Young Writers Society

Hi, it's Wonderland Ashes.
I like your piece, it sort of reminds me of Demons by Imagine Dragons. I love that song, by the way, so that's a compliment from me. A really big one! Again, though, like other reviewers have stated, spelling and grammar are a problem in this one. But I understand- sometimes you just have to get your ideas out. Consider editing this piece. To disagree with ArticMonkey, though, I really like and understand the line where it says your tears turned to blood. Good work, but remember to work on it. Keep going, I know you have it!
-wonderlandashes

Timmyjake here to give you a short review, Smile!!

I love all of your songs you have made. You should sing them sometime! It would bring the words to life!

I shall hit little nitpicks of mine now...

One thing that I notice in this song is punctuation, spelling and grammar. Or rather, a lack of. Maybe you could take a few reads checking for that instead of how it flows? It doesn't hinder how it sounds, but it makes it look sharper for your readers!

Now I will hit those few spots that didn't work for me.

Why , i believed that stupid lie ?

That line doesn't flow for me. Maybe, "Why did I believe that stupid lie?"

I would say that the only thing that didn't work for me was that there seems to be no "refrain". That is the name for it in a hymn, but I don't know the name in this type of song. There seems to be one in there, but not a solid one. It changed both times. And if you split up your song into sections, it might make it more apparent as to what the "refrain" is and what the body part is. Just a few thoughts of mine.

I know that this whole review probably sounded pretty harsh, but to be honest, I loved it. I only review songs and poetry that I really like. If I don't like it, I move on. (Its hard for me to review in the first place, because I have never been talented there) Happy Writing!!!
~Timmyjake

Hi smile! Here to review your song lyrics

So, let me start off with what I liked about these lyrics. They are pretty short but I'll do my best to share what I thought about them, and try and give some suggestions. I think the whole idea of 'nightmares book' is really good and it just sounds really good, I also like the repetition of it.

i was that kind of girls that ,

And my tears turns to blood