I fell in love with the wrong guy
All this because of a stupid lie
Why , i believed that stupid lie ?
i was that kind of girls that ,
Believes anything, everybody ,
Love from the first look,
It’s my nightmares book,
Where all the faults i did .
And the lies i believed .
The joy that fade , and replaced with Pain.
And i can’t hold anymore.
Pain ,pain , pain
When it’s gonna rain , rain , rain
Cause My heart tears apart
And my tears turns to blood
And i really can’t hold Anymore
Love from the first look
It’s my nightmares book
It’s my nightmares book
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137,443 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hi, it's Wonderland Ashes.
I like your piece, it sort of reminds me of Demons by Imagine Dragons. I love that song, by the way, so that's a compliment from me. A really big one! Again, though, like other reviewers have stated, spelling and grammar are a problem in this one. But I understand- sometimes you just have to get your ideas out. Consider editing this piece. To disagree with ArticMonkey, though, I really like and understand the line where it says your tears turned to blood. Good work, but remember to work on it. Keep going, I know you have it!
-wonderlandashes
thank you
Timmyjake here to give you a short review, Smile!!
There seems to be one in there, but not a solid one. It changed both times. And if you split up your song into sections, it might make it more apparent as to what the "refrain" is and what the body part is. Just a few thoughts of mine.
I love all of your songs you have made. You should sing them sometime! It would bring the words to life!
I shall hit little nitpicks of mine now...
One thing that I notice in this song is punctuation, spelling and grammar. Or rather, a lack of. Maybe you could take a few reads checking for that instead of how it flows? It doesn't hinder how it sounds, but it makes it look sharper for your readers!
Now I will hit those few spots that didn't work for me.
Why , i believed that stupid lie ?
That line doesn't flow for me. Maybe, "Why did I believe that stupid lie?"
I would say that the only thing that didn't work for me was that there seems to be no "refrain". That is the name for it in a hymn, but I don't know the name in this type of song.
I know that this whole review probably sounded pretty harsh, but to be honest, I loved it. I only review songs and poetry that I really like. If I don't like it, I move on. (Its hard for me to review in the first place, because I have never been talented there) Happy Writing!!!
~Timmyjake
thank you tim , it means a lot , and no it wasn't harsh , i like honest reviews
Cool! You're welcome!
Hi smile! Here to review your song lyrics
So, let me start off with what I liked about these lyrics. They are pretty short but I'll do my best to share what I thought about them, and try and give some suggestions. I think the whole idea of 'nightmares book' is really good and it just sounds really good, I also like the repetition of it.
I'm not quite sure what you mean here about tears turning into blood, so maybe you could expand on it more.
I think my main issue with this is that the topic is something that has widely been written about and they all pretty much say the same thing. If this is based on personal experience, I'm not saying what you've felt is something that everyone has felt, it's just the way that you've illustrated here. For example, you've got some good imagery coming on about tears and rain and your heart, but it's kind of been heard of before. Maybe you could go more in depth with it and describe it further, using more colours or something to make it sound more interesting.
Overall, I think that these lyrics have lots of potential. I think the theme of the lyrics are quite popular to be talked about, so just try and add your own twist to it to make it your own. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything- sorry this one is quite short.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x