Young Writers Society

Woah. This was very cool. Nice job. Review for ya representing Red Writing Hood today!

First off, I really liked the rhythms and the structure you employed here. I feel like sometimes, hen people try to use a poems shape and structure to enhance I themes, it can easily start to distract from them and actually take away from the poem's central message. Here, you employed an interesting structure that both made sense aesthetically and complimented the thematic points very well.

My main concern, however, is that you bolded a ton of words here. I realize that you probably meant to emphasize those words and phrases, but holding too many words can negate these efforts. I thinks that's exactly what happened here. Maybe take another look at this and decide which parts of the poem you want to emphasize most and possibly tie then together. Then go back and rebold them over again. Other than that, I think you did a nice job here. The idea of exploring the whole process of a cat hair balling and then the owner having to clean up after it was interesting and you did a nice job turning a largely mundane thing into something charming and delightful. Nice job and I hope this helps.

I sense this to be a truly heartfelt message, and I am thankful I have a dog.
Righty-ho, criticism first. This time, it is writing it in bold. There are several points in the poem that could be benifited by the use of boldifying, but the effect is lost if overused.
And, because I am evil, ANOTHER punctuation criticism. And this time it is inconsistency in full stops. In this poem you have several fragments, that don't fit with the next line. Sometimes you have a full stop, ("Breathe in" etc.) And other times you don't. Please do one or the other, and my biased preference would be for all full stops.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey Yubbies!

So this is a very interesting and unique poem. I really liked reading it, even though the description was a little gross, haha. I can totally relate to this even though I don't have a cat. But I do have a 4mo. old golden retriever that makes messes all the time . So annoying.

Your description is amazing! Like I said, it's gross, but that's the whole point, right? To describe the feeling of dread as they clean up something gross. That's the feeling I got from reading this.

So onto the review...

I wonder about the formatting here. Was it done on purpose, or was it YWS messing up your formatting? If it was done on purpose, I can sorta understand why you did it. I felt like it was done that way because it shows how the protagonists thoughts were scattered because of the situation.

Then there's the little small-printed sigh. For me, that was kind of weird to read. Going from enlarged, bold letters to tiny print.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! Thanks for the fun read. I had a smile on my face by the end of the poem. Happy Review Day and keep writing!

Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow

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P.S. I forgot to say thanks for the gift for the prompt contest. I'm sorry you didn't get as many entries as you were expecting. It was still really fun! <3

Hello yubbies21,have a great day in review day!Here is Dark to give review on your poem.

First time I saw the title of your poem, I was glued for a moment. Think what the theme will be questioned on it.So I started by reading verses / lines in the beginning of your poem.

#HACK! HACK!
Mucus encased glob of slimy hair
on the floor
sheepish cat slinking away in
the shadows-->diction and intonation of your poem look different and I love the unique tone here.The diction really bring impact to the reader.

#Fling weapons down
scream in terror
bolt to the porcelain bowl
gasp for air
bile creeping to make an appearance
No! I can’t do this! I can’t clean up that hairball!

HACK! HACK!


NOOOOOO!-->I can sense a humor in these lines.Something quite suffocating when had to clean up all those things. Intonation of your poem have managed to convey feelings and messages effectively to the reader.It is quiet easy to understand!I liked it,so keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Hello yubbies, Cheetah here for your review!

This is great! I think a lot of users here can definitely relate to that feeling of dread, whether it's a hairball or some other nasty surprise our generous pets leave for us.

All in all, this was great! You brought details to this poem that most people don't think about- the fruity smell of the disinfectant, the texture of the carpet, etc. I can't find anything wrong with this piece. It's good because it's uniquely yours!

Congratulations on a job well done!

Hey there! Knight Cailey here with a review on this fine review day.

I loved the humorous side of this. It was absolutely disgusting- so props to you for writing a poem that made me want to gag because the details and imagery were so vivid.

I am wondering about the formatting. Did you have specific reasons in mind for formatting the way you did? It seemed a little bit spontaneous to me, but if you had reasons for it then don't let me change your mind. However, it might be nice if you had a little something to make it more clear why you chose to format this way? (Unless it was YWS messing up, which sometimes happens.)

Also, your punctuation isn't very even. You have some, but are missing some at parts. I would suggest going through and adding in the commas, or taking out the punctuation completely.

Again, I love the detail you added here, from the shag carpet to the porcelain toilet. I could definitely imagine the setting and I think that is awesome! So props to you!

Keep writing, let me know if you have any questions or comments, and happy review day!

Knight Malachi here, 5 minutes before Review day begins.
so I was laughing the whole, i mean whole time. This was so funny, especially the way you formatted it. Great job. I have had similar experiences, although never had to:

bolt to the porcelain bowl

Great line. I liked how you described everything. This was a funny, light-hearted poem that came at a great time, getting me ready. Let Review Day Begin!

P.S. This for my 150 review/ four star! Yeah!