Young Writers Society

Wow. I just LOVE the way that you cut off the lines in this poem! I am a big fan of enjambment-type stuff, so. ...yeah. That part about the cavities is great too. The best part is the emotion in it, and, having had something similar happen to me, it--well, it got to me.
If you can't tell, I loved this.

...this is just a passing comment, but

"I sense
your eyes in the men that won’t
meet mine, those men that
leave with the sun. "

is just brilliant.

Hello I'm hanorah this is my review hope you find it helpful. I thought this poem was very good,it shows people not to take their relationships with people for advantage.I myself don't see my father but not because he walked out,but I can still relate to your poem.It keeps the reader interested the whole way through and stirred up many emotions,it's really good how you made a poem while using your emotions as it makes the poem stronger,well done

Hello here is a Jordin with a review that I hops will help you.

OK the felling in here was really good because I know how it feels to have your father gone the way I think is he is on a vacation and is going to come back some day.

Really good work I think you have some good talent at this.

Good work I really hope you have had a good Easter.

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~

I really like this. It makes me think of my father and how little I really have gotten to see him. The way it is written is really good and just flows together so well. If you don't mind my asking what inspired you to write this? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.