Juno
Every English teacher in the history of anything will tell you to start your writing with a "hook." A "hook," is a sentence designed to draw the prey— I mean, reader— into your story. And I think that's just total poo. That criterion forces writers to sacrifice the real meaning of their introduction in order to "grab," readers' attention, as if the writers' work alone is not enough to satisfy them. What an insult to the writer's capabilities! That's why I usually start off boring; I want to see who the true readers are, and who will just skim the pages, like Asteria does.
Asteria is my twin sister— actually triplet sister. She, my brother Frey and I are triplets, but you wouldn't know it if we weren't identical. You'll see why.
My name is Juno and despite the fact that I'm blind, I can still see right through the so-called writing mechanisms of our flawed educational system. I love making blind jokes when my mom's not in earshot, eating Nutella straight from the jar, and long walks on the beach with Reginald. Reginald is my service monkey. You read right; I have a Capuchin for a service animal. And I love him. Reginald makes being blind a little less painful every day.
~
Frey
If there's one thing I know, it's that having three sisters is a pain in the ass. Juno is alright, except that she's blind and sends Reginald (her service monkey) to play pranks on us during the summer. Arinna, the youngest, is nine, and the only thing worse than a nine-year-old sister who asks too many questions is an eighteen-year-old one with a drinking problem.
That's Asteria. But I can't complain because Juno always apologizes after pranks, and Asteria is getting help, and Arinna can't really help being nine.
My name is Frey. I was named after the Norse sun god, but somehow that doesn't impress boys like you'd think it woul— I mean girls. Girls. You'd think they'd love a name so cool, but evidently not, because I don't get any girls. Very sad, that.
Did I mention I'm a triplet?
~
Asteria
"Hi, my name is Asteria, and I'm eighteen years old." To which most of the support group mumbles, "Hi, Asteria," with varying degrees of correct pronunciation. My name means "goddess of the stars," and that's a Greek goddess, thank you very much. Poor Frey got the short end with the Norse name. Our parents are very strange. They didn't want the families to fight over who's named after who ("Who's named after whom," Juno corrects), so they made it their mission to find the weirdest names possible. Thus, I stand before you, the goddess of the stars.
I'm a triplet, which is something I don't tell the support group, because then I'd get the usual questions:
"What's it like being a triplet?"
"Can you read each other's minds?"
"Do you all look the same?"
"Are your tongue-prints identical too, or just fingers?"
I feel like I need an FAQ forum tattooed to my forehead.
"It's alright," I say to the first.
"No," to the second.
"Just Juno and I," I say through my teeth to the third. ("Juno and me," Juno corrects. "Sometimes it's allowed.") Juno and I each have heart-shaped faces, cerulean eyes, petite noses, and long, black hair. The only difference between us is that my hair is straight, which is so unfair since Juno is blind and can't even appreciate her gift. Frey's got this short, grayish-blonde rat's nest and dark blue eyes. Gross.
I don't even respond to the fourth.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hello your RoyalHighness!
During a chat around the YWS waterhole, someone brought my attention to your story, and I must say I'm not disappointed.
Brilliant stuff. I love how you use few words to give us an extremely vivid characterisation on no less than three unique characters, a little sister, and a pet monkey. Your perspectives are very different, and I love each of them and can't wait to observe their interactions. The way that you have coloured their opinions about each other meant that in the few words you used to introduce them, you essentially made sentences double in teaching us about the character and the sibling they are talking about.
Without revealing much about what is going to happen, you have given us points of story tension to look out for. The big one is Juno's blindness, we've also got Frey who seems like he will struggle with being in the closet, and Asteria's drinking, jealousy of Juno's hair, and oooh, just raw tension with Frey. All that in a delicious bite-sized chapter! I can learn lessons in brevity from you, I'm sure.
I have a reason to warm up to each of them, Juno because she's a pedantic writer, Frey because he has annoying siblings but is forgiving, and Asteria because she gets asked all the questions I get asked for being a twin! Except for the tongue-print one, that's new.
Ok! Nothing to criticise really, I think it would have been covered in all of the reviews you already have anyway. I'm hooked! Settling in for the rest of what you've got to offer...
""hook," is a sentence"
*you don't need that comma
"as if the writers' work alone is not enough to satisfy them. What an insult to the writer's capabilities!"
*first you use "writers'" and then "writer's"
"She, my brother Frey and I are triplets,"
*You're kind of stating the obvious here. You could say something like "We also have a brother named Frey."
"Reginald makes being blind a little less painful every day."
*I would take out "every day". It is not really necessary.
*You say that Asteria is one of the triplets, but I though she wasn't. Is the nine-year-old the one who isn't a triplet? You might want to clear that up.
This is really good besides the few points I made above. On to the next part!
Great start! It's a great hook... LOL
I'm not going to leave much of a critical review here, since I don't see much that I would ever make better! However, I suppose i should point out a few things to make this an official review, so here we go.
This chapter was somewhat short for a story, so maybe you should call it the prologue? As a few other Reviewers stated, this is written a lot like the Rick Riodan books, which is pretty cool. There were little to no grammar mistakes, so kudos. I am rather eager to read the rest of the chapters, so I won't dally here any longer. Off to chapter two!!
(And could you add me to the list of people that you update when you write a new chapter?)
Hi, Sillia here!
I really liked the way this first part is written. They format that you have it in reminds me of the Rick Rordian books. At first i was a little ehh about the changing character views so fast because I wanted to get to know more about Juno, then Frey, and lastly Asteria. BUT, as long as you do't do things like changing point of views for every chapter it could work as just a quick introduction of the characters. I like the idea of a service monkey instead of a service dog. Its adds a really weird and kind of comical twist to service animals. I like that the appearance in of the characters are finally described by Asteria, and the part about having a form tattooed on her forehead, that part made me laugh a bit. The ( ) add another comical side to it as well. I do think though, that saying "I'm a triplet" every-time another character is introduced is honestly really repetitive. Also, you need to watch you details and how you describe your characters. In Frey's point of view he says Asteria is 18 yrs old, and in her point of view it says she's 17. Small detail sure, but those are the little things that a reader will pay attention too. Seeing 18 then 17 will get confusing and make them wonder what age she really is, what age they all are. So are they all 17? or 18? small detail, again, but still significant in its own way.
I also think that you could, instead of telling about Arianna first, you could mention Asteria as the third triplet, then mention her drinking problem. It made me go "wait what?" when i saw nine-year old sister. It made me wonder where the other triplet was. Then there's Juno's perspective. I really liked it, and honestly she's probably my favorite already. BUT even with that said, it seems like you need to stress more of the fact that she's a girl. when i was reading it and first heard the mention of Frey and Asteria (i'm sorry if i'm not spelling that right) i assumed that Juno was a boy.
Overall though, I really liked it, putting aside those minor details that could use an ironing out. Good job though! Its defiantly something that i want to come back too. -nods- keep writing!
- Sillia
Hey, there! I reviewed your most recent chapter yesterday, so I thought I'd take a look at the beginning of it. It's a great start to a story, as it introduces all of the characters in their own voices.
Is this a three-way narrative? Oh goody! I'm quite a fan of a duel-narritive, and like writing in it myself, but I've never actually read one with three voices. This'll be fun.
From the first chapter I can already get a little bit of a feel for the characters, but Asteria stands out the most and I like her character so far.
I like the way you write and your sentences sound natural and flow smoothly. I may have said this in my other review, but I'd like to point out that your grammar is great. Didn't see a single issue.
This is such a simple sentence, yet it says so much about his character. The part of himself that he shows on the outside and who he secretly is on the inside. *applauds*
I will definitely stick with this story and try to get in a chapter or two each day until I'm caught up.
-Lefty
Thank you for directing me to a lovely story. This chapter was just so good and it's a good way to introduce the characters...not too direct yet one can see the development of characters!
Off to read the rest! 
Not really gonna review this as this was a long time ago and obviously you're on your 13th chapter now.
I was gonna ask one thing: what's Juno's hair like? Did you mention what her hair looks like because I didn't see it anywhere in the story.
Like you make Asteria jealous of Juno's hair but then I don't know what Juno's hair looks like.
Great start, just add that one characteristic for Juno...unless you describe her hair later on.
Keep writing
Hello, your royal highness. Deanie here to review your novel ^.^
I just have to say, I absolutely love the idea of a troubled bunch of a family. Triplets and one more sibling, each with their own problems and trials to face. This is going to be a very interesting story it seems.
Genius line right there <3 Also, the questions you mentioned are really realistic you know. I was talking to some twins and asking what annoying questions are they constantly asked, and most of them are pretty much the same. It's funny that people actually use those
Anyways, this was a good chapter, but it should be much longer in my opinion. In this opening chapter you list things about people instead of showing us. And doing that would stretch this into maybe even two chapters! I will give you some of the points I wanted you to elaborate on.
In Juno's part you tell us each of her siblings names and later what problems they have. I don't want that. It would be nice to have Juno walking home from school, contemplating what she is about writing. Maybe then she gets home and she feels the hands of her siblings because she can't see (here you mention she is blind, and you've showed us.) And as she gradually goes on to talk to all her siblings, only then do we meet them and hear a bit about them. So maybe she says something like I am home and Frey steps out. But then as she moves into the kitchen her other siblings are there and then we get all the introductions. I don't want to be told about Reginald until we actually meet or pass him in the story at one point. Do you see what I mean?
Here again, is a lovely part for showing, not telling. I want to see one of the pranks the monkey plays on them. Maybe have Juno whispering in his ear and then him chirping off and doing the deed, and Juno can reflect on how she never thought a naughty monkey could be her eyes instead of her own. And you could have Arinna as Juno comes home, piping up with a gazillion questions so we know she is like that instead of being told.
I don't think you need to mention Asteria's problem yet. Maybe you could have her caught in a moment where she is getting alcohol from the cabinet, or maybe however's viewpoint this is from is having a flashback where they remember a dark time in her situation with the drinking. But really, her later going on to the clinic covers quite a bit of this.
You also jump from point of view to point of view a lot, so I feel like we're not really getting to know each character enough on their own. I would like to see maybe a chapter all in one point of view, and then maybe another in the next? Or maybe just longer bits than this... otherwise it feels too shallow and not deep enough. We need time to connect and relate to the characters
The dialogue flowed well and I didn't ANY nitpicks whatsoever, so good job there! I am looking forwards to seeing the setting more and what environments they are in. These people sound like the kind that could get in a lot of trouble. Novel-worthy trouble that is
Deanie x
isn't that copyright of the actual book "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe?
It's really more of a placeholder title.
um, but that's copyright
Alright, I'll change it
no worries
Cool
I'm sorry if I sounded mean 
it only matters if she's selling it, otherwise you can use copyrighted things all you want. just look at fan fictions xp
well, if your publishing it on a site, I think their's some kind of copyright law for that. Especially if its the exact same title.
It's not a big deal. I just need to come up with a good title, and I'll change it ASAP.
publishing here isnt literal publishing, its just what we call it. what we do here is non-profit and for the enjoyment of everyone who sees it. should the other with the copyrighted title see this, they would not sue, nor could they, because there is nothing to sue for
okay. I like the story
oh...then that means....CREEPYPASTA LIED! >:O
Hi there!
I'll split my review into each of the characters you have here. That'll be easier for you to follow I'm sure. I'll be pointing out things about each section and then give my overall impression at the end!
Juno
When you say the word hook in the first couple of sentences, it doesn't need to be in quotation marks. The word is being used as an actual word. And if it's supposed to be sarcastic, as I think it might be because of how Juno feels about these hooks, it doesn't need to be in quotations either. The readers will be able to understand that Juno is being sarcastic when they read on.
I'm not sure if you've ever learned this rule, but when you're introducing someone as "my friend _____" or "my mother _____" or "my school _______" there's no comma. So in the sentence I quoted, it should read "my brother Frey". I'm not totally sure why this is the rule (because let's face it, English is confusing as anything even if it's your first language, but that's the rule. I think it has something to do with the fact that you have already explained who they are so there's no need for a comma. I don't know. That was just a guess. Now, if you switch this around and say "Frey, my brother", you do need a comma. Do you see the difference between the two?
Frey
Oh yes. Yes yes yes. I absolutely love this sentence. It's so realistic and many people can relate to it. Not to mention it's great character development. Here I've just met Frey and I can already tell what kind of guy he's gonna be.
Hm...I'm not sure how I feel about this sentence. It makes their lives seem somewhat perfect. It's like Frey is telling us all of these problems with his sisters and then all of the sudden they're basically solved. I feel like that's not quite realistic. But then again, maybe this is just Frey's way of telling us that he doesn't completely hate his sisters.
Asteria
I have nothing I want to point out in this section
Overall thoughts
I think this is a great beginning to your novel. I like how you had each of your characters introduce themselves. That's not something I usually see in novels. Quite original. Just one little thing I want to say about that though: if you're going to have three different characters telling the story, I'd suggest dedicating a chapter to each POV. That way there won't be switching POVs every few paragraphs. It works well for the first chapter, but it might be a little frustrating in later chapters.
Your characters are wonderful. Having each of them speak in this chapter really gives you a head start on character development. The readers have a good idea already of what your characters are like. Keep up the good work developing your characters!
So from what I've read in this chapter, I have come to the conclusion that this story will be about triplets and their little sister going through life. And Frey will be the comic relief XD I thought maybe you'd want to know what your first chapter came across as to the readers.
That's all for me for this chapter. I'm going to head over to the second chapter and read that one next.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
THANK YOU for clarification!!! I was totally not sure how to write that sentence. I'm planning on splitting up the chapters real soon, once the action starts. You've got a great handle on what I'm looking for. If you'd like, could you follow along with the story and help me edit as we go? I'd really appreciate future advice.
Of course I'll follow the story! I really do enjoy reading it. Plus it makes me laugh
I added descriptions! I'll add some pictures maybe?
I like your descriptions! Very nice. And they fit right in with how I thought Asteria would describe everyone
You don't need pictures as long as you describe the characters. Let the readers' imagination wander.
IamTraunt!
For starters, I love how you put that people just skim through the text just because its "boring". I could really relate to that.
Just a little thing you need to adjust:
I find this really quirky ^ It is an obvious sign of homosexuality.
(Btw) I like the names!
You story is unique. Usually you would have two different perspectives, but you have three! Really original!
Your characters are different and vary, not similar in any way. Oh, I can just imagine having a service monkey! It would be so cool! (That also shows your uniqueness)
Well done! Keep up the good work!
Thank you! Yeah, my iPad is terrible when it comes to typing this stuff out. I really appreciate your time. Keep an eye out for the next chapter!
I will! Definitely!!! If you need anything reviewing just message me!
I will! Definitely!!! If you need anything reviewing just message me!