Things Fall Apart: Chapter Four: Move On, Please.

by RoyalHighness

Published April 4, 2014

E - Everyone

In Better Things

Asteria

Remind me never to drink on a school night. I feel like I got hit by a train.

Move on to the next chapter. There's no way I can think with a knife through my forehead.

Comments & reviews · 8
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Lefty
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Lefty wrote a review Review · Oct 5, 2014

Hey, there! Lefty here for a review.

This is pretty funny and makes total sense. If Asteria was forced to write a part about herself at this moment, this is completely realistic. You're writing style is interesting, but I like it. Will definitely get to chapter five in the next few days. Have a nice day!

-Lefty

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deleted3
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deleted3 wrote a review Review · Sep 3, 2014

Brilliant! It's like you just dropped the mic, giving me absolutely nothing to critique! You have broken the fourth wall again in the most brief, to-the-point way ever. You surprise me in every chapter. Asteria's few words tell us volumes about her. I'm getting used to, and even liking your style of storytelling very much. :-D

Good job!

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cvandoren1
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cvandoren1 commented Comment · Aug 30, 2014

Yes, you get to the point. You show how Asteria can't even think at the moment. But, while keeping it short, I would at least describe how she is feeling. Like how bad her head aches and how she can barely see straight, etc.

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ANADIR
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ANADIR wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2014

Ok, I see what you meant when you said that you had a chapter with only 2 lines in it. Still, I like it just as much as your other chapters. It still contains a good amount of humor, all the while staying realistic and funny! I also note that even though this chapter was shorter than the others, you still manage to convey the different personalities (or personality in this case) of one of the triplets! I love it :D

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ANADIR
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ANADIR commented Comment · Jul 28, 2014

Ok, I see what you meant when you said that you had a chapter with only 2 lines in it. Still, I like it just as much as your other chapters. It still contains a good amount of humor, all the while staying realistic and funny! I love it :D

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Deanie
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Deanie commented Comment · May 13, 2014

Hehehe <3

Very VERY realistic. Love it all <333

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IamTraunt
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IamTraunt wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2014

Hey! IamTruant here as requested!
Again with the amazingly-fantastic-brilliance-of-you-writing-realistically! Ahem. I can just imagine Asteria lying on her bed groaning with piles of beer bottles strewn about her bed room and a carelessly half empty bottle tipped up leaving a damp patch on the quilt. I can just see it.
Once again you have shown me another aspect of a character's personality. Asteria the carefree girl. Drinking on a school night. Rebel.
Can I say something crazy...?
I love Asteria!
Ahem. Sorry. *Frozen quote*... xD
Love the:

There's no way I can think with a knife through my forehead.

I have a lot to say about a tiny chapter :-)
(That's because I love your story.)

Why thank you! Yeah, I kind of love Asteria but Frey is literally /me/.

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Noelle
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Noelle wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2014

Hi there!

Oh my gosh, I love this! So realistic! It's like Asteria was being forced to write this chapter and she's just like, no I won't do it. Now, I've never been hungover before (mainly 'cause I refuse to drink until I'm 21 :3), but I can imagine that this is how someone would react when hungover. Some of my friends have been hungover before and they said it was worse than having the flu.

So, story time. When I read the last sentence about there being a knife in her forehead, I thought that there was literally a knife in her forehead. I even went back to the previous chapter to see if I missed anything! But then I realized that it was just a metaphor -_- I can be so unobservant at time.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

I've never been hungover either- I've never had alcohol! But my friend who is less than sane has told me that's what it feels like.



As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
— Calvin