else knows, other than Frey and Asteria. And they’d never tell, never.”

Mom shifts uncomfortably beside me while she leads me down a hallway.

“Juno, I think you need to sit and think before you do anything you’ll regret,” she says, sitting me on a bench.

“But, Mom, no one else but Emma and Ben know, and if it wasn’t Emma...” I hold my head in my hands. “How could he do this to me?”

I trusted him, I think. I told him everything, I thought he actually liked me. I bet it was just one of Jason’s stupid dares to see if I would tell him what happened and all it took was a stupid picnic and a little kiss and BOOM I cracked I trusted him I trusted the other one too and look where that got me...

I hear a door open and footsteps come down the hallway.

“Good morning, Mrs. Highlander,” Ben says. “Hey Emma, hey– Juno, what’s wrong?”

Emma stands up beside me and, for the first time in my life, I hear Emma raise her voice.

“Who do you think you are?” Emma shouts. “What do you think is wrong with her, you pathetic excuse for a person? You told everyone what she went through and now everyone is calling her horrible, horrible things, all because she trusted you!” Ben tries to interrupt but Emma plows right through. “And you know what? I told her not to trust you! I said you were just playing or doing one of your damned dares but she said she’d give you the benefit of the doubt! I knew you were just like the rest of them. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.”

Emma grabbed my arm quite roughly and pulled me to my feet.

“Come on, Juno, I’ll take you home.”

“Thank you, Emma,” says Mom.

“But, Juno–”

“I don’t want to hear it, Ben,” I say. Emma leads me back to the auditorium, packs our things, ignoring the whispers, and we head for Emma’s car.

“WAIT!” I hear Ben behind us. “JUNO! WAIT!” Emma slams the trunk, leads me to the passenger side.

Emma leads me to the passenger side before putting our stuff in the trunk.

I buckle myself in as Emma starts the car and hear Ben’s voice get closer. But he’s too late.

He’s too late.