Young Writers Society

Hey Tiny here!

I'm just here to point out your errors no big deal.



It's something we all know it. I would suggest changing this to a comma

But no one moves to change it.

It's a situation we know well its hard,

They are alone , no weapons no guard.

With A smoky sky , raining bombs

And most of all , broken hearts .

All this and we still like snails,

While they are going to jails.

Where are you people ?

Your hearts become like hard metal

Black as ash ,

No white flash .

I will space these outsend this Freedom call .

But please don't throw it to the wall .

So listen up,

I'm not gonna shut up,

I will keep writing,

until the truth ,

will light up their sky again … No need for these here

Just a few knit picky things. I overall enjoy this piece very much despite the few grammar errors

Keep writing

You make a clear point but sadly the poem has a few grammatical errors I can spot. Its hard to make a good rhyming poem but at the same time pay attention to the structure but you have explained it really well. It seems as though people as a whole are ignoring world problems. Its kind of persuasive in a way and I come across many poems that are about emotions and love and suicide on here but your poem is about an education view.

Ella's here to review your poem! This seems like a very serious poem, and it warms my heart that you care as much as I do about issues like the ones you pointed out in the poem. I am going to try to define paragraph of the poem more deeply for this review and fix small grammatical errors. Your grammar started to break towards the end.


"It's something we all know it.
But no one moves to change it.
It's a situation we know well its hard,
They are alone no weapons no guard."

This paragraph defines most third-world countries. They are there with just barely the three essentials to life, and no protection whatsoever. We all know about it, but hardly anybody is deciding to do anything of their own will.


"With smoky sky, raining bombs
And most of all, broken hearts.
All this and we are still like snails,
While they are going to jails."

Very true. Countries are being bombed, resulting in families being torn apart. Most people are relaxing at home while people in the third-world, adults and children alike, are captured and tossed into a jail cell.


" Where are you people?
Your hearts become like hard metal
Black as ash,
No white flash."

All people care about these days is money and hamburgers.


"I will send this Freedom call.
But please dont throw it to the wall.
So listen up,
I'm not gonna shut up,
I will keep writing,
Until the truth,
Lights up their sky again…"

A direct call from the heart of the writer to the reader. I hope the message gets out to everybody. Everyone needs to help. Everyone deserves to be free. Good job, keep writing!

Hello there Smile, here to review your piece.

This was a nice work, with a good message, but it was a little confusing in some parts.

It's something we all know it.

It's a situation we know well its hard,

It's a situation we know well. It's hard,

While they are going to jails.

No white flash .

i will keep write,

I will keep writing,

light up their sky again …

lights up their sky again …