When we were new,
our eyes pure and bright,
our world was pastel
and glimmering.
We drew faceless people
and built shapeless towers
of nondescript blocks,
because our lives
were undefined.
Limitless.
The future was a stem cell
with infinite possibilities.
When we were growing,
possibilities slowly shrinking,
we became biased.
Prejudiced.
Our wide eyes narrowed
and squinted
at what we had interpreted
the world to be.
When we had grown,
our eyes were slits
and we could no longer
open them and see
the way the world really is.
The crust of all those "isms"
had sealed them shut,
and we were all but blind
to the beauty and newness
of the blooming world.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This is amazing. The eye imagery is so potent and powerful, universal and connecting. The ideas flow effortlessly, your work is greatly appreciated.
Shauzer here reviewing...
I don't have any criticisms, I think it's good - and if you keep practising and developing you could be great.
I thought that this was a really good poem, it seems like you put a lot of deep thought into it, and it shows. The work here is a very nice description of how life works, how our possibilities get smaller and smaller until they finally become invisible to us.
I won't waste time on grammar, because 1. I don't care about it, and 2. My grammar isn't great
The way you write is really interesting, you seem to be one of those few people who write what they really think. When I was reading I felt like I wasn't just reading, it felt like you were speaking to me. I can tell that this is how you actually feel, which gave the poem an even stronger presence, and I really do like it
Hope it's helpful, TS
Hi fortis,DK with quick review on your poem.
I have no doubt that this poem is indeed very enthralling with the diction that beautify the meaning of the poem itself. In addition, the use of striking and appropriate diction like what you use in this poem helps the reader understand the poem.
Your poem tells the story of 'us' and life / experience we have from childhood until we are adults. Each stanzas gives descriptions about it.
Obviously, you wrote this poem based on experience / view. It was the preferred choice of theme or subject matter reworked in a creative form.Overall, good job!
Keep writing.
Cheers.
Wow... this isn't really a review, but I can't help but leave a comment for this.
.
That was just... amazing. Honestly, I'm stunned. It contains SO much beauty and truth behind it, and the words you used were breathtaking. I love the flow of the entire piece, and the message was something I've seen so many times before, I could instantly relate. I love this
I wish I could pick a favorite line, but there are far too many of them for me to choose XD. So let me just pick out a few that I really, really liked.
"We drew faceless people
and built shapeless towers
of nondescript blocks,
because our lives
were undefined.
Limitless."
I'm not sure why, but the idea of 'faceless people' and 'shapeless towers' just really got to me. Amazing imagery.
"Our wide eyes narrowed
and squinted
at what we had interpreted
the world to be."
I just loved how you used eyes to describe the overall innocence of the narrator. Perfect
Okay, well i guess this is a review XD. Thanks so much for posting this! Hope this helped, keep writing!!!